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slimcooper2002

New member
Joined
Jan 10, 2016
Messages
1
Reason
Loved one DX
Diagnosis
04/2012
Country
US
State
Ca.
City
Benicia
Hello Everyone, Im not sure if this is the correct forum, I hope so. My little sister was diagnosed with ALS almost 3 years ago. It has progressed to the point that she has to use a wheelchair and she keeps falling to her left because her diaphram is so weak. She can barely stand and needs something to hold onto if she does. She has a bag for her waste. On top of all the things shes dealing with, her husband has given up on her completely, he wont help her do anything and only feeds her 1 meal a day. He converted a room in their house for her to stay in so basically he has one side of the house and she lives on the other. He doesn't clean her side at all and doesnt check on her unless she calls him. She is badly bruised all over her body from falling down, and when she does fall it sometimes takes hours for her to get back in bed by herself. She has a therapist that comes in a couple times a week, but she doesnt bath her or take care of her needs. She said this week a social worker was supposed to come with the therapist kind off undercover to see how she is being treated as they suspect abuse. My family takes care of her most of the time but sometimes nobody sees her for a few days at a time. She wont call for help because she doesn't want to be a burden. She needs to be in a place that will take care of her but shes stubborn and shes worried that as soon as shes out of the house her husband will throw all her stuff in the trash and get rid of her dog. She wont leave her dog with the husband. I want to do something for her but not sure where to turn, we've talked about breaking his legs or something but that wont help, just make us feel better. We just want the rest of her time to be as comfortable as possibleI live about 80 mi. from her and see her once a week, and Ive told her to call anytime if she needs anything. Any advice would be greatly appreciated
Thank you
 
Seems to me she needs the sheriff to protect her while she moves out of there and into your place. (Breaking his legs won't solve anything at all. If you're in jail, you can't hardly help her.)
 
Mike is right. You will never get her husband to take care of her, that's clear. She needs to be moved in with her family. Immediately. The only other option is to have someone move in with her, but it sounds like her husband is toxic and would be a problem.

Bring everything she wants with her when she moves. Let's face it, she's not moving back in there. Also bring the dog. If you want the rest of her life to be as comfortable as possible and you want her to be ok with leaving, it sounds like those are the things that will have to happen.

This is a devastating disease. Your sister is fortunate to have family who care for her--now you must get her away from the husband who is mistreating her.
 
Slim,

Totally agree. You cannot provide the help she needs from afar and she knows that; that's why she won't ask. She is also probably in a fragile mental state, not helped by malnutrition/dehydration/lack of sleep.

Sounds like there is family to help in whichever one of you has the best environment for her, or if not, set her up in a little place, with space/access for a lift and wheelchair and set up shifts to care for her, or even assisted living where you guys come over.

And, once she is away from him, would encourage her to file for divorce so she has no future tax liability or anything like that, and in a divorce settlement, she has a right to half of the community property under California law. There are organizations that specialize in this kind of case and work on a sliding scale.

I don't know that you need the sheriff as long as you do not take anything her husband could prove is his alone (purchased before the marriage). If you show up in numbers, I doubt her husband will protest too much about her departure. But if he does, hold up a phone and tell him you are calling 911 to report that you are in fear for your life. Her bruises tell the tale.

I'm sorry this is your situation, but the subject of this story is your sister, and she needs your definitive intervention. Now, lest her next fall do permanent damage.

Best,
Laurie
 
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