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BarryG

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Star Follies, Attack on the Neurons
A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away
It is a time of intense twitching in the Galactic Republic
Many question how all of the undulations in the force can be controlled

Will the dark side win out? Can the Rebel Alliance be put down by the Evil Empress Brooksea?

The scene opens with a rebel ship attempting to smuggle Doctor PZ and his plans for a new anti-twitching device through the Imperial blockade and deliver it to the planet Nabob. Nabob and it’s millions of inhabitants is about to be destroyed by a gravitational imbalance caused by a new secret weapon devised by Galactic Empire scientists. This secret weapon is known only by its code name, EMG and it is a devious device which causes the planet to shake and move involuntarily.

As the ship is about to be boarded and searched by storm troopers led by Darth Barry, Doctor PZ hides in an air shaft accompanied by his trusty robot, Really Too Depressed Too (R2D2). R2D2’s memory stores all of PZ’s plans and also keeps track of his personal wine bibbing collection. Both of these secrets are what Darth Barry is after because he has made it his personal mission to crush the rebels, destroy all hope and have a few drinks.

“Well we are really in trouble this time R2” whispers PZ, “I knew that we couldn’t trust Princess Rose and her furry friend Ernie to help us when we needed her. I know you think she is a sky goddess but I have some other names for her”

Just then they hear the sound of heavy breathing very close by

http://atdp.berkeley.edu/1623/students/kimberly/sounds/vadrbrth.wav
(writer’s note: this sorta what I sounded like the other night after my vomit episode)

“Tear this ship apart”” says the strange metallic sounding voice “I want that rebel dog and his plans found” “Yes SIR!” says the storm trooper captain.

Meanwhile no one notices as small ship docks with the rebel ship and it’s occupants open a hatch and enter. “Try to be quiet for once” whispers Glen Solo to his sidekick, KeeKer. “We have to get Doctor PZ and his plans out of here before he is captured and Nabob is destroyed”. KeeKer just growls as she notices that Loop Slytalker (aka Peter) has joined them. “G’day mate” says Loop “you weren’t going to leave me out if the fun now were you?”

“And you can be quiet too” replies Glen “You and Oh Beth Want to Know Me think you are so hot with your Jedi light sabres and the force but give me a blaster anyday”

The three of them make their way to the air shafts to rescue the scientist and his important plans ….
 
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What can we do whispers PZ to R2D2.
Well I remember back when we were trapped on the planet Hal, you had a very nice Coonawarra red, a Russet Ridge i believe, do you want me to telliport one from your collection here?
Dont be silly R2D2 this is not the time to get tipsy.

Meanwhile Glen, Keeker and Loop have made the air shafts but have come accros the fan that forces the air into them running.

What are we going to do Solo, Keeker said. If we shut down the fan the alarm will go off and the guards will know where we are.

Leave it to me replied Loop, I have my trusty light saber, just find me a power socket and i can rig it up to oscalate at the frequency of the fan, this will stop the fan but not set off the alarms and we can then go through into the ducts.

After 3 minutes the saber was glowing like a fluro tube and the fan stopped.
They quickly passed through into the ducts and when Loop pulled the plug out the fan started again.
Lets see your blaster do that Glen.

Darth Barry and his stormtroupers are beginning to search the ship after the compulsary rest break the troupers had to have as they have been "on the job" for 5 hours and the union were cracking down on working too long with out breaks this month.

Suddenly there is a strange noise heard all over the ship...........
 
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The doors to the main flight deck slide back, Princess Rose still has her hand on the control panel. She looked Dr PZ up and down, “Aren't you a little short for a stormtrooper?” “I don't know who you are or where you've come from, but from now on you'll do as I say, okay?”

Glen Solo undulated closer to her... the vague scent of Chanel #5 wafted up from her laser warmers, or was it coming from those tantalizing ear buns? He looked back at Dr PZ,s “Wonderful girl. Either I'm going to kill her or I'm beginning to like her.”

Ernie: Arf arf! We need to get to Oh Beth Want to Know Me, she has the answers we need! (arf) wag wag, snort.
 
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Meanwhile, Evil Empress Brooksea has just banished four innocent children to a life of eating green peas in hopes of inducing twitching in their adulthood. (children are much better than the mouse model!;-))

She turns to her trusted dog Pepper who can sniff out a coonworm at lightspeed and sings,

"I feel twitchy,
Oh, so twitchy,
I feel twitchy and witty and bright!
And I pity
Any girl who isn't me tonight."

She yells: "I smell Chanel #5! Bring her TO me!"
 
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Oh Beth Want to Know Me walks sedately into the scene, and casts eyes full of wisdom over the scene.

"As the only individual in the Universe who never saw Star Wars" (the crowd gasps) "or Westside Story, I will have to fake it. But don't worry, that is my specialty."

OBWTKM shakes the light sabre. "How do you turn this damn thing on?" She finds the switch, the light sabre lights up, and OB accidently cuts off three of her toes.

After the bleeding stops, OBWTKM turns to Princess Rose. "Cute earmuffs. Are those bagels? Can you put them in a blender? If so, I'll take one."

Pepper and Ernie both yip as OB's undulating light sabre nicks their tails.
 
Dr. PZ, meanwhile, is contemplating if whether or not it was a good idea to keep all of his secrets with his somewhat trusted but psychotic robot, Really Too Depressed Too (aka R2D2). There was that time, PZ recalled, when R2D2 gave under pressure and revealed the key ingredient to "PZ's Amazing New (and improved!) Anti-Snort Elixer" to Jar Jar Blinksandsnorts. Luckily, PZ was able to steal it back.

