When does it get easier

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The Sass

Jul 12, 2007
Hi all,

I and my dad (81) was my mom's caregiver. She passed away Feb. 14th. Though we knew she was going down we nor hospice knew it would be so soon. We knew 5 minutes before she was gone she was going. Anyway, it has been a month and I just cannot seem to find any this grief getting better. How long does it take and is it normal to be a basket case after 4 weeks.

Hi Sass,

My mom died Feb 25 and I keep going up and down like a yo-yo. I'm guessing that this is normal...that is, any way you are grieving is normal. You suffered a huge loss and it's going to take a lot of time for you to get over it (as much as any of us ever do). Especially since you didn't have any time to prepare for your mom's death - I imagine that just makes it all harder. Hang in there, and don't be hard on yourself. If you can even manage to get up in the morning, that's a huge step.

Best wishes,

As a nation, we place such huge respect on youth and vitality that sometimes people around us do not know how to support a great loss such as this. And when our friends and loved ones are quiet, we begin to second-guess our grief. But it does take time, and it is completely natural. Four weeks seems like a long time when you miss someone you loved, but in reality, you need to give yourself more time.

It helps if you do special things for yourself and above all take extra care of your health. In other words eat all your vegetables, exercise every day, and get plenty of rest. :-D

We are here for you, too. Don't forget that!
I'm so sorry about your mom. I think any way you grieve is "normal"----I guess there are different stages everyone has to go through, but we all do it differently. I was the one who had the hardest time right after my mom died---a lot of bad days, not being loving enough with my own family because I didn't have the energy or any joy, a lot of tears. But 6 months later, I'm much better. I miss Mom a lot, but I can think of her last days and I can think of the good times. My sister, OTOH, is having a nervous breakdown and panic attacks. She held it together after mom's death while she rested and looked for a new job (she was the caregiver); now she's finding out that she hasn't dealt with it and going to the grief counseling offered by Hospice. My brother is going through it in his own way. He put a lot of his grief into building Mom a beautiful casket---she wanted just a simple pine box, but he made it beautiful.

So, we all do it differently. Give yourself time and permission to grieve. Take advantage of grief counseling services if life is more than you can handle.

God bless you and your Dad!
The Sass

Grief is a Normal but hard process. I would be surprised if you recovered in a Month. Please read the attached Link. I think it will help you alot.


Sorry for you loss, given time it will get easier to bare.

The Sass

Hi Sass:

It will take time to get over the loss of your mom; I am still grieving for my husband, sometimes I feel better and sometimes I cannot stop crying, specially when I am alone,
Saturday's and Sunday's; I say to myself I am going to go out to the movies or to go shopping and I finish staying at home, working on my computer (making graphics). I need to keep my mind busy this is
the only way I stop thinking all he went through with this horrible A.L.S.

Next Sunday will be three month's of his passing away.

May God bless you and give you the comfort you need.

Baja California, Mexico
Cals to late husband Jorge
Dx Oct. 17, 2005 Died Dec. 30, 2007
Hey Sass, I hope the messages here have given you some peace. There is no magic formula or set date when the grief process will be over, or even a little easier for you. But I am guessing that you have already began to heal by the fact that you have reached out for help. My Granddad had a wonderful saying that I pay heed to every day-No matter what today offers up, the sun will come up tomorrow. You take care...
I agree... the first couple of weeks after my mum passed... I felt... okay. The past few weeks... I'm all over the board with my emotions. I'm clearing out her home.. memories of 37 years surround me in my childhood home and I'm shattered somedays to the point I think that my pain will never subside... other days, the sun comes out and the world seems a beautiful place. I think CindyM said something like... we can't place a specific time frame or way of grieving. I think she is right... we will all do what we think is right and grieve whatever way brings us peace of mind. We just have to roll with it and hope one day that it brings us to a better place emotionally. I know that I will get through this. I know we will all get through this. I remember when my grandmother died and I thought my mum's grief would never end... but, it did... and she learned to laugh and smile about her mum.. as I will one day for my mum.
Hello The Sass,
Grief comes and goes and the four weeks you mentioned in your post is such a short time. I'm so sorry for the pain of your loss. Our mothers were always there for us and losing them is very difficult. My mother died 7 1/2 years ago and I still grieve at odd moments as when I have a memory of something or feel grateful for the many valuable lessons I learned from her. I find that the cycle of a year after the death of a loved one brings much healing. The months preceding the anniversary of the death are filled with memories such as "he/she was still here then", but after the anniversary of a death we start thinking "Last year at this time..." and it's a different kind of looking at the bigger picture. It becomes looking back at the past instead of being still immersed in the grieving present.
I wish you all the best. We're alone in our grief, but we're also not alone. Everywhere people are grieving for someone. This forum certainly shows us that many others have daily grief to wallow through and it allows us to share our grief.
Take care and cry when you need to and also don't feel guilty if you find yourself laughing about something.
All the best,
Well put, everyone. I am helping my Mom in the last stage of her life on this earth and sometimes it is a lonely task. These last five years of her Alzheimer's have robbed her of her personality, her ability to communicate, and just about everything else. I have grieved losing the Mom I knew, but there is much more grief to come. I will miss the part of her that her disease did not take, and I will miss her caregivers, fellow residents, and the time we all spend together.

A part of our life goes with the ones we love when they leave. Sad, but this is a part of life, too. Nothing is permanent, as Quadbliss llikes to remind us.
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