peacecomesfromwithin
Active member
- Joined
- Jan 31, 2016
- Messages
- 35
- Reason
- Lost a loved one
- Diagnosis
- 01/2016
- Country
- US
- State
- DC
- City
- Washington
Tillie and all - today was not a good day. I woke up this morning after a much needed night out dancing with friends and boyfriend and went to go give mom her formula. In my half-dazed state, i could see that she wasn't feeling well. She said that she's still in pain, more than expected, and didn't sleep well last night. She said that she's regretting getting the PEG because it adds another complication to life and makes her entirely dependent on me for food. Plus, there are other little things like making sure that I'm there to help her cover the dressing so that she can shower, when before she was able to shower on her own (although now wants me to be home when she does it, as she's worried she might not be able to get up).
I was on my way out to go to my first NFL football game and felt so guilty about leaving her in bad spirits. I feel like I'm doing a crappy job taking care of her, a crappy job at my job, and a mixed job taking care of myself and my relationships. I started worrying so much that I gave myself a full blown panic attack in the car that lasted almost an hour, complete with hyperventilating, sobbing, tunnel vision, face flushing, and full body tingles. Thank goodness for meds and those people that you can call who understand what's going on and are patient and listen to you.
During my sobbing conversation with one such person I came to the realization that I need help. I can't do all of this alone. Something has got to give! And I'm not sure what. What a damn roller coaster this disease is.
I was on my way out to go to my first NFL football game and felt so guilty about leaving her in bad spirits. I feel like I'm doing a crappy job taking care of her, a crappy job at my job, and a mixed job taking care of myself and my relationships. I started worrying so much that I gave myself a full blown panic attack in the car that lasted almost an hour, complete with hyperventilating, sobbing, tunnel vision, face flushing, and full body tingles. Thank goodness for meds and those people that you can call who understand what's going on and are patient and listen to you.
During my sobbing conversation with one such person I came to the realization that I need help. I can't do all of this alone. Something has got to give! And I'm not sure what. What a damn roller coaster this disease is.