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Jeannie

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222
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Loved one DX
Diagnosis
01/2008
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Vernon
Well, I guess it was bound to happen, my MIL fell at home Tuesday hit the back of her head and her husband found her on the floor with a large pool of blood on the floor. H called 911 and off to the hospital they went. Thank god I don't live far from the hospital so I was able to get there as the ambulance was arriving so she wouldn't be alone in the er. I was shocked when the dr. wasn't positive what to do with a person with ALS. I got firm but nice and told her she needed suction ASAP (she was bubbling out of her mouth) and Oxygen. After a cat scan and neck x-ray we were lucky to walk out with just a few staples in the back of the scalp. Very scary experience.
She fell 2x on Sunday and my SIL told me don't worry about it, then the TUesday fall, then she fell again yesterday. I would think this would send up a big signal to get the ramps up etc... and not to leave her alone, but I am just the in-law (funny I feel like the out-law). THere is so much going on I feel like i am going to crack. I don't know what I can do. A coment from one of her children made me recently feel like I am not part of the family (although I have been with my husband for close to 20years) so now I am afraid to say anything at all. Trying to keep the peace but I really can't stand people anymore.
I am so sorry to vent and probably non of this makes sense, I just feel like so much more should be done for her, but I was reminded by my sil that she is not my mother.
AHHHHHH
I just needed to vent before I explode!
I Love you all, you are the most special people that I have never met
In Friendship
Jeannie
 

BethU

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PALS
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05/2008
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Jeannie, I wish I could hug you ... or help you scream to the heavens! Your poor mil. What is wrong with her kids ?!? This is beyond comprehension.

I'll be praying that your mil gets the care she desperately needs ... and you find the strength to get through this.
 

brooksea

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Jeannie,

How frustrating it must be for you having to stand by and let your in-laws just go about things as if nothing is wrong. She could have died for God's sake! I'm sorry but they sound rather neglectful.

I guess you can only do as they wish. The time will come when they can no longer ignore what is happening with their mother. Then I suppose they will welcome your help.

Vent anytime! We all have those "special" days!:wink:
 

kepi

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Lost a loved one
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oregon
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dallas
Jeannie,
Reading your thread just makes me so sad...I only WISH I had a SIL like you....My brother and SIL live just up the street from my parents (and she is a RN) but my brother would visit once a week (if lucky he would stop by 2 times)..My SIL waited 3 months before she would step foot in their house and that was only because my mom only had 1 week to live..before that she stopped by once a month. She passed away on 10-18-2008. My parents did a lot for my brother & SIL....After my mom had a trach 2 years ago and required 24/7 care not once did they ask us if we needed any help. They only cared about planning trips with her side of the family. My dad was able to provide the best care @ home for my mom, my sister and I help with him to care for her. She had a good life before and during ALS. We gave her the emotional support & love but it would have been nice for family members to help us out emotionally too. (how hard would it be to help out 2 times a month) We did fine w/o them but it would have helped out a lot for emotional support. My point to you is I would be honored to have a SIL like you, I have lost respect for mine....some people just don't care, but when they needed a babysitter we always said yes..It is hard when you feel like your own family doesn't care. I have so much anger because of them(it really hurt my mom that they never stopped by) but when they did stop by she showed nothing but love because they were family....(she was a good mom) at my mom's funeral on Wednesday it was hard to be around them..they made me sick to my stomach....Your MIL is lucky to have you and her children seem selfish..We wanted nothing but the best for my mom and my dad gave that to her. Your MIL deserves the same because ALS is such a horrible disease and she deserves the best possible care from all family members and that includes daughter-in-laws...It's ok to vent, it took me 2 years to write my feelings, after reading your thread I decided to vent also.....
Debra
 
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brooksea

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It amazes me how family turns a blind eye to ALS. It also causes me much anguish, not just for myself and my husband, but for all of the cALS that have to stand silently by and watch their loved ones suffer without the support of their family. I can only hope there will be a special place for those that feel "inconvenienced" in their next lives.

Thank you for sharing, it makes me feel not so alone in this fight.
 

Jeannie

Distinguished member
Joined
Dec 19, 2007
Messages
222
Reason
Loved one DX
Diagnosis
01/2008
Country
US
State
NJ
City
Vernon
Dear Cindy and Kepi,
Thank you so much for caring. Kepi, I am so sorry about your mom. My heart breaks for you.
We had another experience yesterday when my MIL called me. I told her to make one noise if she needed me to come over, 2 if she didn't. Well one noise it was so I got my mom to watch my girls and went right over. Her husband was being mean to her because he didn't understand what she wanted. He has about as much patience as an ant. I told her I would take her for her blood test and to my house and he said he didn't care what I did with her that he had enough of her. She told me how mean he was and I swear I wanted to kill him.
I realize now, that I can be here for her and love her and while she is with me, I will do the best I can for her. I am willing to have her move in here but we do have to get her home care situated. I thought I would be alble to do it but I know in my heart that I can't. There is communication issues in the family and I hope that my husbandand his siblings can get this going before something terrrible happens to her.
Kepi, I can't tell you enough how your words touched me. I feel with my family that they don't think I am part of the family but I realized last night that my mother in law is all that matters to me.
I will keep you all in my thoughts and thank you for caring about me and my mother in law
In friendship
Jeannie
 

brooksea

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Jeannie - you hit the nail on the head! Your MIL is all that counts in this matter. What a loving DIL you are to open you heart and your home to her. For her to reach out to you shows that she thinks of you as her own daughter.

I hope you will be able to arrange care for her and keep her in a loving environment.

You go girl!

Debra - thank you for sharing your journey. Just know you did everything lovingly possible for your Mom. I'm sorry your family fell short. Perhaps there is a kernel of guilt in the back of their minds that no amount of assuaging will rid.
 

Jeannie

Distinguished member
Joined
Dec 19, 2007
Messages
222
Reason
Loved one DX
Diagnosis
01/2008
Country
US
State
NJ
City
Vernon
CJ~
Thank you. I hope that we can work all of this out before it is too late for her. She is so amazing and I am blessed that although she cant talk she still reaches to me. I wish these "idiots" would see and get their heads out of their butts.
Love to all
Jeannie
 
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