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sironside

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salisbury
This is an old tune that I'm tired of playing. My swallowing and speech are getting worse and my hands are shaky every day. Bottom line is that I can't cope. No one knows what's wrong, all I can do is hope I will get better. I'm scared out of my mind and really depressed. I just want to drink enough to numb my thoughts and symptoms and hope that I don't wake up the next day. My husband is being a real jerk about my problems and is very neglectful emotionally. The only time he gives me attention is when he is trying to get laid. My mother is moving in a few months and has no idea how to help me even though she is a psychiatrist. My father lives 2 hours away and is also not very supportive. I'm in nursing school and also working as a nursing assistant for health insurance because my dear husband can't seem to keep a job (he keeps quitting jobs and doesn't work for weeks at a time). I'm so alone and no one to comfort and support me. I don't want to eat anymore, I just want to drink until I don't feel the pain. I can't get myself to call a counselor because I'm not sure if my insurance covers it and I have no money. I'm sorry for posting this, I know a lot of you guys are going through tougher times than me and it makes me feel bad that I feel this sorry for myself.

I'm so sorry...
 

cukita99

Distinguished member
Joined
Jun 12, 2007
Messages
361
Reason
PALS
Country
US
State
tx
City
el paso
u really need to get proffesional help. i was diagnosed in 2007 after having symptoms since 2003. i know how hard it is not to know whats wrong but try to stay positive. take one day at a time. im here if u need a friend.
 

Peg B

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Joined
Nov 5, 2006
Messages
414
Reason
PALS
Diagnosis
10/2006
Country
US
State
Michigan
City
Flint
Hi

Below is a link to community mental health in VA. There is a main number, the call is free and there will be places to see you without payment or insurance or on a sliding scale. If you call the emergency service 24 hour number they can help you. Best Wishes, Peg

http://www.fairfaxcounty.gov/csb/mhs/mhsites.htm
 

sironside

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US
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md
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salisbury
I called around for therapy but no one can see me until 2 weeks from now. I don't understand, they asked me if I'm suicidal now, I said yes, then they said the soonest they can see me is in 2 weeks.
 

wright

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Do you have a close friend . . . a pastor . . . anyone you can just talk to about this? No one on here thinks you have ALS by the way. I know that when you are suffering from anxiety, words don't always help . . . but I for one think you are going to fine, physically. What you need to work on at the moment is your mental and emotional well being. Maybe you can PM someone on here that you can trust. I'm sure anyone would be more than willing to listen. Please take care of yourself.
 

vmd

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I suggest you call the national suicide hotline and they can give you immediate help. 1-800-784-2433

I can't believe the counseling center would have responded to you that way, considering the way you are feeling. Please keep us posted.
 

brooksea

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sironside-

Please contact the fllowing in your town:

SALISBURY

Crisis Lines

LIfe Crisis Center

(410) 749-4357(HELP)
(410) 749-4363

ALSO-

Your county should have mental health facility that is free or on sliding scale for anyone. If you call or go by the facility they will most likely see you right away. They sometimes have after business hours appointments. If you are in Wicomico call 410-334-3497.

Please let us know how you are doing.
 

MtPockets

Very helpful member
Joined
Jun 1, 2006
Messages
1,528
Reason
PALS
Diagnosis
05/2006
Country
US
State
Ms
City
Gulfport
Sironside,
I'm glad you have opened up to the people on the forum about your feelings. Many of us have been where you are right now.
I use to be in a similar situation like you are in right now. I would drink alcohol and slap my face until it became numb, and then I knew I could finally get to sleep. Depression does strange things to many people. I too at one point in my life wanted to end it all.

The fact that you can talk about it means a lot. While you are waiting to get professional help, please feel free to open up to those on the forum who have traveled the same road you are on and have found a way out of the darkness.

If you can read some of my posts, from the past, you will see that my way out of the darkness was my faith in God and prayer. I know many people think this is worthless, but I have had 6 years of Psychological therapy, two times a week, in the past to learn to live with Chronic Low Back Pain for the past 18 years, that never goes away, and then on top of that I was Dx with ALS May 11, 2006. What did I learn from all this?

