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Sammantha

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I am at home today and i can barely keep from crying, the crazy thing is it is for no reason..... Well my oldest son is very sociable. He was friends with this one boy who used to hit him and be very mean... My son stopped playing with him and this boy got two of his best friends not to talk to him... So now he is sad about that because he likes to go out and play and play baseball. Now i know this is something every child deals with, i know i did in some way. It just hurts me to the core, i dont understand it. I worry about my kids happiness to the point i fear i will break down and cry in front of others...... This is not normal, my head tells me it is not but my heart hurts so bad.... I love them so much and i want to make sure they have a happy childhood but i know in my head that they have to experience negative things too... I used to have no problem telling them no, but now i want them to be happy and carefree..... My husband does not feel the same as i, i am way more emotional and i think way into the future instead of the matter at hand. He would say "Suck it up!" Does anyonelse feel deep sadness when they think of loved ones not being treated right, even for little things?
 

PDaddy

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As far as myself goes, my ALS affects me emotionally. I would never cry at movies and before getting on emotional liability medicine I would ball like a, ahem, woman at movies or commercials. So, maybe "all of this" is getting to you, making you even more emotional? FYI - I am on Zoloft
 

hopingforcure

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Ditto for me Sam.. My emotions just like yours, and want everyone around me to have a perfect time, and am guilty of trying to protect them, and trying to make things perfect, comes from feeling like this illness is out of our control, and that we can at least make our family. That and liability emotional.
 

rose

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Yes, all I ever really truly wanted for my kids was for them to be happy. And you said it yourself, you know in your head that they have to learn to deal with these things, but our hearts always say no! And, as pDaddy said, you may be more emotional than before, but, I think its also just part of being a mom. Then when the illness enters into the picture and we start trying to look down the road... its hard. I have a friend that had a saying that is very true, that life is an adventure to be lived, not a story to be told. And it really is, our kids have to learn by living, just like we did, and have the unhappiness and hurt along with the good. If one is never sad or has bad times, then one cannot appreciate the happiness and the good times when they come either. You might find you have a hard time removing what is going on with your health, and the unknown, from the equation. But even if you were never sick a day in your life, your boys would still have to go through this as it is all part of growing up. I cry a lot lately, and I don't know if its a bi-product of whatever it is that is wrong with me, or just being female. My kids are grown, and now I cry that I may never have grandbabies to rock! I actually (can't believe I did this) was smelling the baby lotion in the baby aisle in the grocery store a few weeks ago, and it made me so sad that I called my daughter, and basically said in so many words, that if she was just wasting time with the guy she was seeing because it was easier than not to, that she needed to get on with her life ~ (they've seen each other off and on since starting to college) ~ and was I ever going to be a grandma! I was crying, right there in the A&P and it was just awful! ... I hope this day gets better for you, and tomorrow, at least as far as your son's problems go, that it will all be old history! (hugs)
 

lhagsjr

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Crying...

I cry everyday. I think about 2 years ago and I was about to get married. I bought my first house, I was 27. I was so happy.

Now today, Im trying to just make it through the day and wake up tomorrow. Its a horrible life, especially for someone 29 years old. I never got to raise a family, I never got to enjoy my marriage, I deserve to cry.

A lot of people are going to feel really guilty when I finally am in such bad condition that they have to diagnose me. 3 Neuros treated me like im a jackass. My wife ignores me and my mom just doesnt want to believe it. At this point, I just wont be able to get up out of bed one day. The signs are SCREAMING at everyone.
 

PDaddy

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Damn - It's true - ALS SUCKS!
 

Sammantha

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I want to thank you all for your responses, even though you were sharing hard times they made me feel understood and not crazy..... I had a hard childhood and was on my own at 16. I had a job and apartment and somehow finished high school. I moved down south to be with my mom and i had a not so good boyfriend. When i had my son i totally changed my life. I wanted him to have the kinda mom who goes to PTA meetings and is smart. I went to work in childcare so i could have my children with me. God blessed me with a wonderful husband and we later had another child. I worked eight hour days and took 3 to 5 classes every semester for three years! I made straight A's and tried to climb the pay ladder. I was a clean freak also. My husband and i purchased a home, something i never thought i would have.... A year later my condition got really bad. Now i consider it a successfull day if i can clean my house and have energy to get to the store. These doctors do not realize the psychological toll it takes on me and others. I wrestled with the feeling or worthlessness for a long time and finally i made peace with myself. The only way it could be worse is if i was a man or a single woman. If i did not have my husband i would be screwed. I feel God sent him to me for many reasons, although at first he was not supportive. Anyone that has a spouse or family member that is not supportive or mean WILL change their tune when they can see the physical differences in you.

When i wrote that post i thought, noone is going to respond... They will think i am just blubbering... Thank you all for proving me wrong! I feel much better tonight! ps. My son is at a sleep over with a friend he has not hung out with in a long time, now if i can just keep their lives perfect and happy i will be okay!
 
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