Twitching Therapies

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KevinM

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Since I am slowly being driven insane from my constant twitching, I have been researching on some VERY reputable anonymous internet chat rooms and found three distinctly appealing treatments. I’d like my brothers and sisters here to weigh in on which one I should try first.

Option 1 - a poultice made from creamy peanut butter, lip balm, and crushed dung beetles;
Option 2 - a tincture comprised of Italian dressing and the pineal gland extract from male adolescent iguanas:
Option 3 - injecting myself with bleach.

Again, these all appear to be medically valid (though some naysayers might label them as “alternative” therapies) since I read about them on the internet. Therefore it must be true.

Speak up and let me know your favorite! It’s a lazy Saturday and I’m busy collecting the raw materials. The iguanas have proved a bit trickier than I thought, however.

Your favorite guinea pig, Kevin
 

Nikki J

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Number 1 is incorrect it only works with extra crunchy peanut butter and choosy PALS choose Jif.

number 3 might work though side effects would be intolerable. Dead men do not twitch
 

KevinM

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I did consider using crunchy PB, Nikki, but it would chafe my skin.

P.S. I am also trying to procure a high powered laser (preferably manufactured or funded by the Rothschild family) to zap my brain and spinal column. Unfortunately, they are in very short supply since most are being used to start enormous forest fires out west. K
 

Wilson2009

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Number 3 might work if you dissolve hydroxychloroquine in the bleach. If you need a source, you might want to call the Governor of Oklahoma who might have a few extra doses.
 

ShiftKicker

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Now, it's my understanding that you folk in Fla have it easy with regards to iguana harvesting. You just have to wait for a cold day and pick them off the ground as they fall from the trees. #2 remedy seems to be maybe a seasonal remedy and best for the winter months.
 

KimT

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Kevin, I told you to stay off Trump web sites :ROFLMAO:

Honestly, if I thought for a minute anything would rid my body of these fire ants and twitches, I'd try it. Today both eyes have been twitching along with the rest of my body.
 

KevinM

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This is all very helpful! I knew I could count on my family of experts for sage advice. I’m furiously taking notes.
 

Fusia

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I agree with @ShiftKicker - and I hear you're supposed to have some cool temps down there over the next few days.
 

Clearwater AL

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Don't forget gator tail... folks who live back in the few bayous/swamps
still left in Florida swear by it. :)

(Many many years ago Florida had near as many bayous/swamps as Louisiana.
It's amazing how fill, concrete and street pavement can change them.)

Gee. Speaking of swamps... a new one is developing in Southeast Florida.

(Sorry.... had to get that in.) :)
 
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KimT

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Al,
Thank you for making me laugh this morning.
I've never seen an iguana roaming about in my neck of the woods. I have seen quite a few gators on the golf courses I've played over the years in the sunshine state.

Speaking of sunshine, we're getting up to 75 and sunny today. Tomorrow, it plunges again. Typical February on the central east coast of Florida.
 
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