suicidal thoughts

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codya13105

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For The First Time In My Life Today, And I Am So Ashamed...i Guess Im Not As Strong A Person As I Thought...but With The Twitching Atrophy Starting In My Hand ( Now That Area In Between Thumb And Forefinger Has A Sunken Area Starting) I Just Dont Know What To Do. I Want To See My Llittle Girl Grow Up So So Bad....i Can Barely Look At Her Right Now Without Crying....sorry For The Downer But...i Just Cant See What Else It Could Be.
 

kelly

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Since my husband has been diagnosed...there has been some seriously downer days. But I can tell you that my boys do not see their dad as anything else...then their Dad. They have grow closer to him everyday. Do not take these precious moments away from your daughter.
 

lostinlouisville

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Cody

I am sorry you feel so bad. I am having health issues now also, but suicide, not a chance. Let me tell you, We spend most of our adult life. caring for our children and hoping they love us. Why, would you want to blow that. Believe me, My Dad killed himself almost two years ago, and I am still pi**** at him. I am telling you this because no matter what, you love your little girl or this would not bother you so bad. So why would you want to put her through that kind of pain. Trust me, I don't want you to be that selfish, and I am guessing neither does she. We all have our problems and we all find our way to handle them. So heres what you need to do, let the Dr. figure this out and believe them when they tell you something and no matter what, LOVE THAT LITTLE GIRL, that requires sticking around. Sorry to be so hard on you, but just don't throw suicide around like that unless you want a reaction from someone who has lived that nightmare. Take care of yourself.

Renee
 

trying to stay positive

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Cody,
Renee is right. When a loved one commits suicide, the people left behind never get over it. It changes them forever. My brother, who was also my best friend, commited suicide in 1981. I can't even imagine what it would do to a small child.

You are stronger than you think. And we are here for you. You will get answers, just try to be patient. It took my husband 2 & 1/2 years to get his DX.

If I remember correctly from your past posts, you believe you have atrophy but no weakness? That points AWAY from ALS. Hang in there, and you can always PM me or many others on here.
 

Zaphoon

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Cody,

Besides twitching (of which I've proclaimed myself king) and a little atrophy, has any physician given you any kind of dire diagnosis? I cannot recall; my apologies.

If you can still walk, talk, wave your arms over your head and move all of your fingers and toes, many on this forum cannot. They have lost the ability to do those things some time ago and still go on living life to the fullest.

I ran into a lady last week whose 9 year old niece has lukemia. Lots and lots of pain but the child goes on, loving and living from day to day as should you.

Please put the self-pitty on the backburner and be there for your child! Focus on her needs for a daddy and your problems will seem much smaller.

Just some thoughts...

Zaphoon
 

Marjorie R. Wilcox

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pull yourself up by your bootstraps

You are one of the luckiest people I know, to have a child to look into the face of. Don't waste time looking there and crying. Give her all the biggest smiles you have, for all the time you can muster. Many people would give up great things to have what you have...a beautiful, wonderful, perfect child.... to carry on your life and be your legacy. Give her memories of a daddy (mommy) with a joyous face... and life! You are only what you think you are, so if necessary, change your thinking. It's tough, so be tough. I say all this with great affection and compassion.
 

codya13105

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THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR KIND THOUGHTS....I GUESS IM JUST TIRED OF DEALING WITH NOT KNOWING...BUT FEARING AND FEELING THAT i HAVE THE WORST...AND THANK YOU FOR PUTTING ME IN MY PLACE...YOUR RIGHT I AM VERY LUCKY TO HAVE WHAT I HAVE...GUESS I JUST DONT WANT TO LOSE IT.
 

jennibf

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Please get some help. We go see the doctors all of the time for our physical ailments but our emotional/mental challenges are just as important if not more so.

I did a paper in college on suicide and can tell you now that children of suicidal parents are a LOT more likely to do it themselves. Let's take the worst case scenario, IF you do have a fatal condition. Worst case scenario. Do you want your child to think of you as a BRAVE man who fought the fight, tried to smile as much as possible, never gave up hope, lived as long as possible and died with dignity or would you want him to see you as someone who gave in to depression and despair and died a self imposed death prematurely? What kind of legacy would that leave?

My uncle just passed away at the age of 52, six years after he was told he had approximately six weeks to live. His daughter is 14 so that means he had six years with her, six important years that he would not have had! What if he had killed himself thinking that he was going to die anyway? Yes, he was sick (cancer) some of that time but he was also doing great a lot of that time. They went on some great trips, spent wonderful holidays together and she has far more memories of him than she would have.

I gave the worst scenario but that is probably THE MOST UNLIKELY scenario. Please get help for yourself and most importantly, for your family. They deserve it!

Our thoughts and prayers will be with you!
 

brendapals

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Cody,
Please, please talk to someone TODAY! Yes, everyone has downer days, but you must, must get to a doctor, nurse, counselor, to help pull deep down inside you and move forward.

