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kbee

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My cousin was diagnosed last year, he has a peg tube, trach and is on a vent. The last two weeks have been horrible. I am so scared. This last week I stayed with him, his vitals would be good one minute and terrible the next. His heart rate went from 200 down to 47 in a matter of seconds. He has a catheter but has not had any urine output since last night. I am worried that his kidney's are shutting down. Also, he hasn't been able to tell when he needs to have a bowel movement. The doctor came to the house Thursday night and wrote him a prescription for morphine. He had one drop on Friday and he was so out of it most of the day and then his oxygen went down to 75 (and he is even on oxygen) and his eyes rolled back and we couldn't wake him up. It took him 4 hours to get stable. We used to be able to suction him with the cough assist machine but now he is having to be deep suctioned all the time. We are having a hard time understanding him and he gets so frustrated. Even though he has a trach he has normally been able to eat, but has been able to in 4 days except for yogart or ice cream. It seems everything is happening at once. I am so scared. He said that he was ready for it to be over, I can't bare to hear him talk about that. He is only 39. It just breaks my heart, I start crying and can't stop. I try so hard to not do that in front of him. I love him so much. I am scared to death that this is the end:cry:
 

Dupont

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kbee said:
My cousin was diagnosed last year, he has a peg tube, trach and is on a vent. The last two weeks have been horrible. I am so scared. This last week I stayed with him, his vitals would be good one minute and terrible the next. His heart rate went from 200 down to 47 in a matter of seconds. He has a catheter but has not had any urine output since last night. I am worried that his kidney's are shutting down. Also, he hasn't been able to tell when he needs to have a bowel movement. The doctor came to the house Thursday night and wrote him a prescription for morphine. He had one drop on Friday and he was so out of it most of the day and then his oxygen went down to 75 (and he is even on oxygen) and his eyes rolled back and we couldn't wake him up. It took him 4 hours to get stable. We used to be able to suction him with the cough assist machine but now he is having to be deep suctioned all the time. We are having a hard time understanding him and he gets so frustrated. Even though he has a trach he has normally been able to eat, but has been able to in 4 days except for yogart or ice cream. It seems everything is happening at once. I am so scared. He said that he was ready for it to be over, I can't bare to hear him talk about that. He is only 39. It just breaks my heart, I start crying and can't stop. I try so hard to not do that in front of him. I love him so much. I am scared to death that this is the end:cry:

My Mother is at a similar stage of the illness by the sounds of it. She is taking morphine and her swallow has now failed and she can only communicate to us by alphabet card in which we point to the letters and form the words. Also, she is getting a lot of discomfort in her kidney area and has breathing problems. The doctors have told us she is in the final stages of the illness. I get very scared too as I don't want her to suffer. I wonder will she just fall into a coma? I think it is just best to tell them that you love them very much and comfort them in any way you can.
 

quadbliss

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I believe deciding when to die is a personal decision. Only the person dying can judge their own quality of life. I know it is probably one of the hardest things you will ever do, but you should accept his decision, even support it. Your love and support during the end of his life will mean a lot to him. You will grow from the experience.

Mike
 

Pollyanna

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Sounds so familiar....

I'm so sorry y'all are going thru this...it sounds exactly like what happened with my husband on April 4. We had called in Hospice to help me with baths and to help get a bedsore well. That was on Monday, and they too started Morphine because he was having more and more pain that we couldn't control. On Tuesday, I gave him a quick haircut and we gave him a shower, but he passed out in the shower chair before we could get him back to the bed. He couldn't eat that day, and it was the first time he had trouble with swallowing. He was so weak and just slept all day. That night I prayed that if it was the end, that the Lord would take him quickly. The very next morning, I couldn't wake him. I called our two grown daughters who came immediately, and we were at his bedside for the next 24 hours, at which point he breathed his last...almost exactly 24 hours to the minute from when he went into a coma. And like your cousin, there was no elimination at all during that entire time, even though he was cathaterized. God answered my prayer, and it was a very tough answer to accept...but it was exactly what both of us had prayed for the entire 7 months since his diagnosis. But being with him gave us an opportunity to tell him over and over again how much we loved him, and also to reassure him that I would be ok and it was ok for him to relax and go Home. But as Quadbliss said, it's a very personal decision, and it's remarkable how strong the will is, even though comatose. The nurses told us he could hear, and you could see a slight flicker of his eyelids when we would speak to him. I say all that to encourage you to talk to your cousin, tell him you love him, and give him permission to go. It sounds like he's fought a hard fight, but unless there is a drastic change, I feel in my heart of hearts that his time is very near. God bless you during this time, and I'll pray for your family for strength, courage and stamina. Just be sure he knows you are there and that you love him! You will be glad in the long run, even though it's tough right now. My prayers are with you...
 

CindyM

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Hi Pollyana. Thanks for sharing that incredible and heartwarming story. I could just picture the love and support that you gave each other. What a special family! Cindy
 

Al

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I hope when the time comes we can all pass on with that kind of love and support.
AL.
 

CindyM

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We will, Al, because we treat people as we would want them to treat us. Cindy
 

sufernan

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It is scary to be and to see someone we love die. I hope you will find the love and the courage to support your cousing and yourself in this difficult time.
Sunny
 

hboyajian

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Kbee, I have been thinking of you and your cousin today. I hope you have family and friends around you both to offer love and support to each other.
 

kbee

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Jan 22, 2007
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tennessee
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nashville
Thank you all

Well, my fears came true last Tuesday morning. My cousin passed away. I am so glad that I was there, I ended up spending Monday night with him. He had a rough night that night, he was in such pain and hadn't sleeped in a couple of days. The next morning he said that he felt something was happening. He felt that he wasn't getting any oxygen and when we tried to use that cough assist machine we got nothing.
His 10 year old son came into the room and my cousin told him he was afraid that he wasn't going to be able to take care of him anymore. That was so hard to watch. He asked his mom "what do you want me to do"...she told him that "his father was waiting for him and he would take care him". It was like he was asking permission to give up. We called other family members and he told us he loved us all and gave us one last kiss. The nurse said it okay for us to give him another drop of morphine. We did and it wasn't long that he was finally able to go to sleep.
I want to thank you all for your replies. It helped me not be so selfish and understand that he is in a better place now with no more suffering.
 

shellshell

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Scott
So sorry for your loss...

kbee, I am so very sorry for your loss. Your cousin was so lucky to have you there to support him til the end...God bless you and your family....

Michelle
 

Paty

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Mexico
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Baja California
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Mexicali
kbee

I am deeply sorry for your loss. May God bless you and your family.
Your cousin is now resting in better place.

Love

Paty
Husband's Caregiver DX 10/17/05
Baja California, Mexico
 

hboyajian

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Kbee, What a heart-wrenching, but beautiful story. I am so sorry you have lost your cousin, but glad you were able to be there with him and other members of your family.
 
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