DeansWife
Distinguished member
- Joined
- Oct 18, 2011
- Messages
- 197
- Diagnosis
- 08/2011
- Country
- US
- State
- AL
- City
- Fairhope
Dean had his Peg tube procedure yesterday. All went well and he's doing fine. I'm the basket case, the crazy one, the overwhelmed one.
Home health care showed up around 11am today. Two gals arrived at our door with their arms full of stuff and went back to the car for more. I asked what all of it was and was told formula, syringes and some other misc. stuff. I'm looking at 6 cases of formula and said, dang, I don't know where I'll store it. One of them answered - in the pantry. Oh sure, maybe she has a big one, we don't. Onward, the RN says - I have a lot of paperwork for you to sign. OK, no problem. Then she asks if Dean has a advanced directive/living will. Yes. OK, she needs a copy. Off I go to the other room to make her a copy all the while she is still asking me questions. I'm thinking, lets do one thing at a time! Sorry but my brain is not that of a 30 year old, it runs slower! I get the copies made and she is rattling off the paperwork so fast I can't keep up. Sign here, initial there, sign here, on and on. She says - I know it's a lot but you can look all this over at your leisure - what the hell is that! So, paperwork is signed, I now own a book to read at my leasure and we're moving on to the feeding tube. The helper meanwhile has been removing the bandage from Dean's stomach. So I'm told, use this and this (peroxide) and wipe around the tube. Don't worry, she says, you can't hurt him. Really? That's done and then she talks about sucking out the contents of his stomach and if it so much no feeding should be done and oh yes, you have to put what was sucked out back in. Then on to the formula, it's gravity feed so pour it in the syringe and let it flow. OK, so I pour and no problem, I pour more and she says don't fill the syringe because it may burp and it would go everywhere or if Dean coughs same thing. Feeding takes very little time for a can, good thing I think. Have to do it 5 times a day unless he eats during the day. I wash the syringe and plunger. The RN says to me, there you go, you've got it. If you have any questions just give us a call. Out the door they go! It was about 25 minutes later. So, I didn't expect them to spend the day but dang, they could have slowed down and let it sink into my pea brain so I would know if I had questions. I watched them drive away and it was like the most helpless feeling I've ever had. I stood on our front porch and cried. I know that ya'll have been through this but did you feel so helpless? I'm not afraid to feed or help Dean feed himself. That wasn't the problem. I believe it was like finally realizing that not only Dean's life was changing but mine was too. How do you keep yourself from becoming depressed? Do any of you take anything? I am suddenly so completely overwhelmed by it all that I don't know what to do. My friends all say I'm such a strong person and I think I always have been. Will it come back? I don't feel that way now. Maybe writing this out will help me, I pray it does because I don't like the way I'm feeling mentally and physically. I'm not young but not OLD either. I'm going to be 69 this year and have some medical issues myself that I've put on the back burner because of being consumed with taking care of Dean and making sure he keeps all his appointments etc. I know that I need to keep myself in good physical condition but when do you find the time?
Well, there you are, I've beared my soul. I pray tomorrow will be a brighter day and I'll wake up feeling like I can take on the world. Thanks for listening as I know ya'll have your share of problems/issues also.
Home health care showed up around 11am today. Two gals arrived at our door with their arms full of stuff and went back to the car for more. I asked what all of it was and was told formula, syringes and some other misc. stuff. I'm looking at 6 cases of formula and said, dang, I don't know where I'll store it. One of them answered - in the pantry. Oh sure, maybe she has a big one, we don't. Onward, the RN says - I have a lot of paperwork for you to sign. OK, no problem. Then she asks if Dean has a advanced directive/living will. Yes. OK, she needs a copy. Off I go to the other room to make her a copy all the while she is still asking me questions. I'm thinking, lets do one thing at a time! Sorry but my brain is not that of a 30 year old, it runs slower! I get the copies made and she is rattling off the paperwork so fast I can't keep up. Sign here, initial there, sign here, on and on. She says - I know it's a lot but you can look all this over at your leisure - what the hell is that! So, paperwork is signed, I now own a book to read at my leasure and we're moving on to the feeding tube. The helper meanwhile has been removing the bandage from Dean's stomach. So I'm told, use this and this (peroxide) and wipe around the tube. Don't worry, she says, you can't hurt him. Really? That's done and then she talks about sucking out the contents of his stomach and if it so much no feeding should be done and oh yes, you have to put what was sucked out back in. Then on to the formula, it's gravity feed so pour it in the syringe and let it flow. OK, so I pour and no problem, I pour more and she says don't fill the syringe because it may burp and it would go everywhere or if Dean coughs same thing. Feeding takes very little time for a can, good thing I think. Have to do it 5 times a day unless he eats during the day. I wash the syringe and plunger. The RN says to me, there you go, you've got it. If you have any questions just give us a call. Out the door they go! It was about 25 minutes later. So, I didn't expect them to spend the day but dang, they could have slowed down and let it sink into my pea brain so I would know if I had questions. I watched them drive away and it was like the most helpless feeling I've ever had. I stood on our front porch and cried. I know that ya'll have been through this but did you feel so helpless? I'm not afraid to feed or help Dean feed himself. That wasn't the problem. I believe it was like finally realizing that not only Dean's life was changing but mine was too. How do you keep yourself from becoming depressed? Do any of you take anything? I am suddenly so completely overwhelmed by it all that I don't know what to do. My friends all say I'm such a strong person and I think I always have been. Will it come back? I don't feel that way now. Maybe writing this out will help me, I pray it does because I don't like the way I'm feeling mentally and physically. I'm not young but not OLD either. I'm going to be 69 this year and have some medical issues myself that I've put on the back burner because of being consumed with taking care of Dean and making sure he keeps all his appointments etc. I know that I need to keep myself in good physical condition but when do you find the time?
Well, there you are, I've beared my soul. I pray tomorrow will be a brighter day and I'll wake up feeling like I can take on the world. Thanks for listening as I know ya'll have your share of problems/issues also.