thanks. i've never gotten to talk about her or express what kind of a woman she was... even amongst others... i feel like she's so anonymous.
my mom (Diane) was a Kindergarten teacher and she was very dedicated and passionate about her lessons and her students. but nothing came before her own kids. i'm 24, my sister is 21, and my brother is 18. she was a runner, a skier, and a scuba diver. she lived by the beach and was always spending time by the sea. she loved nothing more than to watch our tennis matches, soccer games, & track meets... she was a ccd teacher and a devout Catholic until the end. her faith is what kept her going. she was strong physically and mentally.
she was diagnosed in the fall of '04 but felt symptoms up to a year before that. she lived as normally as she could for as long as she could. eventually the disease forced her to stop driving, stop running... it took her love of skiing and her boat away from her. she had to retire from her career. her speech was taken away and replaced by a dynavox. she lost all movement in her arms and her legs. she did not chose to have a feeding tube. my dad sat and fed her for hours each day. friends and neighbors and relatives came over every single day to spend time with her and feed her her meals. thinking of her asking for "help?" to put her sandwich into her mouth just breaks my heart to this moment. thinking of how such a strong loving woman became so helpless.... my heart is so broken.
she fought hard for her family for five long years. her strong heart and the love between her, my father, and the rest of my family kept her with us for so long. we didn't think she would make it to thanksgiving this year... but instead she held on until christmas. her hospice nurse said she had no idea how it was possible she made it that far. she did it for us. i had been away for work but came back december 22nd. she opened her eyes wide enough to see me come in the door, and that was the last time she had them open. she did not have the strength after that. she lingered until the 28th, but i'm sure she could hear us. and there were so many people over at all times. she waited for a private time to pass.
my family was sitting silently last night watching the eagles game just like any other evening. me, my sister, neighbor, & my dad. peaceful and quiet. out the back door through the trees was this blazing vivid sunset... indescribably beautiful. my dog quietly laid down at her feet (something he never does) and my dad felt for a pulse and there was none. i sat with my mom holding her hand, kissed her one last time, and that was our last beautiful moment. it's so hard to talk about. it isn't fair. she was so thin, like a skeleton... the disease reduced her to nothing. i felt like i could have sat there holding her little limp cold hand forever. there have been so many family members over during the last week. mom was a good judge of character and had nothing but the world's greatest friends who never left her or our family's side. they literally picked up our cross and carried it for us along the way at times. her funeral mass is on friday. hopefully i'll be able to calm down in between... having a hard time keeping it together for my little brother & sister & my dad.