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Wow, Lenore. Hard conversation to have. I hope some of her doctors or social workers can give you a hand there. Sending big hugs.
 
Oh Lenore I hear ya.

Your stuff rang true for me with many parallels with my brother. Oh the 'sticking him in a home' bit, yup I know it. Like everything that happened to them is somehow your fault, no responsibility. And nasty as a cut snake.

Rant on, it's really hard to deal with. I hope you can get the team together you need to make this as best it can be for you. Won't be easy, won't be nice, but I hope you are supported in getting this across to her.
 
My mom - geez. Laying in a bed talking about bad stuff that happened 70 years ago (literally), having an estranged son, a deceased daughter who was estranged (10 years my senior, and she spent most of her years tormenting us all) and me. Yup pretty much now just me. No one else comes around. That’s a big problem when the one person left who comes around is a CALS with a full time, “career” type job. It’s hard to help much when you yourself must hire some helpers.

I just hope even with no kids myself I have done a little better with people in life than to be like my mom if I make it that long. My Brian says he has had a good run. My mother is angry, lonely, and focused on all things negative. I would not say she is full of regret because that requires a taking of responsibility she has never done. She is for sure miserable and has been for awhile now. About as long as her narcissistic personality stopped giving her short term rewards.

ALS is always tragic, but it is not the greatest tragedy. Not by a long shot.

Feeling oddly comforted today spending time with some British friends who have no holiday tradition of the 4th.
 
We sold Brian’s Nissan Titan last night. Big, big luxury truck (what a concept, I know). We took our first trip to what we call “Up North” together in that truck.

Brian and I use to go up North regularly. Grand Marais and beyond, right by the Canadian boarder. We rented vacation homes, beautiful ones. We went to restaurants in town, drive and walked the woods, and most of all soaked in the awesomeness of Lake Superior.

My coworkers son bought it and I told her I hope he takes a trip with the love of his life in it. I loved that he got it, it was a good deal in great shape and it did not go to a stranger.

I am though just so very tired of saying goodbye.
 
Saying goodbye is always bitter, hope it makes it bittersweet to know the Nissan has a new loving home.
 
Lenore - hugs to you. The goodbyes are just as hard as the new hellos with this disease. So many things ending. Sometimes I wonder if it’s worse being drug out over months/years vs. an unexpected bang and done. Don’t know.

You can be happy someone good got the truck. And you’ll always have your memories of the good times with it and Brian.

Hugs,
 
Thank you all, I am as always overwhelmed with your kindness and support.
 
Today my mother thinks I brought my clothes to her instead of a bunch of her clothes washed. She was upset about it.

She also this weekend wanted more Miralax at the Care center (she thinks double doses help her IBS when the opposition is true, been going on for years) and when they suggested she sit on the toilet instead, she refused because she was afraid they would not transfer her with the “leg machine” so instead she manually pulled her own poop into her diaper. Yesterday, she defended this behavior and cried and told me I use to be her Golden Girl but now she was alone.Today she said she wanted to die.

I think she is officially in dementia, in deep depression.
 
Hugs, Lenore. That sounds tough.
 
How awful Lenore, it must be horrible to watch with all the history you have with her :(
 
Lenore I am so very sorry you are going through this right now.

Hugs,
 
Whew with your own mom this is nothing that is emotionally pushed away or rationalized. Much strength to deal with this horror!
 
So what do you do on the day you got your husband set up with a condom catheter because his hands are getting weaker every day and finally had a peaceful chat with your mom about long term care?

You order Prime Rib delivered, far too expensive and feel an odd combination of relief, grief, and resignation. Trying to absorb the lessons of this road, because when it ends I want to have something to claim from it.

I think I am not the same person I woke up being this morning.
 
I hope you enjoy your prime rib and your victories today, Lenore!
 
Lenore, I agree with your approach whole-heartedly. Enjoy what your can while you can. If you can overspend - do it now! I'm hoping you all enjoyed your prime rib!? I spent the last 3 years making sure that I thought little about what "we" could afford and what I would have after Dave's life insurance / annuity kicked in. I am fully appreciative and aware that we are fortunate enough to have those things. That said, I could have scrimped on things the last 2-3 years, but I would rather work extra overtime hours to make up the difference in the future. If you want my private opinions/advice about condom catheters, PM be and I will share my/our experices with this. Hugs to you Lenore!
 
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