What Has Happened to This Place?

Status
Not open for further replies.
sir, your message really hit me hard about how words can hurt as much as being physically hit at times. I am very sorry about your wife ending her life. I know it is incredibly hard on you right now and in grief we say things we never have the guts to say in any other situation. I know i have done same thing as well. I do not care if others disagree..seems many agree but that is not might point. To say something as you said it well bottom line to me is there has to me truth to it period.
Hopefully, it will help to create a positive change in this support group. I am here because I have good friend with it and what to learn about it and know how to be there as he worsens. I refuse to chicken out and not continue to be there no matter how tough it is emotionally on me because it does not matter about me...it matters about him.
I do belong to number of other groups that tend to deal with chronic type of diseases like diabetes. One in particular was exceptionally more harsh and one of my first groups online. I was at first surprised that no one was taking off clearly the main person who was the meanest. I realized she was the administrator. lol! I tried to just ignore her and avoid her but some days...how she treated newbies i just could not keep myself quiet so i where all my messages had to approved by her. So i just stop even going there and found some others...which were great.
But, I have come to notice that in groups you can get the group mentality if clique gets in control of it...like sharks attacking when they smell blood. I am positive that is like what happen in that first group. I saw people try to change it and she just cut them down.
Here..there are many decent people that I can see. I noticed one persons said administrator has not been around for long time. That very well could be part of problems since you really do need one because there are always those people who get pleasure causing pain for others...sick as it sounds. Maybe a new one could step in? Take over...i am not sure how this one is set up.
As to that other group...after recently got a email from that group and i realized I have not got any for many months now. So I went to see what was going on. Message was...where has everyone gone? lol! I looked at history and no new messages for long long time...i realized that same 3/4 people all lived in same area of US. It than hit me what that group really might be...a place where some sick people get enjoyment causing pain for those whom are sick. But Karma kicked in and no one was participating anymore...now they were stuck with only themselves! lol!
But sir...i do believe this group does have hope really sincerely but than like I have said i am new and have not been on it all that much. I have no read anything even near as harsh as that other group. I saw that some people mention wit, jokes, off color comments etc...one thing I have learned about expressing oneself through the word is often it is hard to understand the tone or intent behind it. Many times I have either misunderstood a friends chat or email or been misunderstood because i could not tell the tone/intent of the words.
I can easily see how what one person might see as wit another might see as out of line. Does not mean either is wrong or right just misunderstanding. Of course, i get there are cruel people on groups..and i am positive by this man's message that it is very real on this group.
But i still think there is great hope by things i have read over the last month since i joined. But i do think it is very important that some kind of leader be put in charge...just so those cruel ones can be dealt with instead of causing pain for those cannot defend themselves for various reasons. Plus...i hate for one person to be push to edge of suicide by cruel remarks made on a support group of all places!
I hope this was not the case with your wife if you feel it was...oh i am so sorry. I can only imagine the anger I personally would feel..frustration etc not being able to stop the cruelty. I think that is why so many of you maybe feeling is just that.
I think your message said in pain of grief really hit home with many people. I know it did for me. Hopefully it will now change for the better. Hopefully someone will step forward and take over the leader role...this looks like site where that is possible. that way at least if someone is way out of line...some one can flag them and leader can give them option to be considerate or banned.
I am so very sorry for you loss too...i get it that this site there are many..too many. Sure that makes it hard on the group in general as well. You know...i feel like sending a lot of people over here from those with chronic diseases...yes they can hurt, be huge pain in the ass but at the end of day you still have hope that possibly tomorrow i will go into remission for month or longer. Or tomorrow a new pill will be found to make our lives easier...we have hope. This site...that is taken away and it has to be so hard for all sides..person with it, those that love them and even the doctors who treat them. It makes it much harder emotionally...so please to not give up just yet.
 