I have lost the use of my legs and ALS is progressing up my torso. Yet I am living proof that no matter what is happening to your body, or around you, I can chose to be content and even HAPPY. It did not happen overnight, but through much prayer, counseling, and spiritual help I am able to live a fulfilling happy life.

My mood does not depend on my physical condition, or any other persons actions. My outlook on each day and every day that God gives me, is a CHOICE I make within my own mind, will, and emotions. I chose to live one day at a time.

Please chose life.
 
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duplinwino

Distinguished member
Joined
Mar 14, 2007
Messages
101
Reason
Loved one DX
Diagnosis
N/A
Country
US
State
NC
City
Pittsboro
I don't know if anyone has mentioned this but go to your local emergency room and let them know you feel suicidal, they will keep you and get you help immediately. I feel horrible for you, but you desperately need help, right now.
 

cukita99

Distinguished member
Joined
Jun 12, 2007
Messages
361
Reason
PALS
Country
US
State
tx
City
el paso
ive been there n only my faith in God n my son have kept me going. i depend on others to do everything for me but i feel as long as i can breath n think for myself it is worth living. u r too young n u havent even beigh diagnosed. to b thinking like that. call the hot line, please.
 

cajuntexusa

Active member
Joined
Apr 5, 2008
Messages
46
Reason
PALS
Diagnosis
04/2008
Country
US
State
TN
City
Thompsons Station
I have to chim in with the others posted here. It is entirely up to you to get the the help that you need. After reading some of your postings, I find it troubling that you haven't gotten the help you desperately need. We all go through times in our lives when we feel that we can longer go on but you have the strength to get through this. You may not feel it at this particular time, but people here have given you the avenue to seek out the professional persons that can help you.

We will be praying for you and hopefully we will see progress made by you,
 

sironside

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Joined
Apr 2, 2008
Messages
30
Country
US
State
md
City
salisbury
thanks for the help everyone. I found a walk in mental health clinic which uses a sliding scale and has a psychiatrist there. I went in today but the psychiatrist is only there Monday, Wednesdays, and Thursdays. So I will try again tomorrow and if it doesn't work out I will call some of the numbers posted on this thread. All day I have tried to find phone numbers like these and had no luck, so thanks for finding them. I would go to the ER except it would be a conflict of interest if I was admitted since in 2 weeks I will be doing psychiatric nursing in the same place for school. Im sorry to bother everyone, but thanks so much for the concern and suggestions. I realize i need help and medicine since i have a history of major depression and suicidal thoughts. I think my symptoms with no diagnosed has made me relapse. I promise i will try and get help ASAP so i dont become alcohol dependant or worse. Its just harder to go thtough this alone with my family so against me and unsupportive. Again, thanks everyone and i will keep you posted since you guys have enough to worry about besides worrying about my wellbeing. I am sorry to burden you guys, maybe one day i can somehow repay the kindness showed to me from all of you.
 

cajuntexusa

Active member
Joined
Apr 5, 2008
Messages
46
Reason
PALS
Diagnosis
04/2008
Country
US
State
TN
City
Thompsons Station
This is a great step. You are not a burden. We are concerned and we want to take the necessary steps to get the help you need.

God bless & keep us posted on your progress,
 

CindyM

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Sep 17, 2006
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3,543
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Learn about ALS
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New England
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Anytown
Hello Sironside. Do you hear all the support and concern that these great folks have shown you? It may be hard right now to see it, but the care is there because you are worth it. Keep trying to reach local help and keep writing to let us know about your progress. BTW, drinking is not the answer. It causes more problems than it solves. If nothing else, contact your local AA group to talk to the folks there. They haved been where you are now and they know how to help. You are not alone. Cindy
 

MtPockets

Very helpful member
Joined
Jun 1, 2006
Messages
1,528
Reason
PALS
Diagnosis
05/2006
Country
US
State
Ms
City
Gulfport
Sironside, you are not a bother. Your posts are what the forum is all about. Each of us helping one another through hard times and trials is what it is all about.

Hang in there and we will make it together.
 
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