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hyhy

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Hello.
First, let me tell you the circumstances.
My mother have been diagnosed with ALS for over 5 years.
She has been on the ventilator for over 2 years now and I have been taking care of her for the last 2-3 years as her son. My father passed away 3 years ago from cancer and my younger sister just graduated from college.
We decided to make a plan to withdraw life support on 6/28. I had to set this specific date so that I can invite mom's siblings and friends when we withdraw her from the ventilator. Of course, in order to do this procedure legally, the doctor must withdraw her life support. So I was able to admit her into hospice.
We have been living at our uncle's house since 2 years ago. And I have been able to care for my mother here, and I will be taking care of her here until the time comes.
However, when I discussed withdrawing life support here, my uncle's wife declined. Her reasons are her reasons. Although I do not concur, I have no choice to withdraw her life support elsewhere.
I asked my mom where she wants us to let her go. She wants to be by the sea because she was born in an island. She barely communicates to me by writing letters on her laps as I support her wrist.
I have found a place, kind of lile a nursing home, but it is a private house managed by an ex-hospice nurse. But it is not by the sea. Not even visible. But I did make rservations in case I cannot find another way.
We are in Corpus Christi, TX. City near Gulf of Mexico.
Right now I am trying to find either a remote private rental home or just simply some remote spot outdoors by the sea.
I have talked to both hospice and funeral homes and setup everything.
I just need to find the right place for mom.
 

lgelb

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First, I'm sorry for the losses she and you have had, and the loss that you still face.
Second, congratulations on stepping up to help your mom pass in peace and love.
So I'm confused here...you are just looking for a place to discontinue the vent? Why not rent a nice beach house on the Gulf? Is her vent somehow not portable?
It's your party. Assuming you have a reasonable hospice team, they should understand doing this on a porch, sunroom, deck, the beach, whatever. It really doesn't matter what's sterile and what's not, at that point, anyway.

Did I understand your question correctly? What did I miss?
 

hyhy

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That's correct, thank you for the reply.
The vent is portable, and the hospice team is very understanding of what I am want to do for my mom.
I am just afraid that if we go to where there are other people, they might report us. Then the rent company/home owner will sue us for having my mom die on their property without their consent. So I am trying to find a place that is not like a townhouse, but of very private home located in a remote beach environment.
 

lgelb

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I lived in Texas for >30 years, and never met the person who would report you. And if you rent your own beach house, who else is going to notice or know?

Anyway, as you pointed out, you're following the legalities, so what would they have to say? You don't sign anything in a beach house rental agreement about caregiving or life support, you sign something that says you're not going to wreck the place, steal or default on payments.

People die in rentals, they die in hotels, and you have the after-part worked out, so it's as if you were traveling with someone who was not in good health and that person died. I'm sorry, I don't understand the problem. But if you are really concerned, you could go to a legal clinic and consult a tenant attorney.
 

hyhy

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I am so relieved now after reading your posts.
I guess I was overthinking to the extent of extreme possibilities.
You are right.

Thank you so much for your input. Today we are gonna go check out a beach house that is somewhat remote. I think that place will be the one.
 

anderkling

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Your efforts to do all you can to fulfill your mother's last wishes are admirable, and deeply moving. In times to come, you will have peace of mind knowing you gave your Mom this gift. I hope and pray all things come together smoothly for you as you make the arrangements. May you have strength and peace as you say goodbye to your dear mom. I'm sorry for your loss.
- Charlene
 

Jeanau

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Sounds like you really listened to your Mom and have developed a wonderfully compassionate plan for withdrawing her life support. God bless all of you during this journey!
 

lgelb

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Glad the thread has helped. I would also say, if the rental agent or anyone notices the equipment and asks anything or looks quizzical, simply "My mom isn't well and wanted to see the Gulf again up close" or something pretty much tells the truth, explains why you might choke up, and sets the stage.

I wish all of you a peaceful trip, that you will be glad you have organized.

--Laurie
 

Nuts

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I so admire your efforts to follow your mom's wishes. I pray for a peaceful passing in a beautiful location. I hope that I have the strength that you are showing whem our time comes. Your mom must be a beautiful person to have raised a daughter like you!
 

hyhy

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Thank you all for kind words and wishes.
And Nut, my mother is really beautiful. People used to tell her to contest in a beauty pageants when she was young.
Also, I forgot to tell you all that I'm her son. I have a younger sister, though, haha.
Again, thank you everyone.
 

Nuts

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hyhy;344360 Also said:
Shame on me for makeing assumptions! I am so sorry! I often think...no, I know, that my husband would have been a better caretaker than I had our roles been reversed.
 

Gracious99

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I was thinking about you and your mom this morning, I haven't seen you post anything recently, I hope you and your family have found some peace.
Blessings to you,
Grace
 

Loverly

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