"If only I had a nice bottle of Menage 'a Trois from Folie 'A Deux!" thought the thirsty doctor. "Then I would regain my mojo enough to plot my way free from all of this!"

R2D2 was now on the brink of an "episode" and PZ saw it coming! He had to act fast!
 
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"STOP!" In waltzed Katie the Kompulsive (Karetaker that is) ... reaching into her official Rebellion-approved backpack, she came out with that thingy they used in Star Wars to rebuild Luke's hand (or was that the Bionic Man? I get sooooo confuuuused!) Once OBWTKM had a complete set of toes, she replace the tips of Pepper & Ernie's tails, and with a flourish produced the wished for bottle of Menage 'a Trois. Glancing around the room, she pronounced.. "My work is done here... for now... but I'll be back!" And in the blink of an eye... she was gone...
 
Meanwhile in the cargo hold the stormtroopers are assembling (what they are assembling we don't know) and the captain reports to Darth Barry. "Sir, we have an urgent message form the Empress!"

Darth Barry stops strangling the captain of the rebel ship, turns to the stormtrooper and barks "Give it to me" He examines the sheet closely and declares "It is in Rebel code and was intercepted by the Empress and sent to us."

With that he begins to sing in a baritone voice that can only be described as heavy metal.

There's a place for us,
Somewhere a place for us.
Peace and quiet and open air
Wait for us
Somewhere.

There's a time for us,
Some day a time for us,
Time together with time spare,
Time to learn, time to care,
Some day!

Somewhere.
We'll find a new way of living,
We'll find a way of forgiving
Somewhere . . .

There's a place for us,
A time and place for us.
Hold my hand and we're halfway there.
Hold my hand and I'll take you there
Somehow,
Some day,
Somewhere!


"I don't understand what it means sir" said the stormtrooper "But you do have a lovely voice"

"Keep looking" orders DB as he heads back to the Imperial battlecruiser to speak to the Empress....
 
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So there they all were, a seemingly disorganized assortment of twitchers, bamboozlers and royalty. But the next event would unite them as One. They would have to learn to trust one another in the face of the Great Unknown.

At first it was just an annoying sensation, hardly even entering the consciousness of their collective minds. Soon, though, it could not be ignored, their starship was being pulled away from its course by an unseen and silent force. The ship was undulating like no other ship has undulated before.

Straight ahead of them loomed an orb, and they continued to hurdle towards it with unrelenting almost hypnotic undulations.

To break the tension, Darth Barry pulled his fender guitar from his backup laser holster...
 
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The captain of the Imperial Cruiser barges in on DB ,

Darth Barry
The Evil Lord of the darkside
The Empresses toy boy
The one who can not fart anymore due to butt replacement

while he is ripping out his Slash inspired guitar solo.

DB raises his hand to choke the livin beegeebers out of the captain , but drops him as the captain luckily got "We have her" out before the squeeze.

"Lord , we have the one with the cinammon buns on her head"
"She says she is royalty and will not say anymore"

"Throw her buns in the oven , that should melt her resolve" says DB , in that ominous JEJ voice.
 
On board the Imperial cruiser Empress Brooksea is holding an audience with her senior advisors, Darth Barry and a mysterious stranger known only as "T313".

"I sense a disturbance in the farce" says the Empress in her gravelly yet smooth voice. "You have the princess in custody? That is good. We shall torture here by giving her nothing but roast beast, salad with lots of lettuce, french bread and pink zinfandel. That will get her talking"

"And you" she says pointing a crooked and exquisitely manicured finger at T313, "You are a bounty hunter yes? Here is a task for you, Bring me the head of Glen Solo because I want him before Joel the Hutt gets him"

With that she floats away softly humming "Maria"
 
Meanwhile, Dr. PZ had managed to open the bottle of "Menage 'a Trois" with the handy corkscrew built into his not so trusty robot, Really Too Depressed Too, swallow a few quick swigs and regain his mojo. PZ was now back in action.

Unkown to everyone, the good, kind, oober sensative and inventive doctor had a hidden vat of his trial batch of "PZ's New (and improved!) Anti-Undulating Balm". He was about to unleash his new balm and thus foil the plot of world domination the evil empire had stolen from the Brain and his sidekick, Pinky at ACME Laboratories.
 
KeeKer and Loop Slytalker (aka Peter) have finally navigated their way to the air duct above the main flight deck and have a birds eye view of whats going on.

Boy mumbled Keeker, thats the last time i am going to use the Navman 3000 to find my way around we have been lost for hours.

I wonder where Glen Solo went to wispered Loop, we really need him here if we are going to rescue PZ

Dont worry Loop, with your fluro light saber and my anty gravity stun gun just the 2 of us will be fine, now lets get down there.

With that they opened the hatch to the duct and lept down to the scene below.
 
Running down a hallway , looking for anything of value , while trying to evade those idiots in white plastic uniforms, Solo catches a glimpse of a holding room , with a feast laid out before the princess.

{{I'll bet that she will reward me for rescuing her}}

Solo press the door release button and it just beeps.
{{why does nothing ever just simply work}}
The Princess with nice buns, looks up at the beeping at her door.
Solo pulls out his blaster, is about to shoot the lock when he hears storm poopers coming. A quick smack on the locks causes the door to open, and Solo pops in, with the door closing behind.

Solo backs up against the wall , out of sight and says "Hi honeybuns, whats for supper?"

The storm poopers peer in the window. The princess, in regal fashion, raises both arms , and flips them off.
 
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