Vince, I just wanted to thank you for this very emotional and heartfelt thread. I had two days of driving for work and thought a lot about your post. Sorry for the long post but had to share and make up for lost time.
I can only speak for myself, but I feel compelled to post my thoughts. I have been reading posts the past few weeks but have been unable to bring myself to post. I am holding on the best I can and doing my very best to make sure Steve is well taken care of. Its both mentally and physically exhausting. We both have daily losses and together we share them. This monster changes us all.
I love Steve with all my heart and that will never change. Our sexual intimacy has changed. The pain of losing so much of what we had takes it's toll. I miss Steve and he's right here where he's always been. I miss his strength, laying my head on his lap while he stroked my hair, the surprise lunches he would make me and the incredible support he gave me.
I hate watching the losses and struggles he has, each and every day. I have slowly built a wall around my emotions and there is so very little left of me... right now. The losses have been so very hard for both of us. I just can't be sexually aroused when I worry about his breathing, exhaustion and doing my best to insure his health.
I guess, what I am trying to say is that I understand how CALS have a hard time with intimacy. I also understand, how the PALS must feel... to lose the love you held so tight in your hand. The love you two share... is so very amazing. Your previous posts are a testament to the love you share. You told us all, a wonderful love story. It's so very sad how this monster takes so much from us all. I so wish it could be different and I am sure your wife feels he same.
The letters are something she will always cherish and I am sure it means so much to her. I found something Steve wrote that was meant to be found later down the road. I will have his words forever. I will know how much he loves me and that's something ALS cannot take from us. Know you are loved and don't ever doubt that. The monster has built walls around us. Inside those walls is love that the monster cannot touch. The posts from everyone on this thread, have made that very clear.
There is a song, that I have loved all my life and never really understood...until now. Its called " After the Thrill is Gone''. Its a Eagles song that never, real well known. I have played it several times, since seeing the title of your thread, Vince.