Guilt

We finally got to get away for 3 days. We had a family member who is a nurse's tech and has sat with Mom when she first came home a few days a week for a couple of hours each day. She knows the routine. She has suctioned, was trained by our resp therapist, has fed Mom. I tried to make it as easy as possible. Dad even helped at bedtime. I left all of her food, labeled, blended already. All she had to do was pour it in the tube. Well, that was a disaster...she forgot to open the tube ( a number of times) and got food all over her and Mom, which of course means that Mom got very little in her stomach. I left her a schedule...had all the meds crushed in cups ready to add water. Meds are not supposed to be given with food. Mom said she gave her meds at the same time as her meals....(what happened to following the schedule). But the worst thing that happened was she did not hear Mom ringing her bell in the middle of the night....2 nights...Mom ended up pulling the suction machines (on a cart with wheels) close to her, suctioned herself...all this time the vent was beeping and Alli still did not hear. Mom tried to get to her wheelchair but could not because Alli put the bed rail all the way up (which was probably a good thing since she would not have heard Mom if she fell). Mom finally threw her bell into the hallway against the wall....so much for weakness....and it smashed to pieces...that woke her up. This was because she had to go to the bathroom. Mom told me all of this after Alli left and I paid her. Oh and she is now smoking, which I did not know, and although she did not smoke in the house she would go out for ciggs and not be able to hear Mom if she needed her. As she left, Alli said to me..."WOW, you are a saint for doing this. I have to give you a lot of credit." I just cried when Mom told me all of this. No more get aways for us.

Hard to remember what a great time we had and how healing the ocean is.

Oh Laura , so sorry to here this news.. So very sad...makes you wonder who you can trust for sure? I do hope you find someone reliable so you can have some more getaways? That is so important for you? Hugs, Linda

I am sorry to hear this! It reminds me how hard it is to find good help. You went out of your way to make it easy for her. Unbelieveable.
My heart goes out to you!

I am so proud of you for making arrangements to get away. I am sorry the care you arranged did not work out even after all the work you put into planning it. Don't give up after just one not so good episode. You need your respite so please consider trying again in the future.

Thanks everyone. We think we will start training my sister-in-law. She has helped out a little in the past year and is willing to learn. Mom is ok with that. She was very obviously still upset about it. She kept talking about it all day. I think because she likes Alli so much and was sad that she was not so attentive to her. I just get very upset when I feel that she is not being given the best care. We will work it out though...we have to for our sanity!

that is so sad. It's like you have to have some sort of watchdog or baby cam to make sure things are going as they should! A family member? Even sadder...

Oh no. I am so sorry. It worries me sick to think of someone coming in just to help for the day! I would have thought a family member would be fine.

Sometimes, all to often, family are worse than an outside caregiver. It takes a lot of effort to find a good caregiver, family or not.

i go thru the same with home health aides . no one will ever care for my wife like i do cause i do it outta love they are doing a job. sucks but that is why i stay on them like a bum on a bologna sandwich. my wife also waits to tell me after they leave . whats up with that?

Yeah, really. Mom does not want me to say anything to her either. I think she thought it was goiing to be like a vacation here for her for 3 days. She is a single Mom. I know she hears her daughter if she yells in the middle of the night. Made me wonder if she was even here. But she had to be cause she finally came when Mom threw the bell against the wall into the hallway. Amazing that she was able to reach down and use her cough assist machine herself. Never again...not her anyway.

I have to say, upsetting though this experience was, your mom showed real strength and spunk in dealing with her problems. Throwing her bell into the hallway so hard it broke! That's one way to get a response. She must have been a formidable lady in her day.

Oh, she was, Hal.She spoke her mind always and did not give up until she got the answer she thought was right. She always found a way....and the good thing about all of this is that she knows that she can suction herself if she has to. She has always been very strong and even though she was upset and scared about some of the things that happened, she made sure to tell me that Alli did not do it on purpose...she was just sleeping deep.