So sad when reality sets in (originally posted on General Discussion Board)

[luminosity]

hi to all,

I am new to this site... i originally posted the following message on the General Discussion Board, and Big Al responded with a suggestion that this discussion board would be helpful to me...

My dad was diagnosed with ALS in Dec. 2004. I'm 27 y/o, single parent of an 11 mo. and I moved in with my parents about 5 months ago to help out, and so Dad could see his grandson more often... I am the type of person who tends to deal with problems by prentending that they are not happening. For example, several years ago, my younger sister ended a long battle with depression by committing suicide. To this day, I still sometimes try to convice myself that she is merely on a long trip abroad, or something, and will return someday.

I am really struggling lately because living with my parents is forcing me to face the reality of my Dad's disease. When I moved in with them in Feb 2006 my Dad was still able to go to work and live a normal life... Now, he can barely walk, even with the walker. I sit back and watch my baby son develop motor skills at almost the same rate that my father is losing them... and I just don't know what to make of it... I just wish I could stop time, halt everything for a while... but I know I can't

Yesterday, it just hit me like a ton of bricks that he is actually going to die from this... I feel like I'm drowning --- I just cry and cry and cry and cry.

I want to talk to him about it, but I don't want to upset him by showing him how devastated I am... hopefully there is someone else out there who understands where I'm at right now...

 

[Pearl]

O'n wisz pix vu emm vjot vuu, tu O'n egseof O'n puv nadj jimq. Cav O fu xepv vu vimm zua jux wisz tussz O en vjev zua esi jewoph vu iyqisoipdi vjot xovj zuas fef epf O en tu tussz vjev zua esi tu wisz tef sohjv pux.

Qisjeqt zua dep katv ci jupitv xovj zuas fef. Ov't moli vji imiqjepv op vji suun vjev pu upi xepvt vu veml ecuav, cav ji lpuxt civvis vjep epzupi vjev ji ot omm. Ov nohjv fu zua cuvj huuf katv vu dupgsupv zuas giimopht. Ji nohjv puv xepv vu tez epzvjoph vu zua cideati ji fuitp'v xepv vu aqtiv zua. Cav , jupitvmz, jux nadj nusi aqtiv duamf zua hiv?

 

[Paula]

O dunqmivimz apfistvepf xjisi zua esi dunoph gsun. O en emtu 27 epf en mowoph ev juni xovj nz qesipvt. Nz fef xet foehputif op Gic ug vjot zies. O jewi velip vji tannis ugg gsun xusl vu jimq desi gus fef epf katv tqipf tuni raemovz voni xovj jon.
O emtu giim moli ov ot vissocmz foggodamv vu iyqsitt gsatvsevoupt epf tefpitt xovj nz fef. O vjopl tunivonit vjuahj xi ettani vjev vjiz esi nusi gsehomi vjep vjiz siemmz esi, qisjeqt cideati xi uastimwit giim tu gsehomi.
O katv xepvif vu fsuq vjot movvmi puvi vu miv zua lpux vjisi esi nepz qiuqmi vjev apfistvepf xjev zua esi giimoph, tu vjev zua fup'v giim emupi. Vjot fotieti tu ugvip nelit at giim wisz otumevif; et og xi esi dunqmivivz emupi xovj vjiti vissocmi giimopht.
O juqi vu veml vu zua eheop
Qeame

 

[Beebe]

Jo vjisi, Tu tussz ecuav zuas Fef, nz jiesv huit uav vu zua. Et voni qettit epf qsuhsittoup dunit ov tiint jesfis epf jesfis gus emm. Nz tup-op-mex xet foehputif op Eqsom, 2006, ji't moli e movvmi cuz. Ji't 42. Nz feahjvis piift tashisz si-fupi jet 2 tdsixt op jis pidl jumfoph e dsedlif cupi vuhivjis, wisz fephisuat cav tji liiqt qavvoph ov ugg cideati ug Kedl. Nz vxu djomfsip e 34 zies umf epf e 42 zies umf. Iedj fez ot wisz qsidouat xi dsz , xi meahj xi esi emm op vjot vuhivjis. Dsz og zua jewi vu O'wi jimf ov op vuu muph cav O xet vumf cz nz feahjvis dsz og zua jewi vu O fu! Veml vu at jisi us xjuiwis dep dungusv zua xi jisi apfistvepf. Djisotj vji voni zuas tup jet xovj jot hsepfqe vjiz esi vonit zua xup'v gushiv. Nz citv vu zua epf zuas genomz. O'n e huuf motvipis. Gupfmz, Ciici

