Wit's end

[Flowerpot]

Hello friends

I haven't posted for a while but have been looking at your goings-on. I don't know if you remember that a difficult sibling was back on the scene ? Well now they are challenging my lovely sister and I about the type of care we have for Mum , the cost and whether legally we have done it right.

I am horrified , especially for my sister who has POA and has done a monumental job. Mum is very settled where she is and has confided she is unsure of the difficult sibling , although she is apparently glad to see her again. I don't know what to do !

An update on Mum is that her speech is very difficult to understand , she can only really manage liquid nutrients and her mobility is such that she has a hoist for the loo. The good thing is she now has an electric wheelchair , which she has begun using again following a few low weeks when she had a chest infection .

We have not seen her in over a week , as the nursing home has an outbreak of flu , so damage limitation has set in and no visitors are allowed. So far , Mum's floor has not succombed.

Sorry for the rant but I am so frustrated !

kind regards to you all

Flowerpot

 

[brooksea]

Flowerpot,

Sorry you are such difficulties with your sibling.

Since your sister has POA, I would think there should be no questions asked about the way in which she has done a most heart wrenching job. No one wants their loved ones to be "placed" somewhere, but sometimes we have no choice in order to provide the best care.

If your sister and you are willing to try to explain the process by which you arrived at the decision to choose the particular nursing home, etc..., and you think you sibling would listen respectfully, perhaps they would gain a better understanding of what y'all have been through with your Mum. If you think the sibling would just scoff at your opinions, then I would just try to keep the peace and stress to this sibling that your Mum does not need any upheaval in her life right now and needs to stay as happy as possible.

JMHO

Good Luck!

 

[BethU]

That is such a horrible situation with your sibling. Can you get an intermediary (like your mom's neuro) to take on the sibling and explain why your mom should not be stressed by being moving from a place where she is comfortable and well-taken-care of? Maybe having an authority figure spell it out for her ... that your mother's needs come first, not the sibling's ego ... your sibling will back off.

The thought of having to deal with a loved one with ALS plus all this interference from a "difficult" sibling is just too much.

Blessings to you and your sister.

 

[brendapals]

Flowerpot,
Good to hear from you, so sorry about your frustration! If your sister is POA, then perhaps you could have her get the social worker/liason/somebody in the facility to sternly explain to the other sibling what the POA's job is. That might take some of the stress off of you and your sister, and your mom, and let the person at the facility do the work.
I don't know if that works where you live or not, even if not, it may help to have a third party , that is not related to any of you, to intervene with that sibling.
take good care,
brenda