Same Song, Different Verse!

:evil::evil::evil:

So, to make it easier on my husband and I, part of my side of the family came over to our house today for mid-day dinner. I made a macaroni salad and sweet tea. They brought the rest: Pork roast, cream corn, field peas, pigs-in-a-blanket, cherry salad, banana pudding and brownies. Yum, yum! What a spread!

Well, I kept waiting for everyone to unpack the things they brought. Hint, hint... I finally did it, as the food was getting cold. Then one person had not yet cooked the corn so I popped it in the microwave. ARGH!

Everyone got their plates and sat down at the table. One asked if "D" was going to eat, as he was still sitting in his recliner. I told them that he could not eat, except for maybe some pudding and I would need to feed him after we ate. (Which my husband was fine with and besides he can't sit in a straight chair for long.)

So who the hell ended up cleaning the kitchen? Yeah, that's right! ME! Nobody lifted ONE finger, I mean ONE finger to help me. I'm talking right down to clearing the table. To top it off, it was requested that I divide up the left overs for people to take home, in MY plastic ware! :evil:

So, after all of that, I finally got to take some pudding to my husband who then proceeded to try to talk while I was feeding him. Sigh...

The relatives were on a time schedule and one wanted to talk about a will for herself and wanted our help. NOW. Like a family meeting, NOW. Let's get on the computer NOW. Let's make the will NOW. (What about the pudding?)

I've been trying to figure out what I have written on my forehead, cause I can't see it in the mirror! It must change constantly, too! :? LOL

I think people are CLUELESS! If you ever feel the need to be the "hostess" again to "make it easier for you", then I would suggest you assign people to every job. Sis, can you and daughter clear the table, Howie, how 'bout you grab the trash... etc. Jr, here, sit down with your uncle and keep him company, why don't you hold his drink (or whatever) for him so he can have a sip?

Guess I'm just bossier than you!

Seriously, they don't have a clue, and should have pitched in. Maybe they were all waiting for the next one to start? Not right.

We're having a going away get together tomorrow at my Mom's, and its takeout pizza, paper plates, etc. Come to think of it, not sure how many are coming, but if they do, they're gonna bring something, and pitch in while they're here.

I feel for you, it's frustrating.

CJ what would happen if you said to them, "I'm exhausted. Can you all put out the dinner, and while you clean up after I will give D some pudding? Thanks so much. I know you understand." What a bunch thoughtless a--holes. What is wrong with people now days? The me generation is alive and well.
Laurel

Feel for you CJ, but as The others have said, be more assurtive. What you say on here, try and say to them.....to heck with them feeling bruised about it.

I had a soccer end of year break up here last night. Hubby was wonderful at helping with the cleaning up.......he even put all the disposable plates in the dish washer, bless him

What they did is soooo Wrong, that's just not Right.....Yes Clueless, Stupid and down right Rude for them to do that to you. Where is the LOVE? Caring?....shows their true colors. I feel for you and all your going thru. They just DON'T get it at all.

And Yes to what Aly said, say it to them, no more nice guy! They had their chance.

Be blunt, just like Helen said. Designate who does what. Let them know you need a break. This is not a time for niceness, if they can't help stay home.

This was downright rude, even if your husband wasn't sick. Seeing that he is, I am just here shaking my head with my mouth hanging open. I am not the assertive type either, so I am not sure what I would have done. I would have mixed emotions from them bringing all the food and then the way they treated both of you.
I am so sorry your get together had to turn out like this.

I know, I know. I guess I am stubborn. Well, I know I am! I don't want to ask. For God's sake, one is a RT and heart nurse. She knows what's going on and she just sat there. Another helped her friend for years with a paralyzed ADULT son.

I mean, I just kept WAITING, thinking to myself, "They are going to get up any minute now and tell me they will take care of the kitchen." When they didn't and requested the the divvying of food, I just had to bring all the patience I could muster in to play.

They then "retired" to the living room, where my husband sat. He still doesn't use any speech device to communicate (he's got several). So I thought, "Good, they can deal with trying to understand him!" LOL I kept hearing the I don't get you, I didn't get that, what did you say. Finally, I heard the loud HUH from my husband, which has been my nickname for quite some time. It used to be Honey. He was tired of everyone not understanding him. He wanted pudding, so I brought it. Yet, he continued to talk with pudding in his mouth. Nobody could understand a word, of course.

I know what I should do after the fact. But when it's happening, I guess I have too many emotions involved. I guess it's that "family" thing.

I know exactly what you mean CJ. We being the peanut gallery can offer all sorts of advice, but it is so different when you're involved. I'm the sort that thinks of exactly what to say in situations like yours about 10 minutes after they all leave. A great big hug to you--as you remain one of my heroes.
Laurel

Laurel, I'm with you on that 10 minute lag.

But, I'm no hero. In fact, I'm quite the opposite. I'm just living the way I think I should and if I should have to borrow a cape every now and then, it will need to count. I don't want to use up my points!

Unbelievable. Shame on them. So sorry they did that to you. You must have felt such disappointment in all of them. Very sad.

CJ, back in the days when D was still healthy, I imagine you were the one in your family who organized and made the dinners roll on as needed. Every family tends to have someone who does it. I was the one in our generation, but I have a sister-in-law who is great, and now she (with her 3 daughters) makes it happen. I agree with others who are nudging you to speak up. Just make sure you sound strong, and tell them at the very beginning of planning the next event--someone needs to set out food, someone needs to organize clean-up, because you need the break and also still have D to see to. Check with them before and also as they come in the door...do not let up. Remember that iron fist in the velvet glove!

You know, that 10 minute lag is so true... in the middle of the situation, I probably would have done the same thing you did... just keep going and getting more angry about it. But I have to say that my brothers are pretty clueless unless I ask them for something, but my SIL's and Mom are pretty much upfront with, do you need anything, can I bring anything, what can I help with (at least 3 out of 4 are, the other one is too tied up with "her" family to realize that her husband even has one and lol, she's a nurse too!).

I get mostly frustrated with my so-called "hubby" (we've been separated for years and he moved back in to "help" me, and I'm still the one paying for everything) as he's always about himself. He even went to the MDA ALS meeting and talked so much about himself, and how my illness has impacted HIM, and HIS sobriety, that the social worker finally told him that it was an ALS meeting, not an AA meeting! He's got a good heart, but is ADD and pretty much lazy. My daughter has finally stepped up to the plate a bit more, my 2 sons are usually pretty good, the youngest is my best helper... he's so adorable, though he'd be mad if I said that to him!

cj,sorry for what your family put you through and i agree with everyone else.
it was just plain bad manners and thoughtless.........good mannered people offer to help.
even if i go to someones for a meal with my disabilities i offer to help.
if they ever want to come over for a meal again i think you should tell them before hand that its too much for you unless they help.
hope you get your plasticware back,it has a habit of disapearing for good.
take care.

I just don't get some people!

Even when we were kids--grandma cooked--no one had to ask, we knew it was just courtesy to clear the table and put stuff away. Automatic.

And...sheesh...they actually ASKED for the leftovers?

I guess sometimes people just don't think. Hindsight is 20/20, but I'm pretty bad myself sometimes about sticking up for me and just seething quietly--but it's really bad for your health to do so, believe me!

Hugs hon. I hope you at least enjoyed the dinner!~