konagirl
Active member
- Joined
- Oct 16, 2015
- Messages
- 56
- Reason
- CALS
- Diagnosis
- 04/2016
- Country
- US
- State
- FLORIDA
- City
- Jacksonville
I never get frustrated with my husband. Seriously, I don't. But I do get frustrated with life. There is just so much piling up on me. Before ALS, we have always had a very 50/50 relationship. We both work full time jobs, I cook, he does dishes, I clean, I grocery shop, he pays bills, he takes care of everything outside, he takes care of the chickens, we both change diapers, we both tuck our kids in, we alternate on bathtimes, we even alternated getting up on the mornings when the babies were babies. I drop the kids off in the mornings, he picks them up in the afternoons. This has always worked for us. I always had him to help me and he has always had me to help him. Now, I cant ever seem to get caught up.
He is still walking, showering himself, driving. But can not walk well, and can no longer lift our daughter or connect her car seat straps. There is not much around the house he can do anymore at all. He wants so bad to, but he just cant. I find myself changing water filters, cleaning the chicken coup, climbing in the attic, heavy lifting, plus all the things in the list above that we used to share. And I do it all with a smile on face, because I know...I know its hurting him so immensely not to be able to do it himself.
Sometimes when I am running around like a chicken with its head cut off and the kids are yelling mom, mommy, mom, mom, mommy, mommy, mommy, MOMMY....I swear I just want to stop and cry. How do you handle it all?!?
How do you let out your frustrations? Again, I am not frustrated with him at all. All that I am complaining to you about, I do at home with a smile on my face, because it would make him so sad to know how stressed out I am and I don't ever want him to think this is his fault. Because it is NOT, it is ALS's fault. I love this man of mine so damn much. I want him to know that as he progresses, I can handle it and he will never be a burden to me. I want to show him how competent I am...but I am doubting myself, can I handle all of this without forgetting to feed the animals or missing the mortgage payment or signing the report cards or forgetting to brush my teeth? And when do I find the time to have fun with my children who know but don't fully understand why life has changed so much in the past 6 months? They don't deserve to lose their dad to ALS and their mom to stress....and by that I mean, my laughing with them, playing games, running in the rain, 4 wheeler rides, baking together, careless days and sporadic moments. Will they ever have their old mom back?
I cant let them see my frustrations with life, I have to smile through it, because I don't want my wonderful husband who is already mourning the amazing father he used to be, to think for a second that he is the cause of this. How do you handle this?!!? How do you get your frustrations out? Besides lots of wine
He is still walking, showering himself, driving. But can not walk well, and can no longer lift our daughter or connect her car seat straps. There is not much around the house he can do anymore at all. He wants so bad to, but he just cant. I find myself changing water filters, cleaning the chicken coup, climbing in the attic, heavy lifting, plus all the things in the list above that we used to share. And I do it all with a smile on face, because I know...I know its hurting him so immensely not to be able to do it himself.
Sometimes when I am running around like a chicken with its head cut off and the kids are yelling mom, mommy, mom, mom, mommy, mommy, mommy, MOMMY....I swear I just want to stop and cry. How do you handle it all?!?
How do you let out your frustrations? Again, I am not frustrated with him at all. All that I am complaining to you about, I do at home with a smile on my face, because it would make him so sad to know how stressed out I am and I don't ever want him to think this is his fault. Because it is NOT, it is ALS's fault. I love this man of mine so damn much. I want him to know that as he progresses, I can handle it and he will never be a burden to me. I want to show him how competent I am...but I am doubting myself, can I handle all of this without forgetting to feed the animals or missing the mortgage payment or signing the report cards or forgetting to brush my teeth? And when do I find the time to have fun with my children who know but don't fully understand why life has changed so much in the past 6 months? They don't deserve to lose their dad to ALS and their mom to stress....and by that I mean, my laughing with them, playing games, running in the rain, 4 wheeler rides, baking together, careless days and sporadic moments. Will they ever have their old mom back?
I cant let them see my frustrations with life, I have to smile through it, because I don't want my wonderful husband who is already mourning the amazing father he used to be, to think for a second that he is the cause of this. How do you handle this?!!? How do you get your frustrations out? Besides lots of wine
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