My own personal experience with suicide was in 1989, when my mother-in-law decided to end her life, in my basement. The emotions that follow are unbelievable.

I send you this as a friend, as a nurse, and as a mother, you have plenty to live for and your daughter needs you for a long time.
Let me know,
Never lose faith,
brenda
 

BethU

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codya, please, please call someone ... your doctor if possible ... and tell them how you're feeling. I know depression is horrible, but you can get through this with professional help. Your doctor, or a nurse, or other professional will know how to help you stop hurting like this.

Please, reach out to someone close at hand, the way you have reached out to us. We are all with you, and praying for you to get through this bad period.

Let us know how you are doing, OK? And make some phone calls today!
 

planningguy

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Cody,

You have gotten some great advice, and I don't know how much I can add to it.

We had a family friend commit suicide about eight years ago. Besides the emotional trauma it placed on the entire family, it shattered both his father and his sister. His sister never recovered, and her dark tailspin and battles with depression were only relieved when she was killed in car accident a couple of years ago. The father is coping better now, but his uphill climb was hard to watch.

When you do have dark days there are anonymous and free resources available for you to talk to a live person about your troubles. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline number is 1 800-273-TALK (8255). The individuals who respond are trained counsellors who can point you in the direction of long term resources to cope with emotional struggles.

If these feelings pervade your life you do need some long term help. Learning some additional coping skills can help reduce stress in all aspects of your life, not just the health related issues.

Best of luck, enjoy that little girl. Before too long she will be trying to paint your fingernails :)

Robert
 

sdsyd

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woah boy. HOLD ON. Even if it is only a minute at a time. REACH OUT AND TELL SOMEONE HOW YOU FEEL THAT IS CLOSE TO YOU. Even if you have to write it on a piece of paper and hand it to them that says " I am feeling suicidal,please help" In the bottom of that well of depression USE YOUR FINGERNAILS to start clawing your way back up.

Depression isnt nearly as stigmatized as it used to be and I am sure if you ask around you will find many people have been on antidepressants or antianxiety meds at one time or another. (myself included)

I am sorry to read of the losses that other people have experienced. Suicide is HORRIBLE for the survivors. I, too have been affected by suicide.

Thank you for reaching out to us, please take the next step and tell someone you care about.
prayers....
Love,
Cindy
 
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Suicidal Thoughts

Cody

I would like to add that as a teacher of many years' experience, I have come across quite a few children who have lost parents through suicide, and there is no doubt that they often suffer serious problems, maybe not at first, but later, as the reality of what has happened dawns on them. Also, I lost a lovely friend and neighbour to cancer ten years ago. He was 36, and left a three year old son, who I often cared for with my own son while my friend was ill, and after he died, to give his widow a break. This brave man suffered so much and fought against the disease for many years. He would have given anything for a few more months with his little boy.

Enjoy what you have for as long as you can.
 

awieleba

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cody

hang in there! I know you dont want to do that, you are just scared. I have been there, believe me.
Not on suicide but with wanting to go on and see my 3 young kids. I admitt I cry at night while sleeping next to them and thinking of the future. I dont cry for myself anymore ( i use to think how I wanted to see them and know them etc) I cry for them. I dont want them to suffer the loss of a mother. They are over attached as it is, and I cant bear the thought for them. I have those bad moments too. I do try to tell myself that none of us are promised anything. THere are alot of people who have gotten a worse deal. Died tragically on the way home from work or with cancer or stroke, heart attack. I know all to well the tragic loss of close friends and family memebers who died with out good byes. You have time, precious time. I take it one week or month at time. A seemingly healthy person could die tomorrow on thier way home in an accident( I lost 5 friends that way) or have a heart attack (lost my sisters fil) or like my hubby's cousin putting away x mas decorations and fall off a ladder in his garage and die when his head hit the floor leaving 4 kids and no life insurance. I could go on, that is the short list. we are promised nothing, and we will all die. Treasure every moment and just live in the moment. I do try to just live in the moment with my wonderful family. I had to make a CHOICE to be happy and decided that I cant let nothing change my personality. I want to be thought of as strong. It is hard and I struggle everyday. but I smile and play with kids like never before. I want to have fun all the time while I can and I want them to rember me like that. YOU can do it too.

**I had to go on lexapro, never been on anything before. It helped me sooo much. I was paralyzed with fear and grief in the spring. I am better and I think that it makes a difference. plus I have to take a sleep aid because the fear creeps in at night and my mind races.

peace to you.....

april
 

codya13105

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thanks again to everyone..i am doing a little better today..I cant bring myself to tell my wife how i was feeling... I dont want to put anymore stress on her...I guess another one of my problems is work...it is very hard for me to get through the day, and do my job well..as I would rather be home with my family. Does anyone else on here know anyone w/ widespread fascics, atrophy, but with no weakness? Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers...every little bit helps.
 
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