Random thought today. When Brian was diagnosed, I comforted myself with the thought that our story was not yet over.
Since Brian died, I have had a few people say things along the lines of “I’m glad you two found each other and I’m so sorry it ended this way”.
Well, Brian’s earthly life did end, absolutely. My heart says though that our story did not end with his passing. He will be a part of my soul forever. I may, may eventually even have another relationship (but not a marriage, I will for one thing leave this world with his name) but he will still be a part of me.
In my belief system, our story does not even end when I pass on. We wrote our own vows, and I remember how careful I was to add “in this life and beyond” in place of “til death do us part”.
At the same time, I am a huge believer in moving forward. If I am in this world in ten years and you see me in a widow’s group, it will be to support others. I think there is a huge diffference between living WITH, reconciling yourself to a loss and living IN a loss.
I really think the first day of the rest of my life in some respects will be getting past this estate stuff. Then I can maybe actually deal with the grief instead of my brain trying to blow past it because I have so much to do even when I’m not working.
The house, if all goes well should be (I use that term with great caution these days!) finally be held officially by me on 4/25. Life insurance is theoretically due to show up next week - check theoretically in mail yesterday. I really, really want to clear the house, finish my refi, Pay the couple of outstanding estate debts, finish the saga of the Health Savings Account (I get that, May take 3 months) and call it done.
Word to those planning an estate: for property plan through a Real Estate Lawyer, for the rest of the Estate an Estate Attorney is fine. A real estate attorney would have caught the County error with the Transfer on Death Deed that started the house drama in a heartbeat.
It occurs to me that at some point I need to plan my own estate, independent of Brian. What a concept.
Well, I’m off to help my mom with her non smart flip phone, and maybe see a movie and mall walk like a senior citizen (it’s dreary out today). Been Semper Fi with the healthy eating. Was a firestorm of a work week. That’s normal in my business. Tomorrow I’m doing a script reading for a friend’s new play.
One foot in front of the other.