Therapy appointment Left Me Guilty

[Staying strong]

Greetings All: I've found a new therapist and really made a nice connection with Her and have been going weekly for a few months now.. 2 days ago at my session we talked about Liz ( my late wife and Pals ) and My now Fiancé. It felt rather constructive and good at the time..But not long after leaving I haven't been able to shake this horrible feeling of Guilt about Moving on with My Life.. and catch myself comparing the 2 of them all the time.. I'm not sure if the anxiety of my Daughter leaving for college next week leaving me alone in the house has anything to do with it..But to say I'm in a Funk would be understatement.. ugh

 

[lgelb]

It is only natural that discussing both of them in one session could bring some residual guilt to the surface, and as you say, your daughter leaving for college is another sea change. Without overwhelming your fiancée, you might want to talk with her about some of these feelings so she can help you deal on more of an ongoing basis. You can be "engaged" for as long as needed to make sure the timing is right in all respects.

 

[Atsugi]

Guilt. Most useless emotion on the planet. It doesn't help you correct your behavior, and it doesn't help you avoid future bad decisions. It just eats you up.

And most of the time--all (?) of the time--there is nothing (or very little) that I'm actually guilty of doing!

To be guilty of something, you have to have deliberately chosen to hurt someone, when there were other options known to you at the time. Plus, it had to have actually harmed them in some way. In this case, I don't think that happened.

Personally, I think CALS are heroes. We did the best we could, and helped our PALS through the toughest journey.

Now you get to focus on yourself. Make --you-- happy. That's something we forget, after spending so much time being selfless.

Comparing the two of them? Sure. That's natural. Just don't admit it. Never, ever admit it. My wife would mention my previous wife--and previous girlfriends--and I would always reply I don't know what you're talking about I was a virgin before you and you're the greatest! Of course she knew it was a humorous lie, but the humor worked. Women don't need to hear about other women, even if they say they do. They just want to be reassured that you're there for them and always will be.

Depressed because daughter's going to school? Also natural. But, however, comma, conversely...There's more to say about that. Raising a kid these days and successfully getting them through high school and producing an acceptably morally straight, mentally awake and college-bound kid is, these days, a freaking miracle. You have pulled off a miracle, my friend, and you ought to be proud. That she is OK after mom passing is all due to you. A lot of families can't do it. You did.

I hope you've been able to get some vacation time in. You deserve it.

 

[gooseberry]

A main purpose to therapy is to help you work through a tough time. Of course there will be deep feelings bubbling up....learning healthy and productive ways to deal with them is a goal of therapy.

To me, everything you have said, is simply your mind trying to process and deal with the trauma you have been through and the fact you are finding happiness. Never apologize for being happy. As a cals, you put yourself at the back of the line, risked your own health and safety, to care for another.. That shows a profound depth of love but also that you need some self care. Therapy can help you remember that you matter. How you feel and think is important.

It isnt about comparing the women of your life....it is celebrating the joy and happiness you have or had with each of them.