Touching Base

[Ceelea]

It's been 5 and a half weeks since Mom passed and it has been such a whirlwind, but I've been thinking about the folks here with such gratitude.

(I've typed five summaries of these last weeks and keep deleting them. Suffice it to say that they've been busy and good and sad and maybe I'm starting to 'unclench' from those horrible last 3 and a half weeks in these last couple of days. I would re-do the whole 10 months if I could skip those last weeks, but I think of all the people who aren't going to face that same horrible (Snowflake! :roll and see no reason to share details.)

If a new CALS asked me for advice, though, I would tell them to talk to their PALS.

Mom and I talked up until those last 3 weeks (in almost daily short conversations from the beginning to almost the end) about everything. About what she wanted, about what she expected, about her legacy, about what I'd do during, and for her funeral and how I would live (I deleted "cope") afterward and when I would go back to work and what I would do in the meantime and .... about everything.. We talked about what she thought of the world and her life and my life and we made plans for me... I don't exaggerate when I say everything. It wasn't always easy to do, but we did that.

So when I am scared, when I wonder if I'm doing the 'right' things and on the right track, when I'm overwhelmed or lonely or feeling guilty or just f*ing miss her. At those times, I can pull out a conversation from my memory and it is such a comfort.

<3 y'all

cee

 

[ctollar]

How wonderful that you have had that opportunity with you mother. I was also able to have a few conversations with my dad regarding what he wanted for me. He would never talk of "gloom and doom' though. He was always looking out for me. Asking me if I was okay and how I was doing over all. It still amazes me that our PALS handle this with such grace and dignity. It is humbling!!!

 

[Chincoteaguer]

I just started a talking time with my wife hopefully without being too obvious. It's right after her late breakfast and mid-morning tube flush. Rested, fed, and hidrated she is extra alert. Although she struggles with her speech she is determined and seldom gets frustrated. I think she attributes the difficulty I have understanding her to me and not her speech difficulties. Wish I had done this weeks ago. It's a connection I thought we had lost.