bemindful
Active member
- Joined
- Jun 25, 2013
- Messages
- 61
- Reason
- Loved one DX
- Diagnosis
- 01/2008
- Country
- US
- State
- Missouri
- City
- St. Louis
Well, we moved Mom back home because she wanted to spend her last remaining months in her home (she says she has six months but I would be surprised). I was willing to try. But it looks like she is going to have to go back. My brother is starting work 7 days a week, so there goes that help. My sister in law who was giving me 1 night of respite is going in for a hysterectomy. My mom cursed out my best friend who was giving me 1 night of respite (although she may come back realizing that Mom was hallucinating b/c of meds. Mom thinks everyone is drugging her now, simply to move her back to the nursing home).
The fact is, that she is getting bad pressure sores from sitting in her lift chair all day. She refuses to get in the hospital bed to relieve them and I can no longer lift her alone anyway to transfer her to more than the commode. She now refuses to take pain meds and is in pain all day. I am a sick zombie. I am going to have to put her back into a nursing home. She is going to hate me, but I can't do it alone. Several days this week I got less than 4 hours sleep at night. Throwing up in the morning before eating. Angry for being in this situation. Exhausted. She gives me guilt: "Who took care of you when you were 4 years old?" when i try to tell her I can't do it all alone. She will hate me and will lash out at me. This is very unhealthy. In her original Advance Directive she wrote that she wanted to not be a burden to her children. Now that the situation is a reality, she is scared, in denial, and is not facing the end of her life well. She is very scared and overwhelmed and there is nothing I can do about it.
Some days this week I have been so exhausted that when she wants something, I have ignored it. I didn't have a single ounce of energy left.....spiritually, physically, psychically. My boyfriend took off work one day just to get me because I was falling apart.
I wish I could do it all, like some individuals post on here, but I just can't. I don't have any answers and I don't have any help. Hopice is supposed to be a support with this and they really aren't. I need a counselor, or something. I am depressed, have lost a lot of weight, and I don't even know what it is to enjoy a day anymore. Unemployed, broke, and full of guilt.
The fact is, that she is getting bad pressure sores from sitting in her lift chair all day. She refuses to get in the hospital bed to relieve them and I can no longer lift her alone anyway to transfer her to more than the commode. She now refuses to take pain meds and is in pain all day. I am a sick zombie. I am going to have to put her back into a nursing home. She is going to hate me, but I can't do it alone. Several days this week I got less than 4 hours sleep at night. Throwing up in the morning before eating. Angry for being in this situation. Exhausted. She gives me guilt: "Who took care of you when you were 4 years old?" when i try to tell her I can't do it all alone. She will hate me and will lash out at me. This is very unhealthy. In her original Advance Directive she wrote that she wanted to not be a burden to her children. Now that the situation is a reality, she is scared, in denial, and is not facing the end of her life well. She is very scared and overwhelmed and there is nothing I can do about it.
Some days this week I have been so exhausted that when she wants something, I have ignored it. I didn't have a single ounce of energy left.....spiritually, physically, psychically. My boyfriend took off work one day just to get me because I was falling apart.
I wish I could do it all, like some individuals post on here, but I just can't. I don't have any answers and I don't have any help. Hopice is supposed to be a support with this and they really aren't. I need a counselor, or something. I am depressed, have lost a lot of weight, and I don't even know what it is to enjoy a day anymore. Unemployed, broke, and full of guilt.