Hi all,
I think this is my second or third post. My mom got a definitive diagnosis today and will visit Dr. Jackson in San Antonio before the week is out. We suspected ALS, so did her primary neurologist, but it looks to be a 'for sure' thing now. I guess Dr. Jackson will refine her diagnosis (bulbar, pls, als, etc.)
I thought I was prepared for my mom's phone call. I thought I was prepared mentally for taking each stage as it comes, but I find my brain swirling with too much information and emotion to take in. I'm a control freak, but also wear out the Serenity Prayer. One way to feel in control is to research my questions. This time I wish I didn't know what was to come. My mom said "at least it doesn't take my brain". Is that a good thing?
How weird to suddenly be thrust into a different relationship with everyone in my family. I feel like I'm walking on thin ice. Can I say to my sister, "I can't deal with how you feel about this right now, I'm having my own crisis about it." ? Can I have still have bad days where my mom makes me mad? How do I react when my kids pull away from grandma because her decline makes them uncomfortable?
I don't really want answers to these questions. I know I'll cross each bridge as I come to it. I'm just very suseptible to feeling guilty and I wish I could figure out what I'll do/say before each situation presents itself so everyone feels good about it. Yada, yada, yada.
Thanks for letting me vent.
Carla
I think this is my second or third post. My mom got a definitive diagnosis today and will visit Dr. Jackson in San Antonio before the week is out. We suspected ALS, so did her primary neurologist, but it looks to be a 'for sure' thing now. I guess Dr. Jackson will refine her diagnosis (bulbar, pls, als, etc.)
I thought I was prepared for my mom's phone call. I thought I was prepared mentally for taking each stage as it comes, but I find my brain swirling with too much information and emotion to take in. I'm a control freak, but also wear out the Serenity Prayer. One way to feel in control is to research my questions. This time I wish I didn't know what was to come. My mom said "at least it doesn't take my brain". Is that a good thing?
How weird to suddenly be thrust into a different relationship with everyone in my family. I feel like I'm walking on thin ice. Can I say to my sister, "I can't deal with how you feel about this right now, I'm having my own crisis about it." ? Can I have still have bad days where my mom makes me mad? How do I react when my kids pull away from grandma because her decline makes them uncomfortable?
I don't really want answers to these questions. I know I'll cross each bridge as I come to it. I'm just very suseptible to feeling guilty and I wish I could figure out what I'll do/say before each situation presents itself so everyone feels good about it. Yada, yada, yada.
Thanks for letting me vent.
Carla