One month down, lifetime to go

Mom passed on 5/3, today is 6/3, one month has passed. I saw a movie the other night about a family that had lost their mother. In one scene the little boy came into the kitchen and just started jumping up and down and crying out, 'I want my mommy". That's how I feel some days. Tears are always just waiting to be spilled. Dad & I are functioning, I'm working, taking care of my dog. We've moved from the "thank God she's not in that horrible shape anymore", to the reality that she is gone. She was 80, what a horrible way to end one's life. I find myself crying mostly over what I miss when she was well. I don't cry to much over the shape she got in, I am just mostly crying over the life we shared. I do think, as some on here have mentioned, that a CALS person can most definately suffer from PTSD. I told that to several people at her visitation. No one except those of us who have walked down the road with a PALS can really understand not only what the PALS went through, but also what the CALS went through.

Kim

Thank you for sharing that Kim, it resonated totally with me.

It's been 6 weeks for me, and PTSD is indeed valid. Hugs

>It's been 6 weeks for me, and PTSD is indeed valid.

it is very real as is the grieving process -- find time to read up on the stages and try to work thru them ...

Kim, these are trying times for you and your dad. I can hardly believe it has been a month since your mom passed. I hope time will start to heal your hurt, and your happy and good memories will crowd out the awfulness that your family went thru.

Be strong sister

Kim, hold on to the precious memories of your mom. I lost my mom 16 years ago and still think of her often. It never goes away - you just find a way to go on. Thinking of you my friend.

Debbie

Sorry for everyone's loss. As I'm the one losing this battle I'd like to know how to ease the burden of loss for my adult children and grandkids? My husband takes care of me now. What can I do now that will help them after I'm gone? I'm unable to speak.

>Sorry for everyone's loss. As I'm the one losing this battle I'd like to know how to ease the burden of loss

tomorrow after I cheer up

Oh Kim, this makes me so sad. What a horrible way to end one's life indeed. No matter how much I wish for my mom's suffering to be over and for my unrelenting caregiving schedule to be done and over with - I cannot really imagine how my life will move forward without her. I know that my life will never be the way that it was before those 3 atrocious letters were spoken. I can only hope that the memories of our loved ones before this death sentence will return and ease some of our burden. I am thinking of you.

Trina

I wouldn't want mom back in the shape she was in, but I sure miss the way she was. It continues to be hard. Dad & I went to Cracker Barrel Saturday. Didn't seem quite right without her. We hadn't eaten out for nearly a year. As you know, life kinda of goes on "hold". As much as I never want to hear those three letters again, ALS will always be a part of my life because it took my best friend. People on the forum, and my friends at work all say the same thing basically: You never get over it, you just learn to live without them. I trust in time I will get my "happy" back. Now I only have "happy" back when I'm with my sheltie. He basically saved me during all the journey. Without him I don't think I could have survived it.

>Now I only have "happy" back when I'm with my sheltie. He basically saved me during all the journey. Without him I don't think I could have survived it.

post a pic to share ...

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Hang in there Kim. It took me a year before I felt a fraction of myself after my brother died. I don't know if it was that long because my husband of 23 years left 5 days after the funeral, but I too relied on my golden retriever to fill that empty hole in my heart. But something amazing did happen in that year and it was that God filled me up in my great need, until then I thought I had decided that he wasn't there, or if he was he didn't care about me. It has been 13 years since, and he has been so faithful, not taking the trials away from me, obviously, but providing for me so that I can do what is needed. I am praying for you.

Paulette

Kim C said:

I wouldn't want mom back in the shape she was in, but I sure miss the way she was. It continues to be hard.
...
snip
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I trust in time I will get my "happy" back. Now I only have "happy" back when I'm with my sheltie. He basically saved me during all the journey. Without him I don't think I could have survived it.

Click to expand...

Kim, I am constantly relieved that Chris suffering is over. We are heading into winter, and I often think how the cold would have been so hard on him.

That's not who we want back though as you said so well - we want the pre-ALS person back, the vibrant, alive, fun, loving whole person.

I actually am having a lot of happy times, lots of laughs, lots of energy even. But this incredible sadness fills much of me inside, and without warning it grabs me or a situation.

Dogs are brilliant in the way they give love. Let your sheltie comfort you as much as you need.
Find what you need to do, don't worry what anyone else thinks, just do it.

I'm gardening on projects that are stupidly big. I know it's how I'm dealing with profound grief, and I'm letting it happen, letting it work it's way out.

I hope you and your dad can work out ways to start having some nice times together as you heal together.

Tillie xxx

Tillie,


"....But this incredible sadness fills much of me inside, and without warning it grabs me or a situation."

Love you above line. Never know right now whenthe sadness will get me and tears will flow. Happened this morning walking Casey, continued on the way to work. I think it's going to be a rough day because I'm in a bad place emotionally today. Thank you for your encouragement.

Kim

I will hold your hand Kim while you face your day and I sleep xx

>I think it's going to be a rough day because I'm in a bad place emotionally today. Thank you for your encouragement.

don't forget for a second, Kim, that we are all in your team