I had a conversation with my Mother-In-Law last night (she's staying with us over this Memorial Day weekend). Now, I've written quite a bit about my guilt trips and various challenges while caring for Liz. She put it all in perspective for me though when we started talking about hospice, home health care and our private nurse. She said, and I quote, "nobody would have given Liz the care you gave her". She has thanked me, profusely over the last year or so, for doing what I did for her daughter. I've come to realize that if the mother of my wife can accept that my efforts were all that I could give then maybe I really should just give myself a break and believe it.
The fact of the matter is, I couldn't save her. I gave her all the love I had, but love can't defeat ALS, at least not in the physical sense. So now I think I'll check the guilt baggage, accept my human failings and go on from here, hopefully with a lighter heart.