SOOO Scared!

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Dakotavike

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SD
My mom's birthday is coming up soon and I flash back daily to how she passed. It was just a matter of months after she was officially diagnosed to the time she lost her couragious battle with ALS. The thing that scares me the most is I watched how much she suffered through this and the last month and a half I have found, at times, that I have difficulty talking. It feels like my tongue is swollen and my words come out slurred. I have also woke up twice to having a couple fingers on my left hand twitching uncontrollably. Sometimes I think it is all in my head but when it happens, I get sooo scared. I don't really have anyone that I can talk about this too and am on the verge of bankruptcy so I have no plans to go to a dr. I watched my mom suffer, and if by chance I have it too I do not want to have my children see that too. They watched it with their grandma, and that was more than enough. I fear I am going to die alone.
 

Jennifer D

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Dec 19, 2011
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03/2012
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I'm so sorry to hear about your mom, I know what a terrible loss it is for you and your family..... But, if you think you're sick you need to go to a doctor and get help. To hell with bankruptcy, they can't take something you don't have Right? You need to see a doctor and not worry about bills, etc.

I'm sorry that you are going thru such terrible times, I wish you the best and I'll be praying for you!
 

Dakotavike

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I know the bills are not such a big deal but the thing that hurts the most is I don't really have anyone I feel comfortable talking to. I don't want to talk to my ex-wife, I don't have any close friends, and there is no way I am going to tell my dad or sisters. The only person I feel comfortable talking about this to I won't because she has enough personal problems, and I won't burden her anymore. I have battled depression for years, and this additional stress, when somo one from works questions me about my speech I go home and cry myself to sleep, praying that maybe God will forget to wake me up in the morning. The lonliness is probably the hardest part.
 

TedH5

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May 17, 2010
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PALS
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08/2010
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US
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GA
I am very soory to hear about your Mom and your current circumstances. Anxiety and concern in your circumstances is certainly understandable. Have you noticed any weakness? You need to see a Dr. Find a free medical clinic near you, many charities sponsor them. Or call an ALS clinic and explain your situation.

Besides your Mom is there any other family history of ALS?

Please keep us posted and do not allow your mind to run away with fear. See a Dr. and let them decide what if anything is happening. Good luck!
 

KissJ

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Loved one DX
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05/2011
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US
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Pennsylvania
The ALS Monster brings with it unbeliveable stress that is constant, high level, and long lasting. As soon as the first symptom comes til the final breath is taken in the end it is life changing and very difficult! Your symptoms may be stress related which is understandable! Seek help! God Bless! You are in my prayers!
 

Dakotavike

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I am honestly to the point now where I don't know where to turn to anymore. I have lost close to 100lbs and am in the best shape in my life. I am planning on running a 5k in 6 weeks. It may be the only race I get to run and the worst part is when I cross the finish line, I will do it alone, like everything else. The fear factor is overwhelming
 

Toto's Dorothy

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Jan 31, 2012
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11/2008
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Dakota
You gave us 2 very important parts to your problem the first being your mom living with als and her recent passing away you also mentioned her upcoming birthday none of us here are doctors so this is my opinion can you remember your mothers first symptoms i can tell you mine were not twitching I did not twitch until well into the progression of this disease there also people who twitch for no reason at all

The first thing I would do is make an appointment with your pcp just to put your mind at ease
second step away from the computer dr go og le can be a quack
And third kiss those kids for your mother and go enjoy your life I believe your mother would have wanted that for you

If for some reason you need to come back we will be here with open arms
 

Toto's Dorothy

Very helpful member
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Jan 31, 2012
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Kansas
I just saw your post you are never alone you carry your mothers memory in your heart she will always be with you and any one of us will be with you at that finish line congratulating on your accomplishments good job well done
 

ltbeauti

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Joined
Feb 22, 2011
Messages
215
Reason
PALS
Diagnosis
04/2008
Country
US
State
VA
You have people here always willing to listen. Good luck in the race. Wow what an accomplishment that will be. Concentrate on that for now and please see a doctor. You can tell the doc anything too
And we are here for support
 

Al

Legendary member
Joined
May 25, 2004
Messages
7,960
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PALS
Diagnosis
10/2003
Country
CA
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On
If you can run off five K race then I don't think you have to worry about ALS just my opinion.

AL
 

notme

Extremely helpful member
Joined
Apr 3, 2011
Messages
2,581
Reason
PALS
Diagnosis
08/2011
Country
US
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Fl
Normally--I'm with the crowd in my responses. They're much more knowledgeable than I am, but one thing you said causes me to post a caution.

If your speech has changed to the point that OTHER people are noticing it, you simply can't afford to be checked---there are a more things than ALS that can affect speech--but to rule it out--with that kind of symptom--the MDA will pay for an evaluation--so the $ issue won't cut it as a reason not to be seen.

A free clinic can make the referral if you need one for them.

We get a lot of people here complaining of slurred speech only they seem to notice. Apparently, in your case, you're NOT the only one noticing. Get checked--put your mind at ease.

Loneliness sucks--I totally understand that--as does depression. But neither causes slurred speech. If you're not on new meds--get seen by a doctor.

Edited to add: If you're going to sleep praying not to wake up, please get some help with the depression sooner rather than later. A grief counselor may be in order--contact the ALSA and ask about them, please.

Good luck to you
 
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