LizzieII
New member
- Joined
- Dec 28, 2013
- Messages
- 7
- Reason
- Friend was DX
- Country
- US
- State
- NC
- City
- NC
When I wrote my very first post about my 55 yo friend’s AFO situation a few months ago, in addition to getting information, I received some very nice “gentle reminders” that basically said to butt out—I was reminded that how the situation was handled was up to my friend and her boyfriend. But I am just beside myself about something that is happening and I don’t know where else to turn but here.
The long-time live-in boyfriend (who MAY have her POA, I don’t know but he surely has her “controlled” IMO) now wants my friend to go to a nursing home while he remains in HER house with supposed plans to sell it off to pay for her care sometime this spring/summer (after auctioning off her remaining personal possessions and selling her car.) His supposed reasons for thinking now is the time for a nursing home are: “She needs help walking”, “she’s fallen a lot” (that’s true---I was worried about that when I first posted), “the transport wheelchair we bought hurts her back so we can’t use it” (it was cheap and since it is a transport chair it is not padded and as far as I can tell, it still could work to move her room to room when she can’t walk even if it can’t work for long spells of sitting) “ we can’t keep buying stuff she can only use a few months” (the ALS chapter here has little to loan, unfortunately) “she’d be well-cared for in a nursing home,” “they have ALL the equipment she’d EVER need,” (yeah, right) “we can’t install a lift to manage bathroom stuff because lifts require doorways that are SIX FEET WIDE” (I can’t believe that’s ever true and right now, she CAN walk and I’d argue also, she CAN use the transport chair and can transfer) “ we can’t install a ramp to get her to the driveway because that would hurt the value of the house" (so she’s trapped inside--- thanks to all for the other suggestions on my other post about traveling over grass—I’m sorry I can’t use them but maybe other readers can) and lots of other things I think are totally stupid. The boyfriend is also casting about to get contributions from loved ones to pay the bills for this care (est 8K/mon) before the house and contents are sold. The BF has also mentioned there will be bills at the house for electricity, etc even after my friend goes to the nursing home but he plans to cut the cable to basic cable (what a sacrifice)
For whatever reason (and yeah, I know this is really stupid but I seem can’t do anything about it---I’ve tried) my friend has not been seen by an ALS doctor, seen by anyone on an ALS team, or had contact with anyone from the ALS Clinic for over 7 months. Apparently the boyfriend thinks a note from her GP (which she HAS seen once in the last few months and who knows nothing about ALS as far as I can tell) will get her admitted to the nursing home and maybe it will. The home says it has space and apparently may take her next week.) If I confront the boyfriend too forcefully, I know all contact will be permanently cut off with my friend given his control. I don’t know if my friend is going along with this ridiculous plan to “spare” him (apparently she is going along) but I’m not able to talk to her now about this. Is this as bad as I think it is? Is there anything I can do besides somehow convince my friend this is nuts? I could take her in and my house is pretty accessible but we would need help sometimes. But I do not think she’d come here plus I live about 75 mi from the ALS Clinic and do not live near a major hospital. I do understand nursing homes are sometimes necessary but I do not think it is time for my friend to go to one.
The long-time live-in boyfriend (who MAY have her POA, I don’t know but he surely has her “controlled” IMO) now wants my friend to go to a nursing home while he remains in HER house with supposed plans to sell it off to pay for her care sometime this spring/summer (after auctioning off her remaining personal possessions and selling her car.) His supposed reasons for thinking now is the time for a nursing home are: “She needs help walking”, “she’s fallen a lot” (that’s true---I was worried about that when I first posted), “the transport wheelchair we bought hurts her back so we can’t use it” (it was cheap and since it is a transport chair it is not padded and as far as I can tell, it still could work to move her room to room when she can’t walk even if it can’t work for long spells of sitting) “ we can’t keep buying stuff she can only use a few months” (the ALS chapter here has little to loan, unfortunately) “she’d be well-cared for in a nursing home,” “they have ALL the equipment she’d EVER need,” (yeah, right) “we can’t install a lift to manage bathroom stuff because lifts require doorways that are SIX FEET WIDE” (I can’t believe that’s ever true and right now, she CAN walk and I’d argue also, she CAN use the transport chair and can transfer) “ we can’t install a ramp to get her to the driveway because that would hurt the value of the house" (so she’s trapped inside--- thanks to all for the other suggestions on my other post about traveling over grass—I’m sorry I can’t use them but maybe other readers can) and lots of other things I think are totally stupid. The boyfriend is also casting about to get contributions from loved ones to pay the bills for this care (est 8K/mon) before the house and contents are sold. The BF has also mentioned there will be bills at the house for electricity, etc even after my friend goes to the nursing home but he plans to cut the cable to basic cable (what a sacrifice)
For whatever reason (and yeah, I know this is really stupid but I seem can’t do anything about it---I’ve tried) my friend has not been seen by an ALS doctor, seen by anyone on an ALS team, or had contact with anyone from the ALS Clinic for over 7 months. Apparently the boyfriend thinks a note from her GP (which she HAS seen once in the last few months and who knows nothing about ALS as far as I can tell) will get her admitted to the nursing home and maybe it will. The home says it has space and apparently may take her next week.) If I confront the boyfriend too forcefully, I know all contact will be permanently cut off with my friend given his control. I don’t know if my friend is going along with this ridiculous plan to “spare” him (apparently she is going along) but I’m not able to talk to her now about this. Is this as bad as I think it is? Is there anything I can do besides somehow convince my friend this is nuts? I could take her in and my house is pretty accessible but we would need help sometimes. But I do not think she’d come here plus I live about 75 mi from the ALS Clinic and do not live near a major hospital. I do understand nursing homes are sometimes necessary but I do not think it is time for my friend to go to one.