- Joined
- May 9, 2016
- Messages
- 1,529
- Reason
- Lost a loved one
- Diagnosis
- 06/2016
- Country
- US
- State
- MN
- City
- Minneapolis
Today I went to the estate attorney and conferenced Brian in and we talked about all those things I have put off for literally two years. Crazy, huh? The drive over was beautiful, through all these parkways. Then at the meeting I sat and looked out a window too, so perfect view. I took it as a sign that I would be okay. So, of course will Brian in the largest sense of that word.
Yesterday I was meeting with a coworker after hours and we had wine and she started really asking about Brian and I started reciting facts. She teared up, I felt next to nothing. It was odd but as I explained to her I need to be like that most of the time. I could’nt function otherwise.
I also said that at some point, some time in life you get your thing - that loss that seems insurmountable and is just crazy painful. Most people will have that eventually. This is my turn. Brian is down but not overly so, better than last week. His core strength is beginning to fail him, and that seems somehow more ominous than limbs, hands, feet.
I think I decided I hate this house. For a variety of reasons I will live in it for a couple more years, but it is always going to be the house Brian got sick in. I wonder if I can ever look at my living room again and not see a Hoyer and a hospital bed, not see the night he showed me he could not raise his toes.I may feel different in time.
My mom had surgery today, spinal fusion at 82. Not sure I approve but it was not my call. She seems to be okay thus far.
Yesterday I was meeting with a coworker after hours and we had wine and she started really asking about Brian and I started reciting facts. She teared up, I felt next to nothing. It was odd but as I explained to her I need to be like that most of the time. I could’nt function otherwise.
I also said that at some point, some time in life you get your thing - that loss that seems insurmountable and is just crazy painful. Most people will have that eventually. This is my turn. Brian is down but not overly so, better than last week. His core strength is beginning to fail him, and that seems somehow more ominous than limbs, hands, feet.
I think I decided I hate this house. For a variety of reasons I will live in it for a couple more years, but it is always going to be the house Brian got sick in. I wonder if I can ever look at my living room again and not see a Hoyer and a hospital bed, not see the night he showed me he could not raise his toes.I may feel different in time.
My mom had surgery today, spinal fusion at 82. Not sure I approve but it was not my call. She seems to be okay thus far.