Oh, Wish - what a moving tribute to your BF! I admire your spirit, strength and very apparent sense of humor! This paragraph that you wrote particularly spoke to me:
"In a weird way he seemed better equipped than others to deal with the beast and from day one it was all about quality of, not fighting for a long life. He was the Yang to my Ying, we have opposite personalities and I seemed better equipped than others to deal with the beast from my side, conjuring energy and good cheer. His time had come, we'd talked about everything and were ready. Even one more month might have ground us both to bits".
Wow! I felt like I was having my own thoughts mirrored to me! Dave and I were also opposites in many ways, particularly in temperament. We also agreed from the beginning that we would not spend precious time pursuing "miracle" cures or whatever. Dave was content to take The Beast head on and deal with one thing at a time. I followed his lead and just kept peddling uphill. Like you, I have a goofy sense of humor and tried to never lose that around Dave. I failed more times then I would like to admit, but I know I gave him quite a few chuckles everyday. I am so glad for that. Like your BF, Dave never entertained self-pity, anger, never once said "why me", never lost his sense of humor, his interests in reading, movies, sports, etc., and never lost his kind & gentle spirit.
I miss Dave more now (just over 2 months in) than I did in the beginning. I mean, after about 2 weeks of shock or PTSD I just seemed to float into the new reality. Now I am finding my moods and feelings of loss truly are fluid, variable, and dependent upon the memories that are conjured up every day.
I too have the thoughts of separating myself totally from anything ALS related. But I do try to continue to maintain a presence here on the forum because of all the amazingly helpful souls I felt were "with me" throughout. Hopefully I help someone here and there as well.
I'm wishing the best to YOU Wish! Please continue to PM me if you need someone to "talk" to over the many miles. BIG hugs my CALS sister!