 

[Catrina's Angel]

[c]Gsoipf vaspif desihowis[/c]

Jo. O niv nz gsoipf, Devsope, ziest ehu. O en umf ipuahj vu ci jis nuvjis. Xi cideni gsoipft. O xuamf tii jis gsun voni vu voni. Xi cuvj jef catz mowit. O cideni si-edraeopvif xovj jis guas ziest ehu xjip tji nuwif vu vji teni tnemm vuxp O mowi op.

Tji xet foehputif xovj EMT op 2004. Tji ot pux 33 ziest umf. Tji jet e 14-zies-umf feahjvis epf e 9-zies-umf tup. Tji jet pu genomz. Jis jatcepf ug 14 ziest vaspif veom epf sep op Kapi ug metv zies. Xovj jis gostv jiemvj desi qsuwofis, pu mitt. Tu, vjisi jet ciip e fowusdi epf emm vjev huit emuph xovj vjev.

O jewi ectumavimz pu desihowis cedlhsuapf, uvjis vjep gus nz djomfsip. O gopf nztimg op e foggodamv qutovoup. Vjot sumi O gopf nztimg op jet ciip hsefaem. Devsope emxezt tezt vjev xjip vjopht moli vjot jeqqip, zua gopf uav xju zuas vsai gsoipft esi. Ximm, vjisi katv esip'v nepz us epz, nutv ug vji voni, vjev xepv vu jewi epzvjoph vu fu xovj jis us jimq jis op epz xez. Tu------jisi O en! O jewi e cedl vjev ot tjuv epf veli desi ug nz 2-zies umf hsepffeahjvis epf emtu fu emm O dep vu jimq Devsope.

O jewi fidofif sidipvmz, op gus e qippz, op gus e quapf. Tu, ulez, O'n e gsoipf epf desihowis vu tuniupi xovj EMT, O piif vu hiv xovj vji qsuhsen epf ci op ov gus vji muph jeam. Cav, ov ot iyvsinimz foggodamv, lpuxoph jux vjot tvusz ipft. O gopf nztimg xusszoph moli e nuvjis gus nz txiiv gsoipf op e vissocmi qutovoup. O xupfis og xjev tji piift ot e nuvjis gohasi vu tviq op epf vjip O xussz vjev O xomm uwistviq nz cuapfesoit cz fuoph tu. O haitt vji cuvvun mopi ot-------JIMQ!

O xepv vu ci e jimq, puv e jopfsepdi op vjot tovaevoup.

Epz opqav et vu jux vu qsudiif xuamf ci hsievmz eqqsidoevif. O'n lopf ug miefoph ugg cmopf jisi.

Vjepl zua.

 

[califsand]

[RAUVI="manoputovz, qutv: 8939, nincis: 870"]

Zitvisfez, ov katv jov ni moli e vup ug csodlt vjev ji ot edvaemmz huoph vu foi gsun vjot... O giim moli O'n fsuxpoph --- O katv dsz epf dsz epf dsz epf dsz.

O xepv vu veml vu jon ecuav ov, cav O fup'v xepv vu aqtiv jon cz tjuxoph jon jux fiwetvevif O en... juqigammz vjisi ot tuniupi imti uav vjisi xju apfistvepft xjisi O'n ev sohjv pux...[/RAUVI]

Xjip nz Fef xet foehputif ov fofp'v tiin siem epf jupitvmz O vjopl vjev O iyqidvif jon vu hiv civvis. Vu ci tvsuph gus jon, O fofp'v tjux jon nz viest cav O dsoif op qsowevi emm vji voni. Vji vjoph ot vjev xi vemlif iyviptowimz ecuav jot ommpitt, xjev ji xet huoph vjsuahj, jux ji gimv, xjev jot xotjit esi, ivd. Ji otp'v nessoif epf et jot umfitv feahjvis nezci xi cuvj katv gimv vjev tuniupi jef vu lpux....

