smoochiegal
Active member
- Joined
- Jan 3, 2015
- Messages
- 87
- Reason
- Lost a loved one
- Diagnosis
- 08/2014
- Country
- CA
- State
- Ontario
- City
- Otonabee
Hello my lovely ones who just 'get it'.
It has been a rollercoaster. and I HATE rollercoasters. ALS rollercoasters especially.
So my sweet man had an awful reaction to the morphine with the pump. I really thought that I was going to lose him last week. A psychotic episode which required a nurse visit in the middle of the night and then days of just sitting and crying and begging me to end it for him.
After the morphine got out of his system, he came around a bit, but still has not been the same.
He is now on a fentanyl patch and that seems to be controlling his pain. I also have Ativan for anxiety and a sub q line and injections that I can give him if he gets really anxious or restless.
He is not sleeping well. Eating only a few bites of soup per day and on a good day a meal replacement shake. Still able to drink water and few beers a day.
I feel numb. I thought I was going to lose him. I thought that I was ready. But I am not. HE is not ready. But now we are on the upswing.. so that means I have him again.. but for how long?
How long does he have to suffer? How long can one live on just a few bites of food and a couple of beers? How do I deal with not knowing what the next day will bring.. I guess one minute at a time like I have been, but I am tired. Physically, emotionally, spiritiually.. just tired.
Tomorrow is the ALS Walk in our town. We have a huge team going. Raised lots of money. Have team shirts made and I just don't want to do it. I just don't want to have anything to do with ALS right now.
Thanks for letting me vent.
Thanks for the love.
Thanks for getting it.
Cheryl
It has been a rollercoaster. and I HATE rollercoasters. ALS rollercoasters especially.
So my sweet man had an awful reaction to the morphine with the pump. I really thought that I was going to lose him last week. A psychotic episode which required a nurse visit in the middle of the night and then days of just sitting and crying and begging me to end it for him.
After the morphine got out of his system, he came around a bit, but still has not been the same.
He is now on a fentanyl patch and that seems to be controlling his pain. I also have Ativan for anxiety and a sub q line and injections that I can give him if he gets really anxious or restless.
He is not sleeping well. Eating only a few bites of soup per day and on a good day a meal replacement shake. Still able to drink water and few beers a day.
I feel numb. I thought I was going to lose him. I thought that I was ready. But I am not. HE is not ready. But now we are on the upswing.. so that means I have him again.. but for how long?
How long does he have to suffer? How long can one live on just a few bites of food and a couple of beers? How do I deal with not knowing what the next day will bring.. I guess one minute at a time like I have been, but I am tired. Physically, emotionally, spiritiually.. just tired.
Tomorrow is the ALS Walk in our town. We have a huge team going. Raised lots of money. Have team shirts made and I just don't want to do it. I just don't want to have anything to do with ALS right now.
Thanks for letting me vent.
Thanks for the love.
Thanks for getting it.
Cheryl