Well friends,
It seems the consensus between the folks on here is that while I may have something else going on with me, it is not ALS. My goal in messaging on here has never been to annoy anyone, or take up people's time that could be better used supporting people who actually have a diagnosis. So I will make this my final message before I get some sort of diagnosis as to what is going on.
I am going to leave some final comments. My last doctor's appointment startled me because it felt like everything in his notes was mainly coming from him. Yes I did express my concerns about MND and told him about my intense anxiety. Given the very slim probability of being diagnosed with ALS at my age, and the fact that numerous conditions exist that can mimic the disease or effect neurons, I am sure one day I will discover that it isn't ALS. But it doesn't change the fact that my symptoms, going through them everyday, are so alarming and terrifying. Seeing my body change over a course of just a short few months. Seeing a divot appear on my calf with accompanying weakness, coupled with widespread constant twitching. To feel my feet tight and perceive that the fat pads are going away to the point where it hurts to walk...It's caused me to question everything, supporters like all of you, doctors. I worry the doctor says benign fascic cramp syndrome because they don't know what else to call it without the second emg.
I'm not proud of where I am mentally with my anxiety or otherwise. And I am sure from your guys point of you I am quite triggering.
I truly do wish I had never googled my symptoms. It is a shame that I somehow made the connection between what I am experiencing and ALS. With clean MRI imaging and clean auto-immune panels, seemingly clean everything, I simply had run out of ideas or places to turn. And when the fascics started all over, joints with popping, the feeling of systemic muscular weakness...my brain decided it was ALS for better or worse.
I do appreciate everyone who has taken time out of there day up to this point to talk with me. That being said, I will now take a hiatus from this forum. I do fear that I will return someday soon with a diagnosis. My forearms are getting smaller, and everything on me is just getting weaker. Over a short period of time. I still wonder if my short term abuse of adderal and vyvanse caused any of this or is capable of causing ALS.
I hope I'm wrong about all of this. To those of you I have upset, annoyed, or offended in anyway, I apologize and wish the best for you in all of your lives. Whether I am in the appropriate forum or not, I was shocked at the immediate and thorough feedback I got from the people here.
Have a wonderful day and stay warm.