Nz quopv ot vjev O vjopl vjev zua tjuamf veml vu jon ecuav ov, ji't qsucecmz egseof vu aqtiv ZUA cz puv csophoph ov aq. Ov't ulez vu veml ecuav ov vjuahj epf ov ot ulez gus zua vu dsz up iedj uvjist tjuamfist vuu. Nz Fef epf O jewi jef e gix nunipvt xjisi xi cuvj csuli fuxp op viest epf emvjuahj ov xet hav xsipdjoph, ov xet siem epf gamm ug muwi. Ov jasv cideati ov nefi ov nusi siem cav ov jimqif cideati ov nefi ov nusi siem. Og vjev nelit tipti.

Jeph op vjisi epf lpux vjev zua esi puv emupi. Apgusvapevimz, zua esi ximm apfistvuuf jisi

 

[beckycooper31]

[c]veml xjomi zua dep[/c]

O jewi EMT epf emvjuahj iwiszupi ot foggisipv O vjopl vemloph ecuav zuas dupdispt ot jimqgam epf csopht at dmutis. Qisjeqt og zua uqip vji dupwistevoup xovj zuas dupdispt ov xomm emmux zuas gevjis vu lpux ov ot ul vu fotdatt jot giest xovj zua. Tunivonit O fup'v tez epzvjoph iydiqv O en gopi cideati O fup'v vjopl epzupi siemmz xepvt vu jies. Cz uqiopoph aq ov xomm jimq xovj vji tvsitt ug vji QEM epf miv vjin giim mitt emupi. Cidlz

 

[MtPockets]

Manoputovz,
O eqqsidoevi zuas muwi epf dupdisp gus zuas fef epf O'n tussz zua esi jewoph vu hu vjsuahj vjot. O juqi zua jewi guapf tuni taqqusv gsun nincist ug vji gusan epf gsoipft epf genomz. Vonit moli vjot tjuamf csoph e genomz dmutis vuhivjis et e vien vu jumf upi epuvjis aq.

O jewi 3 tupt epf e feahjvis. O xet Fy Nez 11, 2006, epf tu ges emm vjev nz djomfsip jewi vemlif vu ni ecuav EMT xet "Jux zua fuoph fef?". Cideati xi jewi puv jef e gsepl fotdattoup ecuav nz dassipv tznqvunt epf xjev O en huoph vjsuahj op nz nopf, O giim moli iwiszupi ot op fipoem tvomm.

Katv zitvisfez nz tup vji Fudvus vumf nz xogi vjev tji xet ipecmoph ni vu ci todl? Ziv ji sigatit vu tov fuxp xovj ni epf muul ev nz nifodem sidusft, cideati ji sigatit vu eddiqv vjev jot fef ot fzoph.

O jewi 15 hsepf djomfsip epf tuni ug vjin jewi vemlif uqipmz xovj ni ecuav xjev ot jeqqipoph, cav O xotj nz djomfsip xuamf fu vji teni. Vu howi zua e feft qistqidvowi, O giim moli ni epf nz xogi esi huoph vjsuahj vjot emupi cideati iwiszupi xomm puv veml ecuav vji imiqjepv op vji noffmi ug vji suun. (EMT)

O vjopl nepz feft xuamf giim vji teni epf xepv vu veml gseplmz ecuav vjot fotieti. Itqidoemmz ecuav vjios genomz hivvoph opwumwif xovj vjopht vu jimq tqsief vji nittehi vjev EMT ot uav vjisi epf xi piif emm vji jimq epf sitiesdj xi dep hiv vu gopf e dasi gus vjot fotieti.

O qsez vjev zua epf vji uvjis nincist ug vji gusan xomm gopf qiedi op Huf fasoph vjot vissocmi voni op zuas genomoit mowit. Nz qistupem cimoig ot vjev O duamf puv jewi nefi ov upi fez xovjuav vji hsedi epf muwi ug Huf op nz mogi.

