LizT
Very helpful member
- Joined
- Aug 8, 2010
- Messages
- 1,547
- Reason
- Lost a loved one
- Country
- US
- State
- WI
- City
- Beaver Dam
WARNING- THIS MAY COME OFF AS SUPER WHINEY
I am so completely overwhelmed right now that I want to just thrash something and then curl up and die. I dont understand why when it rains, it pours. Some folks say that God never gives you more than you can handle-wel im really starting to doubt that. Even if it is true, does it mean that He has to throw a million things in my direction all at one time, over and over again?
I dont really even know where to start...
My 29 y/o step- sister was recently diagnosed with cervical cancer. She has decided not to tell anyone in the family, except for me. She made me promise i wouldnt tell anyone. So not only do I carry the weight of my sister having cancer, Im not allowed to discuss it with anyone. And she is refusing treatment... a whole other story.
My best friend, who is 24, just found out that she has cancer- again. 3rd time. She had a very small spot in 07, chemo took care of it. Had some more last summer, and chemo took care of that as well. Now its back, and she too is refusing treatment. I also cant talk to her about any of it, because she likes to keep alot of her health issues to herself. More like she is pretending its just not really happening.
And, of course, the love of my life has the wonderful ALS beast.
I just cant do this anymore. it seems like everyone around me is going to be dieing off soon. why even have relationships with people if all theyre going to do is die?
I understand this is life- but my sis and my best friend are in their 20's. And Ive got nowhere to put all this pain. everything is a damn secret. why did i have to be told then?
And now i feel guilty for even complaining. I should be thinking of them and what they are going thru, not how i feel about it. its must be alot harder living it than just knowing someone who is ill. but the thing is- if all these really special people are going to leave me shortly, then what is the point of living myself?
Im sorry you guys. i have had such a horrible day today and i had to get this off of my chest. its all really starting to kill me. sometimes i wish it would.
I am so completely overwhelmed right now that I want to just thrash something and then curl up and die. I dont understand why when it rains, it pours. Some folks say that God never gives you more than you can handle-wel im really starting to doubt that. Even if it is true, does it mean that He has to throw a million things in my direction all at one time, over and over again?
I dont really even know where to start...
My 29 y/o step- sister was recently diagnosed with cervical cancer. She has decided not to tell anyone in the family, except for me. She made me promise i wouldnt tell anyone. So not only do I carry the weight of my sister having cancer, Im not allowed to discuss it with anyone. And she is refusing treatment... a whole other story.
My best friend, who is 24, just found out that she has cancer- again. 3rd time. She had a very small spot in 07, chemo took care of it. Had some more last summer, and chemo took care of that as well. Now its back, and she too is refusing treatment. I also cant talk to her about any of it, because she likes to keep alot of her health issues to herself. More like she is pretending its just not really happening.
And, of course, the love of my life has the wonderful ALS beast.
I just cant do this anymore. it seems like everyone around me is going to be dieing off soon. why even have relationships with people if all theyre going to do is die?
I understand this is life- but my sis and my best friend are in their 20's. And Ive got nowhere to put all this pain. everything is a damn secret. why did i have to be told then?
And now i feel guilty for even complaining. I should be thinking of them and what they are going thru, not how i feel about it. its must be alot harder living it than just knowing someone who is ill. but the thing is- if all these really special people are going to leave me shortly, then what is the point of living myself?
Im sorry you guys. i have had such a horrible day today and i had to get this off of my chest. its all really starting to kill me. sometimes i wish it would.