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harley101

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Feb 7, 2007
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PALS
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Arkansas
City
Dardanelle
Hello. My mother n law who is 62 was diagnosed with ALS in August of 2006. My husband who is 36 moved in with her in early November. He is still able to work full time because of the help of hospice and his aunt who stays with his mother during the day through the week. I also work full time and my parents are not in good health also so I try to do all I can for my mother n law and husband. This disease is progressing so fast with her. She lost her speech first and has almost lost all mobility in her arms and legs. I am worried for my husband. He is getting tired. ( I see it ) Mentally and physically. We have a few family members and friends who have offered to help stay with her to give him a break but he will not do it. Not for one night. He says he just wouldn't want anyone else to care for her for the fear of them not knowing what to do. I try to tell him he has got to get some rest and that he has to take care of himself also. He is stubborn and wants to do it all on his own. My husband has only had his mother. He has no father and no siblings. He has of course myself, my family, and his aunt. Somedays he feels guilty because he has thoughts of wanting it to just be over and sometimes feels angry. I let him know those feelings are normal. Does anyone have any suggestions for me to help my husband get through this? Thanks so much!
 

emjoi

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Jul 19, 2006
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Lost a loved one
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Aus
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Vic
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Melbourne
Yeah. The trick is that once the disease is advanced past a certain level, the sufferer needs more than a kind hand helping out. I realised this with my dad. I could offer to give my mum a break for a while, but then came all the complications with tube feeding, techniques for dealing with choking and so on. It gets beyond a kind heart and helpful attitude.

You perhaps need to look at hospice care. The place my father went allowed my mother to visit and help out as much as she wished, but she could in the end go home at night knowing there were docs and nurses to deal with emergencies.

Or a visiting nurse, even part time?
 

saska

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Jan 19, 2007
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93
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Lost a loved one
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US
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Colorado
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Lakewood
I have to agree with emjoi that it might be a good idea to look into going to hospice, if your mother-in-law and husband would consider it. I know it must be very hard to relinquish the care of a loved one, but there is still MUCH help that your husband can give his mother even if she goes to an in-patient hospice facility. After my friend had been at the hospice facility for about a month, I asked him if he felt more relaxed and comfortable there, despite the wonderful care that his family gave him at home. He thought about it and commented that he missed his music...so, we got him an iPod and downloaded lots of his favorite stuff. He received great care in hospice from the staff and volunteers...and still from his family and friends. Many hospices offer massage, music therapy and pet therapy. It was Mike's choice to go to the facility, and he said it was because it was too hard for his family to care for him at home. And he had more people caring for him at home than your mother-in-law. At most hospice facilities, your mother-in-law can bring a lot of her personal property to make her space feel more homey. I can't imagine how hard this must be for your husband and you. Best of luck.
 

ahpeditor

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Jan 15, 2007
Messages
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Reason
CALS
Country
US
State
IA
City
Des Moines
Harley 101,

Take it from me, there isn't anything out there that even comes close to hospice care? When the time is right, hospice care is absolutely the best choice.

I've had two experiences with it and I can tell you that it is the most peaceful and uplifting way there is to deal with a family member that is facing his or her final days on earth. I know that when my wife reaches the point that I can no longer deal with her care on my own, that I will not hesitate to consider returning to hospice in my time of need.

It takes a special kind of person to work in a hospice facility, and thank God, every one of the people I've dealt with has been perfect. Neurologists should be forced to work at one during their training. :?:

Joel
 
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