JenniLee
Active member
- Joined
- Mar 19, 2007
- Messages
- 38
- Reason
- PALS
- Country
- US
- State
- CT
- City
- NORWICH
Hi everyone!
Sorry I left for a while; it's been so hard. My family, for some reason (something to do with my husband), have been keeping their distance from me...I've been struggling to regain my emotional strength because of it. All my life I've been there for all of them; nursed my father after hip surgery; nursed my mother through 2 bouts of cancer, etc. Now, I'm alone...my husband works during the day, and I struggle to keep a poker face in front of my 2 girls (5 & 6). I have no energy and feel deeply depressed.
I went to Columbia 4 weeks ago. Dr. Gordon is re-running all of my tests. He would not confirm or deny a diagnosis at that time. Tomorrow I go for the EMG and an MRA (I think). I see him again on the 31st. He told me to exercise, moderately, and get out and do my gardening. I've done gardening, but can't seem to get the energy to exercise. I feel a prisoner in my body.
Went to a homeopath and my cramps and twitches have lessened dramatically. Also, the shortness of breath is gone. I am seeing physical therapist, and have to see a speech therapist...is there anything speech therapy will do?
My poor girls..especially my biological "baby"...they see mommy can't do what she used to and it's dissappointing. I am dissappointing to them...to her. I want so much more for them. You know what the joke is? When I adopted the 6 year old, I wasn't ready, I wanted guardianship..but, my husband said "if you don't agree, I don't know where our marriage will end up". (It's his granddaughter). Anyway, everyone was so worried she would grow-up without her mother. Well, I have allowed her biological mother to have some contact, and I've been a full-time mother to her. In the end, she will still have her biological mother out there somewhere...but, what about my baby? Who will she have?
I'm trying so hard to stay positive, but when I'm tired and my speech is labored, it get the best of me. I feel like such a burden. I don't know how to get my head screwed on straight. I feel like the fight and passion of hope are within reach, but I also feel stuck. I've had some wonderful days, but, more overwhelming, sad days of late.
Thank you for listening; it's more than I've done for any of you lately. I'm sorry.
Jen
Sorry I left for a while; it's been so hard. My family, for some reason (something to do with my husband), have been keeping their distance from me...I've been struggling to regain my emotional strength because of it. All my life I've been there for all of them; nursed my father after hip surgery; nursed my mother through 2 bouts of cancer, etc. Now, I'm alone...my husband works during the day, and I struggle to keep a poker face in front of my 2 girls (5 & 6). I have no energy and feel deeply depressed.
I went to Columbia 4 weeks ago. Dr. Gordon is re-running all of my tests. He would not confirm or deny a diagnosis at that time. Tomorrow I go for the EMG and an MRA (I think). I see him again on the 31st. He told me to exercise, moderately, and get out and do my gardening. I've done gardening, but can't seem to get the energy to exercise. I feel a prisoner in my body.
Went to a homeopath and my cramps and twitches have lessened dramatically. Also, the shortness of breath is gone. I am seeing physical therapist, and have to see a speech therapist...is there anything speech therapy will do?
My poor girls..especially my biological "baby"...they see mommy can't do what she used to and it's dissappointing. I am dissappointing to them...to her. I want so much more for them. You know what the joke is? When I adopted the 6 year old, I wasn't ready, I wanted guardianship..but, my husband said "if you don't agree, I don't know where our marriage will end up". (It's his granddaughter). Anyway, everyone was so worried she would grow-up without her mother. Well, I have allowed her biological mother to have some contact, and I've been a full-time mother to her. In the end, she will still have her biological mother out there somewhere...but, what about my baby? Who will she have?
I'm trying so hard to stay positive, but when I'm tired and my speech is labored, it get the best of me. I feel like such a burden. I don't know how to get my head screwed on straight. I feel like the fight and passion of hope are within reach, but I also feel stuck. I've had some wonderful days, but, more overwhelming, sad days of late.
Thank you for listening; it's more than I've done for any of you lately. I'm sorry.
Jen