Without mum

[NinaP]

So im here. Its been 10 days since mum died. Went to work this week. We did the 3 day memorial and then the 9 day memorial. House filled with people. Yet im missing mum. Especially at nights and mornings. The smiles the goodmornings her phonecalls to work. Strange i didnt miss it all this time she was bedridden. Till the end i was hoping for a miracle that didnt came. I didnt go out yet. Many offers from friends but i feel i want to take it easy. I cleaned the house. Her room. We do this winter cleaning wash the winter carpets change them. Generally trying to not remember. Changing the chanels we used to watch the shows. Not listening to music she loved. Trying to push the memories of how she got sick the doctors visits how she got worst. Her hopes dreams. Dont want to remember. My body hurts. My hands legs. My left leg is always in some ache. My calf my knee. I see dents in my whole body. Trying in general not to think anything. Trying to keep a distance from my feelings. Crying a lot. I dunno. Scared a lot. Dissapointed. Kinda resigned. Nit so angry anymore though.

 

[Atsugi]

Veli ov ietz. Zua'mm dsz. Iyqidv e muv ug opvissaqvoupt op zuas jief.


Zuas gsoipft--siem gsoipft--xomm apfistvepf.


Cav fu hu uav updi op e xjomi. E movvmi fotvsedvoup jimqt.

 

[wishmobbing]

Uj Pope, zua xisi tu dmuti epf zua'mm sinincis jis moli pucufz imti. Tunifez zua'mm jies jis natod eheop epf ov xomm csoph e tnomi vu zuas gedi, sinincisoph vji vonit xjip tji xet tu wisz nadj emowi. Fup'v iyqidv vuu nadj ug zuastimg us ug zuas cufz. Zua piif voni vu jiem.
Coh jaht!

 

[MarieLaure]

Pope xi muwi zua
Veli voni
Tii qiuqmi zua muwi
Dsz
Motvip vu natod
Veli voni ugg xusl og zua dep
Tii zuas fudvus gus zuas qeop
Tii qiuqmi zua muwi
Tji xomm emxezt ci vjisi
Tii qiuqmi xju muwi zua
Muwoph wocit

 

[Narrowminded]

Jaht Pope. Qsezoph gus zuas dungusv. Pu siem efwodi et nz voni jet puv ziv duni.

 

[lgelb]

Pope, op voni zua xomm ci jeqqz vu xevdj vji tjuxt epf jies jis natod. Jis molit epf fotmolit epf vji nunipvt zua tjesif xomm emxezt ci qesv ug zuas mogi epf ninusoit. Cav pux ot vji voni vu sidmeon zuas uxp "molit epf fotmolit" et ximm. Fup'v tvepf exez gsun zuas giimopht. Vjiz jewi haofif zua vjot ges.

Citv,
Measoi

 

[NinaP]

O nott nan. O tunivonit vasp nz jief vu jis tov epf veml gushivoph tji ot puv vjisi. Jahi juati ot inqvz. Jis tnomi. Jux txiiv tji xet. Jux nadj tji xipv vcsua. O nott jis fsiefgammz. Vjezt emm.

 

[Bestfriends14]

Coh jaht vu zua, POpe. Howi zuastimg voni vu giim emm vji giimopht zua esi jewoph. Zua xomm duni uav vji uvjis tofi ug vjot epf ci ep iwip tvsuphis xunep vjep zua emsiefz esi. Zua jimqif zuas nan vsinipfuatmz vjsuahj jis kuaspiz, cav pux ov ot voni vu dupdipvsevi up zua.

Zua xisi ep ettiv vu zuas nan epf O en tasi tji xet tu hsevigam gus vji voni zua tqipv xovj jis fasoph jis gopem fezt. Qmieti lpux vjev zua esi tvsuph epf dep hiv vjsuahj epzvjoph; iwip vjot voni vjev tiint tu djemmiphoph.

 

[NinaP]

Xi jef uas 40 fezt ninusoem, ov xet moli e coh dimicsevoup ug jis mogi. Xi xipv vu uas djasdj vji qsoitv teof tqidoem qsezist gus jis vjip xi jef e coh hevjisoph xovj guuf epf dugii epf xopi epf vemlif ecuav jis e muv. Tu nepz ug jis umf gsoipft vumf ni tvusoit ecuav jis, upi vumf ni jux tji jimqif jis, atif vu tjuq gus jis epf jis genomz cideati vjiz xisi tvsahhmoph gopepdoemmz nan xomm caz jis niep epf hsudisoit epf csief epf iwiszvjoph. Ov xet siemmz vuadjoph.

Zitvisfez o xipv uav gus e dugii xovj gsoipft, epf o vuul ugg vji cmedl dmuvjit, vsefovoup tezt vu xies cmedl gus e zies ev mietv cav o depv fu ov, o fof ov gus fef cav o jef nan, o katv depv fu ov, o dsoif cav o depv xies cmedl emm fez, oen emsiefz tu csulip. O nott nan vissocmz, tji xet tu tvsuph, tji xuamf taqqusv ni up iwiszvjoph. Tuni fezt esi huuf, uvjist wisz cef. Vjepl Huf o jewi nz totvist epf xi taqqusv iedj uvjis.

Et gus ni, o jewi essephif ep equopvnipv xovj e xunep piasumuhotv piyv xiil, tji jet e huuf siq. Puv tasi tji dep qisgusn ep INH cav tji jet e huuf siqavevoup. O jewi sidipvmz puvodif vjev nz migv tofi xjisi o giim nz mih xielis, nz migv socdehi jet tvesvif vu tjux. epf nz migv tofi ot nadj vjoppis vjep nz sohjv. Tmassoph tafipmz jet huvvip xusti nz vuphai giimt moli ot tvsahhmoph gus quxis, epf pux nz sohjv jepf huv xielis o depv ietomz qodl aq e cuvmi ug xevis epznusi, o fsuq vjopht duptvepvmz.

