The Ultimate Tough Decision...

[lhagsjr]

Most of you know my story. So Ill just get to the point. My wife and I are both 29 years old. We have been together for almost 8 years and married for 2. We are pretty well established as we own a house, have limited debt, etc. We are ready to have a child.

Im undiagnosed and have been having symptoms for 1.5 years. The worst symptom being atrophy.3 Neuros(1 Local, 1 at an ALS center, 1 at another University based hospital who is the director of the NeuroMuscular Division all say NO ALS). They all did there own EMG's as well. EMGs in March 2007, June 2007, and November 2007. However, the symptoms are real.

I vent here. I dont talk about my condition anymore to anyone as they all believe the docs. Its actually been nice to live a normal life and pretend like my symptoms arent really happening. I justify not talking about it to anyone because these docs say i have nothing to worry about. They have not only said it to me directly but to my mother and wife in the past.

So the question is, can I proceed with having a child? I would feel horriby guilty if one day I was diagnosed and I knew about this but also feel bad if I dont keep living my life...

 

[Loriliz]

Lord yes!

In my mind, the opposite side of the coin is far far worse. Imagine NOT having children.

Obviously it's something youo need to discuss with your wife, but, as far as I am concerned, if I wanted to have children, I would, even if I had a frim diagnosis. Why deprive yourself of life's most basic joy, ESPECIALLY on a "could be".

I hope I haven't offended anyone, but I feel very strongly about this particular subject and I know that many people who have been diagnosed at a young age still decide to have children.

Lori

 

[brooksea]

Hey Lou!

Look at this thread. It is about a "potential" fPALS wanting to know if she should have kids.

https://www.alsforums.com/forum/showthread.php?t=3124&highlight=children+familial

I don't think I was ever able to get across my point. So maybe read that thread and come back and ask more ?s, as I hate to be skewered just as much as you do.

We don't have crystal balls, (although I used to collect them :wink: ).

 

[Al]

Lou. Is there any cancer, heart disease or anything else medically serious in your family? Did that stop anyone from having kids because they might pass it on? I won't advise you because it's your decision but give my questions some thought.
AL.

 

[lhagsjr]

Al & Everyone...

Thanks for your comments. I appreciate them. Its not that i fear passing the disease(If I have it) on to a child, its the fear of having my wife raise a child and take care of me at the same time...

 

[Al]

That does make a difference. Best to talk to your wife about that one. She may surprise you with her answer.
AL.

 

[Lorie]

Life

Lou, Life is the Ultimate Gift. None of us are givin any promises. We all are not promised a tomorrow . I was told I could not have children, Imagine how that feels? I have a healthy 14 year old daughter. The doc's were wrong. She is my Miracle!

Lorie

 

[crystalkk]

Lou,

If you really want to have a baby talk to your wife and let her know your fears.
She needs to be the one to decide if she can handle it.

 

[bmb3641]

I'm going through the same thing in away. I'm also 29 and haven't been diagnosed yet but have had 2+ years of symptoms mostly in my right arm which has gotten worse. i have a 2 year old daughter and thinking about another. my doc said not to worry about passing it on the real question is up to my wife on taking the responsibility on maybe raising both me and the kids, my wife decided she still wants another one so if i don't make it my life will live on in my kids in a way

 

[brooksea]

Amen to that my Brother!

Children give you hope!

I don't know what my husband would do, if we did not have our son at this time in his life. He has been more inspired and motivated to LIVE with ALS, simply because he's not done with the lessons of life and love that he would like to impart upon our young son.

Good luck to you and your wife in making this important decision!

 

[Sammantha]

Do you WANT to have a child?

I would love to try for a little girl, but i KNOW that i do not have the energy to raise a baby. Usually the woman is the main caretaker when it comes to having a child, the man does a lot but the woman is usually the one that uses most of the energy. My husband is the breadwinner and even when i worked full time i was ultimately responsible for the care and management of the children.... If this is your circumstance i see no reason for you not to have a child. You obviously won't be carrying the pregnancy, so that will not take its toll. Talk to your wife beforehand about what if's, like what if i do not have the energy to do my fare share in spending time with the baby? Will you hold it against me? Are you prepared to take on more than your fare share in raising the child? Personally i find since i became ill, i am less involved than i used to be and way more into giving. My husband does not like that i cherish their happiness for the moment over what is best in the long run. When it comes to worrying about your child taking care of you, don't! I feel that it is a beautiful thing, to be able to take care of the person that spent their whole live taking care of you is a wonderful life lesson. It will make them very strong. Now, if they had to take care of you because you were a drug addict or something is a whole different story. My children are the reason i smile, they are the reason i go out into the world even though somedays i just want to melt away. Children are the greatest blessings on Earth and i hope you and your wife are blessed with one, perhaps more! Do not let your illness rob you of life's gifts because it is already taking way more than it should.... Good luck, Sammantha

 

[CindyM]

Lou- nobody has a crystal ball that can promise the future. You could be given a clean bill of health tomorrow, step off the curb the next day, and get a fully debilitating head injury from a truck that hits out of nowhere. Trying to make decisions upon what might happen never works, IMO, because we just don't know what the future holds. :-D

 

[vmd]

I say have the child, a blessing from God.

 

[Icanmanz]

Hi Lou! May God help you in making the right decision. Let us know when that happens. You are in my prayers, friend. God bless, and Good Luck!

Irma