Hmm..for those of you whom you have said your post were deleted and were signed it..same thing just happen to me as well. So think there is bug needs fixing for techies. Larry, I am so sorry for you lost but in way your words said in grief really struck a cord with many it seems. I really hope to high heaven that your wife did not end her life because of unkind post. I cannot even begin to imagine the frustration and anger I personally would feel if that was the case. So I pray that was not why! One thing that has not been said that I have not seen and apologize if i missed it. Is that often in posting, texting,emails or chatting the intent or tone behind the words cannot be understood...and often misunderstood. I myself have done this and had others do it because of my words...and I am speaking of good friends who should know me well or I am them. But it does happen and often..especially if it is emotional.
I saw how the leader has not been online checking as you need to do. It would seem very possible on this kind of forum that another person or persons could be put in that position at least until other comes back or maybe they just do not want too and walked away. I personally always have felt it is better to have a few...and not friends be administrators of support groups. Two or more, that are not friends and possibly even have different kind of style about them is great balancing in reaching truth behind a post. If you have friends they tend to agree and than see only their one perception of the post.
Worse is when you have one and they turn into 'Hitler' group leader....and I seen it lol! That group now just put out message and said where have all the people gone? duh got tired of being abused by the leader and if you stand up to her she just has to approve all your posts from then on lol! so group karma caught up with them in way.
This group is not nearly as harsh, judgmental or down right cruel as that group is. This is hard subject...i am going to refer some of people in my chronic support groups I belong to since i have chronic diseases. I am still allowed to have hope. Hope that my body might as mysteriously go into remission and disease became active again. Or a new drug will be found to relive the pain etc from the disease. I have hope! Hope was taken away when you or your loved one was given this diagnoses..plus despite the fact i might be in tears due to my pain...again I have hope tomorrow the pain will be gone. So this is very emotional group to be apart of and participate in...Misunderstandings are going to happen here ..happen in any group.
So Larry maybe out of your really honest and raw in grief statements something positive can come out it. Get a couple of stand in group leaders. I do not know how long the other has been absent but if it has been more than few months than i think it is okay to have few put in position now. If those people burn out they need to be upfront about it and ask for help before they disappear or worse become the leader from hell. So lets see if this one works this time lol!
Again sir, I am so sorry about the lost of your wife and i hope with all my heart she did not end her life because of what someone said on a site like this. I hope something very good comes out of her life ending...make her proud everyone!
 
i agree that this thread should be discontinued.....trolls come in all shapes and sizes....and its sad when some get sucked in by it.......johnny
 
siskiya, I done a lotta reading on this forum. I been trying to find out stuff for my friend. In thhe meantime I found out the moderaters have passed away from ALS an the owner can't find replacements cuz he needs to meet up with um first. Tons of good info here. My friend is thankful I can look through these pages for her and I am too. Seems like theys lotsa new people here joining. Hope to be friends.
 
i agree that this thread should be discontinued.....trolls come in all shapes and sizes....and its sad when some get sucked in by it.......johnny

So true Johnny...so true.
 
Folks, here's proof of what I said and Mr. Liverpool and his ilk are the shining examples. Little Johnny, stay out of my posts and my life -- period. You disgust me and your childishness is a large part of what I mentioned. My wife is gone and your inane posts were and apparently still are a big part of the decline of this forum.

Sikiya,

No, there were no direct posts made to her that would have pushed her over the edge. The contribution this forum made to her decision was just based on the absence of that venue to learn and feel hope. It was only a small part of what increased her despair but it was a part. Thank you all for your kind words and please help me work to get this piece of filth known as Johnny banned.

Larry
 
I agree Larry!
 
Last edited:
thanks for the private message....for such a self serving nice man, your not so nice.......was i refering to you....well you seemed to think so...says it all does it not......you infer my friends are somehow responsible for your wife....now you called me sick...how sick is that....did i believe your first thread,,no....do i believe you now...no......calm down.....johnny..
 
Wow. This has gone on long enough. Larry you find no comfort here on this forum--then don't come back. each time you have come and gone, and then when you return it is to stir the pot, make accusations call names and cause trouble. If I was unhappy here, I would not return so why do you? Instead of working to solve problems you try to keep them alive. now you want to this forum guilty of contributing to your wife's suicide? Really? People in glass houses should not throw stones...

You and your posts are not a positive influence to this forum or anyone on it. You could not accept apologies and you continue your poor behavior. You had a large part in tearing this forum up. Good people are trying hard to repair it and save it for Pals and cals just starting this terrible journey and those still suffering and this post being continued in such a negative manner is hurting everyone. Perhaps the death of you wife has made you so bitter--you would be better served by finding a widow's group online or some private grief counseling.
 
Larry,i am so desperatley sorry for your loss and can not begin to understand the pain you are in .
Please for your own sake close this thread put the ones that are antagonising you on your ignore list.
Some people are not worth the hassle,i found this out for myself...........now i bite my tongue and count to ten ,when i am safely at least 6ft away from the computer do i turn the air blue!.
 
Close the thread please. If Heartbroken is truly grieving he shouldn't have the energy to name call and fight with other members. He should be with friends and family that can support him during this tragic time. He needs a good support. If any of us upset him he just needs to hit the ignore button and don't respond. Please people stop responding to this thread. Let's support each other, laugh together, and pray for a cure for this horrible disease. That is truly what this forum is about.
 
Last edited:
Barbie, a wonderful post.

Skipper, I believe you're talking to a wall.

Heartbroken, I am sorry for your loss.
 
Well said, Barbie.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top