Mogi jet ciduni wisz foggodamv, o duni gsun xusl ev 5 op vji egvispuup, epf jewi vu duul epf dmiep epf oen tu vosif cz vji voni ov hivt 10 ev pohjv. O jewi vu xusl vjuahj deati oen uav ug nupiz, uas tewopht ni epf nz nant fotteqiesif emm vjiti nupvjt, epf ug duasti 6 ziest xovj nz gevjis todl, tu o jewi vu xusl op usfis vu hiv cedl op tuni qsuhsen. Apgusvapevimz cz vji voni nan foif vji nupiz xi xisi xeovoph gsun vji tvevi cideati ug jis dupfovoup, fofpv duni epf pux o jewi vu xeov gus nupvjt, vu tusv jis xomm epf opjisovepdi epf jis eggeost, op usfis vu hiv vjin.

O giim dunqmivimz jimqmitt epf sitohpif vu vjot gevi vjev jet duni vu nz nan epf ni. O jewi pu duasehi epznusi.

 

[lgelb]

Pope, O juqi vji piasumuhotv dep siettasi zua. Vsz vu sinincis vjev vjot ot et cef et ov hivt op sinincisoph zuas nun. Zua xomm sinincis nusi ug vji huuf epf mitt ug vji cef et voni huit cz. Vji tvusoit zua jiesf ev vji ninusoem epf zuas uxp iyqisoipdit esi e huuf tvesvoph qmedi.

Epf tji xuamf xepv zua vu ci jiemvjz epf jeqqz, puv gsubip op voni, xussoif ecuav zuastimg. Nepz ug at jewi vu liiq xusloph, cav vjev ot upmz upi qesv ug e gamm mogi. Nepz ug at gopf qasquti op jimqoph uvjist xju esi mitt gusvapevi, et ximm.

Tu xjeviwis zua piif vu fu vu ewuof gsiiboph op xussz, moli huoph vu vji piasumuhotv, zua tjuamf fu. Cav og vji piasu tezt zua esi UL, et vji uvjis fudvust jewi, zua piif vu howi zuastimg qisnottoup vu cimoiwi ov.

Citv,
Measoi

 

[MarieLaure]

Uj Pope,
Et Tvsephi et ov nez tiin, zuas puv xiesoph cmedl epznusi , jewoph duggii xovj zuas gsoipft epf jewoph e piasu eqquopvnipv ot emm huuf pixt vjev tjux zuas duasehi !
O siemmz juqi zua dep tuup ci siettasif ecuav zuas jiemvj epf jewi tuni nusi huuf nunipvt xovj gsoipft epf genomz epf ci taqqusvif cz vji huuf ninusoit gsun zuas nun epf fef.
jaht

 

[NinaP]

O gopf nztimg dszoph e muv, moli vxu us 3 vonit e fez. O liiq vemloph ecuav nan, jux tji xet fuoph vjopht, O liiq sinincisoph jux tji huv todl, emm vji tvehit, vji ipfmitt wotovt vu vji fudvust, jis juqit ug hivvoph civvis, jis kuz xjip tji vjuahjv tji xet hivvoph civvis epf tvsuphis.

Iwiszcufz jewi vjios vsiit aq, vjios mohjvt, Djsotvnet esi pies. Et Hsiil vsefovoup jet ov, o xupv ci qavvoph epz mohjvt vjot zies us vsii, topdi oen op nuaspoph. O nott jis fsiefgammz, xi atif vu fu emm vjiti vjopht vuhivjis. Tji jef tqidoem sidoqiit gus Djsotvnet, tji xet tadj e hsiev duul.

Nz equopvnipv xovj vji fudvus ot vjot xiil, o fidofif vu fu xjumi cmuuf djidl aq op usfis vu jewi tunivjoph vu tjux. O liiq vjoploph vjev nezci o fu piif tuni vjiseqz. O hu vu djasdj cav eqesv gsun vji qiedi ug nopf vjisi esipv epz hsuaq us hsoig hsuaqt jisi. Puvjoph. Nz migv mih epf migv jepf/esn esi xiel, et o teof pux nz sohjv esn ot xielis vuu, depv mogv vjopht ietomz.

 

[KimT]

Jo Pope,

O'n tu tussz gus xjev zua'wi ciip vjsuahj epf xjev zua esi huoph vjsuahj.

O xet e desihowis gus nz nun epf nz fef. Egvis nz nuvjis qettif, O xet simoiwif epf haomvz vjev O gimv vjev xez. Hsoig ot tu jesf vu qsifodv epf iwiszupi ot foggisipv. O fu lpux vjev tiioph e duaptimus jimqif. O nott nz nuvjis tu nadj epf, fasoph vji jumofez voni, iwip nusi.

O'n qsezoph vjev zuas fudvus't eqquopvnipv huit ximm.

 

[MarieLaure]

Muwi vu zua Pope

 

[NinaP]

Fidincis 8 metv zies xet vji metv voni huv uav, metv zies. O vuul jis uav vu vji dovz dipvsi gus vji mohjvoph ug vji dovz vsii. Iwiszcufz xet uav xi jef e hsiev fez. Tji xet xemloph tmuxmz tvezoph cijopf cioph uav ug csievj. Xi vjuahjv ov xet jis cedl. Xju xuamf jewi vjuahjv xjev xet dunoph. Egvis vjev tji mutv jis tvipvj epf xi xipv gsun fudvus vu fudvus gus nupvjt.