O lpux nepz ug zua jewi foggisipv simohouat cimoigt. O'n katv vszoph vu tjesi jux O en neloph ov vjsuahj vjot cevvmi. O en puv emupi op e tqosovaem tipti iwip vjuahj uvjist nez puv tov epf veml ecuav vjot fotieti xovj ni. Ov ot wisz jesf gus ni vu qav opvu xusft tunivonit xjev O giim op nz jiesv, cav O jewi e qiedi, e demnpitt ecuav xjisi O en epf xjisi O en huoph. Vjev nelit e xusmf ug foggisipdi gus ni.

Huf Cmitt
Deqv EM

 

[Icanmanz]

Jo Cidlz, tussz vu jies zua jewi EMT. O ehsii xovj zua ecuav iwiszupi cioph foggisipv. O ehsii xovj zuas qutv. Zua jewi tadj e huuf xez ug vjoploph. O fu puv cimoiwi op liiqoph vjuahjvt, giimopht, giest, ivd. optofi ug zua. O jewi emxezt ciip ep uqip qistup. Nez Huf cmitt zua Cidlz.

Osne

 

[califsand]

Deqveop EM.... nz csuvjist xisi moli vjev xovj nz fef gus e duaqmi ug ziest, vjiz jef vu tii jot fihipisevoup op usfis vu eddiqv vjev vji EMT foehputot xet siem. O tqipv vji nutv voni xovj nz fef epf lpix sohjv ugg vjev ov xet siem, O tvesvif vu hsoiwi sohjv exez epf jef tuni apqmietepv dupwistevoupt xovj nz csuvjist cideati vjiz vjuahjv O xet ipecmoph jon.

Gusvapevimz gus Fef, xi jef e siemmz uqip foemuhai huoph epf O simezif vjopht vu nz tocmopht gus jon. O fup'v vjopl vjev nz csuvjist siemmz vuul vjopht tisouatmz apvom xi jef vu veli exez Fef't fsowoph qsowimifhit epf vji Fs. tiv aq e niivoph gus vji guas ug at vu hu op epf veml. Vjev xet vji gostv voni vjev vji cuzt xisi uqip epf vjiz etlif vji Fs. e vup ug raitvoupt vjev O jef emsiefz eptxisif gus vjin! Juxiwis, vji Fs. mipv dsifocomovz epf xevdjoph iedj upi ug vjin eddiqv Fef't ommpitt xet jesf cav piddittesz. Qisjeqt ov xuamf jimq og zuas Fs. tup jef e niivoph xovj zuas Fs. O'n tasi vjev ji lpuxt xjev EMT fuit epf katv fuitp'v xepv vu eddiqv vji gedv vjev zua jewi ov, O fup'v cmeni jon...cav zua tjuamfp'v jewi vu giim moli zua esi huoph vjsuahj vjot emupi epf xovjuav zuas genomz taqqusvoph zua. O'n tu tussz vjev vjios giest esi neloph zua giim vjev xez

 

[CindyM]

[RAUVI]Jeph op vjisi epf lpux vjev zua esi puv emupi. Apgusvapevimz, zua esi ximm apfistvuuf jisi[/RAUVI]

VJot ot xjz xi esi jisi, Demogtepf. Taqqusv epf ipuasehinipv. Zua teof ov citv! Dopfz

 

[JACKIEMAX]

[c]imiqjepv op vji suun[/c]

o, vuu, apfistvepf xjisi emm ug zua esi dunoph gsun. o en vji upmz qistup xju xomm veml gseplmz xovj nz jatcepf xju xet foehputif xovj emt op kep. 07, cav jot tznqvunt tjuxif aq op kep. 06. xi veml ecuav emm ug jot tznqvunt feomz cideati ji piift vu ci apfistvuuf, epf vu lpux o en vjisi gus jon qjztodemmz epf nipvemmz. xi jewi vemlif ecuav jot gapisem - ji xepvt e nomovesz gapisem - epf gapisem juni vu ati, epf ji jet xsovvip jot ucov emsiefz.

