Ceelea
Active member
- Joined
- Mar 17, 2017
- Messages
- 39
- Reason
- Lost a loved one
- Diagnosis
- 03/2017
- Country
- US
- State
- VA
- City
- Orange
It's been 5 and a half weeks since Mom passed and it has been such a whirlwind, but I've been thinking about the folks here with such gratitude.
(I've typed five summaries of these last weeks and keep deleting them. Suffice it to say that they've been busy and good and sad and maybe I'm starting to 'unclench' from those horrible last 3 and a half weeks in these last couple of days. I would re-do the whole 10 months if I could skip those last weeks, but I think of all the people who aren't going to face that same horrible (Snowflake! :roll and see no reason to share details.)
If a new CALS asked me for advice, though, I would tell them to talk to their PALS.
Mom and I talked up until those last 3 weeks (in almost daily short conversations from the beginning to almost the end) about everything. About what she wanted, about what she expected, about her legacy, about what I'd do during, and for her funeral and how I would live (I deleted "cope") afterward and when I would go back to work and what I would do in the meantime and .... about everything.. We talked about what she thought of the world and her life and my life and we made plans for me... I don't exaggerate when I say everything. It wasn't always easy to do, but we did that.
So when I am scared, when I wonder if I'm doing the 'right' things and on the right track, when I'm overwhelmed or lonely or feeling guilty or just f*ing miss her. At those times, I can pull out a conversation from my memory and it is such a comfort.
<3 y'all
cee
(I've typed five summaries of these last weeks and keep deleting them. Suffice it to say that they've been busy and good and sad and maybe I'm starting to 'unclench' from those horrible last 3 and a half weeks in these last couple of days. I would re-do the whole 10 months if I could skip those last weeks, but I think of all the people who aren't going to face that same horrible (Snowflake! :roll and see no reason to share details.)
If a new CALS asked me for advice, though, I would tell them to talk to their PALS.
Mom and I talked up until those last 3 weeks (in almost daily short conversations from the beginning to almost the end) about everything. About what she wanted, about what she expected, about her legacy, about what I'd do during, and for her funeral and how I would live (I deleted "cope") afterward and when I would go back to work and what I would do in the meantime and .... about everything.. We talked about what she thought of the world and her life and my life and we made plans for me... I don't exaggerate when I say everything. It wasn't always easy to do, but we did that.
So when I am scared, when I wonder if I'm doing the 'right' things and on the right track, when I'm overwhelmed or lonely or feeling guilty or just f*ing miss her. At those times, I can pull out a conversation from my memory and it is such a comfort.
<3 y'all
cee