Hi Ryan, Welome. I'm sorry though that I have to welcome you here. I definitely feel your pain. Others have made many very good suggestions. You mentioned that your wife will no longer take anti-depressents since the birth of your daughter. One thing you both should know is that there are many. No particular one is good for everyone. See if she will explore something different. Maybe something more slated for anxiety would be better for her? It's a thought to get you thinking.
As Laurie mentioned there is a lot you can do with a computer with alternative means that doesn't require arms or hands. I'd look into that, and since you are in the tech field, you'll have an easier time understanding those. I'm sure she could work a graphics program or CAD that could help her draw again. My husband actually taught someone to use Corel Draw, by doing nothing but talking him through it. At the time, he could talk. Now he has designed products, just using a switch. He has no movement at all.
A meal train would be huge for you. While she may not like it, make sure that everyone who is involved knows your likes and dislikes or any restrictions you may have with food. They really are a blessing.
I also second an in-home nanny that would help your wife be mommy. One who could kind of take a backseat of sorts, just be your wife's hands. Hopefully, if things would work well, the two of them would become friends. You could get work done, and she would have someone to talk to in your absence.
Currently I'm going it alone with my husband, but our children are grown. They do help. Unfortunately we don't qualify for help, and I can't afford to hire it. However, if someone offers a meal, I take it. I highly recommend that you get help whether she agrees or not. For now, it doesn't have to be with her necessarily. Trust me when i say, if your family will help, take them up on it and you are very lucky.
I would also check with your local ALS Assoc. I do get a small grant from them that gets me a nurse from time to time. It's huge. Maybe she would allow an OT to come and assess the situation and make suggestions. Sometimes those suggestions coming from a professional outside the home are easier to accept.
I'm wishing you well as you attempt to work all of these things out.
Hugs,
Sue