VA compensation

[Atsugi]

TLO, I'm pretty sure that was just a misunderstanding. I don't think anyone was thinking of you taking advantage of your brother. Communicating only in text on the internet can often lead to misinterpretation.

From your post, I gather that he and his wife have some difficulty. He doesn't want her to get her hands on the VA check. I think Gooseberry was helpfully giving you the good news that VA can direct deposit the money and, legally, it is HIS money, not hers.

(Sometimes we hear about ex-spouses or even current spouses who mistreat the PALS.)

Thanks for all you're doing for your brother.

 

[gooseberry]

Please...no offense taken. I simply meant that any compensation a vet receives is theirs...not a wifes or husbands. If the vet has control of their mental faculties, they should decide how the money is used. We had a separate account for my husbands checks. Until he could no longer write checks or access it, he took care of the account.

Some think this is immediate family money....wife, kids, etc. It isnt. This is for the veteran who has made the ultimate sacrifice.

I was not commenting on your integrity or intentions. Rather to say for this money to go to a seperate account isnt unusual, especially if there is difficulty with the spouse.

 

[gooseberry]

P.s. Some spouses cant handle taking care of their loved one. It is so important to have a separate account in these circumstances

 

[Tlo57]

I'm so glad you responded Mike. I noticed the thread was closed which kinda made me feel bad, but felt that it was proper to close it.

I may have taken her message out of context and overreacted.

You know that I put a lot of effort into being respectful to everyone and also do my best to follow the guidelines for posting on this forum. I felt like she came at me, so I retaliated, but in a respectful manner. Once again, my whack a doodle butt screwed up?

My 1st reaction was "oh no she didn't" because she's never responded to any of my posts and this was our only dialogue to date. I figured that she may have assumed that because I'm so focused on his compensation, I have ulterior motives.

But now that you mention the wifey thing, I can see how I may have made a big boo boo. Ughhhh, now I owe her an apology for being an ass. If on the other hand I was right, I made my point, time to move on.

Speaking of the wifey, I'm waiting on my son to swing by for $ yet again to wire my bro. He's a smoker and hasn't had a cigarette in a few days. I know he should quit, but he's going thru serious nicotine w/drawal. I quit for the longest time w/ the aid of Wellbutrin, an anti depressant which is similar to Chantex. I picked up the nasty habit again, so can relate to the whole fidgety nervous thing when I don't have a cig. I only smoke a pack a week, but it's still addicting.

She won't splurge for a pack of cigs for him! He's gonna need gas too until he gets his 1st check on the 1st.

He just informed me that he hasn't paid his rent for Oct., so on the 1st, he's gonna pay Oct and Nov., as well as other bills. She has a brand new van and uses her chk to make car pmts. meanwhile he's driving a beat up old pick up.

It cost about a grand to visit him because I stayed in a hotel for the 1st few days during a football weekend due to her not wanting me to stay w/ them. However, the last night, he put his foot down and I stayed w/ him because he had to get me to airport for very early flight.

We spent the evening before I left watching the game. I cooked him a nice meal and we chilled.

She's a vegetarian, so refuses to prepare meals w/ meat. He said she makes him kale. He's lost 70 lbs since I last saw him and she's got him eating kale! I did some grocery shopping w/ him because his fridge was bare.

I didn't associate what Gooseberry said w/ my bros wife. I immediately assumed she was referring to me. My bad Mike, you know what they say about assumptions.

I guess I'm a little sensitive with being under the stress of his dx., dealing w/ my anger issues related to wifey and now dealing w/ my 32 year old son who just moved back in w/ me and is completely dependent on me for everything! He's on my cell phone plan & I provide his gas and cigs too.

I can't send a private message, so if she's read my post and was offended how can I offer an apology?

If I'm wrong or cross the line, I don't hesitate to apologize. I meant what I said about character building and the military. I'm sure that you, a 20 year man can relate to that school of thought.

Let me know how to proceed. Do I drop it or do I offer a sincere apology?

Thanks Mike

 

[Tlo57]

Great, I posted a reply to Mike before seeing your post. Why don't you just shoot me right now lol. I'm a freaking train wreck.

Thank you for your message and explaination. I totally agree with you when it comes to the wife AND kids thing. I can see him wanting to splurge and buy her, HER kids and HER grandkids something nice w/ the VA $, meanwhile, before the $ comes in, I'm running around like a nut doing for him what she should be doing.

I don't know how he would survive w/out the Va comp. I'm sure it wouldn't have been long before she ditched.

I'm almost selfishly hoping she would so that I could move him in and take responsibility for his care. Time will tell, but he's totally hooked on her & would devastated if he lost her. I need to bite my tongue!

Again, I'm very sorry for misinterpreting your reply. I know you meant well and your intentions were good. I'm guilty of being overly sensitive lately.

It's all good!

 

[gooseberry]

Overly sensitive.....we have all been there. We dont take offense because als sucks and your emotions, and your brothers, will be a rollercoaster.

There is a lot at stake for your brother. Please, visit the red sticky at the top of the thread that will be a guide to all benefits for vets with ALS. Mike did a great job putting it together and I used it to walk me thru the process. Many benefits are available for ALS patients that are not routinely available. He will get a power wheelchair, a new transport for the chair(van, pickup, whatever works), and modifications to his home. These things are free to vets. States offer additional benefits.

We all get emotional with this disease. No one here will purposefully try to aggravate you. Sometimes our replies are short because we feel compelled to reply but our situation dictates a quick response.

If you have questions, post them. Many current and former cals will help you.

 

[Tlo57]

You're a nice lady. The fact that you & others stick around the forum to help others says bunches about your character. It's a selfless thing to do and I'm not sure that I could do it. I have some questions for you. If it's not too painful, I'd appreciate your feedback.

1) how long did your husband have symptoms begore the Va was able to dx?

I didn't know this, but apparently my brother was being seen at Johnson City VA for 2 years before throwing their hands up and referring him to outside neurologist.

2) what type of onset?

3)what was his timeline of progression

4) SP?

My brother and I both tried to make sense of the ratings, however, due to multiple ratings identified by letters, we were stumped.

He's walking with a cane, but not steady on his
feet and he wasn't able to lift his arm high enough to hang handi cap doo dad on windshield mirror. I understand loss of limb criteria etc., but what constitutes loss, type of loss?

I appreciate your feedback

Tina

 

[gooseberry]

My husband was diagnosed thru our private insurance in May. 6 months later, when he finally had the c and p evaluation, he was accepted and transferred with in the va system to neurology. James Haley has an excellent ALS team. These clinicians know als.

My husband had symptoms about 2 to 3 years before he would go to the doctor. Once he got sent for a private neuro appointment, it took 3 weeks.

My husband was respiratory onset. He was still a bit mobile when he died. He was trying to walk and fell.

Steve was diagnosed in may 2014 and died March 2016. There were periods of stability and periods of quick progression.

The ratings are determined by your brothers ability to care for himself and his functioning. After any change, have pva submit for an upgrade in compensation. R2 with aid and attendance was the highest we received.

As your brother loses any ability, let va know via ebenfits email system. By this I mean if he cant walk the same distance as he could at his last appointment, let them know. If he cant drink and needs special cups, straws etc, let va know Many doctors are good about responding.

If you google va service connected disability ratings, it will explain each one.