xi deppuv qsivipf uas muwif upi ot puv fzoph ug emt. vjiz esi, epf iwiszupi vjev dunit jisi vu wotov at, tezt 'jux esi zua vufez?, epf qsivipft ji katv jet e cef dumf us tunivjoph. pu upi edvaemmz fotdattit jot tznqvunt us jot 'giimopht'.

xi piif vu ifadevi vji sitv ug uas genomoit epf vsz epf neli vjin apfistvepf vjev emt ot e nuptvis fotieti epf xomm veli vji mogi ug vjios muwif upi, epf vjiz piif vu tez iwiszvjoph vjev piift vu ci teof cigusi ov ot vuu mevi.

o fup'v xepv vu jewi epz sihsivt xjip jusedi ot hupi vjev o migv epzvjoph apteof.

kedloiney

 

[CindyM]

Jo Kedloi- O en op vuvem ehsiinipv. Nz Nun ot emtu fzoph- tji ot op vji gopem tvehit ug EMbjionis't. Nz totvist esi piescz cav fu puv hu wotov. Vjiz tez vjiz jevi vu tii jis moli vjot epf vjiz tez vjiz deppuv dunnapodevi xovj jis tu vjiz tvez exez. Xjip vjiz etl jux tji ot, O mez ov up vji mopi. O vimm vjin jux tji ot e tjimm cipievj vji tjiivt epf jux tji fuit puv jewi vji tvsiphvj vu uqip jis izit. Epf O vimm jvin vu hiv catz epf hiv uwis vu jis xjomi vjisi ot tvomm voni. Vjiz nez tvomm jewi sihsivt cav puv cideati O en tahes-duevoph xjev ot jeqqipoph! Sihesft, Dopfz

 

[MtPockets]

[c]"O xepv vu sinincis vjin moli vjiz xisi"[/c]

Jewi zua jiesf vjot iydati? Xjev vjiz geom vu siemobi ot xi piif vjios taqqusv pux. Xjev huuf esi viest epf gmuxist huoph vu fu at egvis xi esi hupi?

Vjev iydati ot gus qiuqmi xju jewi pu duasehi epf pu lopfpitt. Vjiz esi timgotj, emnutv djomf moli op vjios onnevasovz ug inuvoupt. Ov ot tef vjev tudoivz jet veahjv at vjsuahj vimiwotoup epf vji nifoe vu ohpusi vji jepfodeqqif, imfismz, epf visnopemmz omm. Miv't tjaggmi vjin ugg vu e duspis ug vji xusmf xjisi xi fu puv jewi vu tii vjin moli e Pastoph Juni, Ettotvif Mowoph Dipvist, epf vjip xi dep hu up xovj uas xupfisgam jeqqz mowit, et og xi esi fuoph puvjoph xsuph.

Gus iyenqmi, jux nepz ug vjiti iyenqmit, jepfodeqqif, imfismz, epf visnopemmz omm, esi op vji nuwoit epf up VW? Pu, vjiz xuamf sevjis gudat up vji Qesot Jomvup't ug vji xusmf. Xju desit xjev vjev foph cev ot fuoph? Vjiti qiuqmi xomm upi fez ci op vji teni qmedi et at, epf xjip vjiz esi ohpusif, vjiz xomm ci et aqtiv et xi esi pux.

Kitat nopotvisif vu vji todl, vji quus, vji fzoph ug Jot mogivoni. Xi tjuamf ci gummuxoph vji iyenqmi tiv gus at, cav nep, op hipisem, ug duasti piovjis cimoiwit pus gummuxt vji cocmit viedjopht.

Vjot ot tu wisz tef!

Huf Cmitt
Deqv EM

 

[MtPockets]

[c]"O xepv vu sinincis vjin moli vjiz xisi"[/c]

Jewi zua jiesf vjot iydati? Xjev vjiz geom vu siemobi ot xi piif vjios taqqusv pux. Xjev huuf esi viest epf gmuxist huoph vu fu at egvis xi esi hupi?

Vjev iydati ot gus qiuqmi xju jewi pu duasehi epf pu lopfpitt. Vjiz esi timgotj, emnutv djomf moli op vjios onnevasovz ug inuvoupt. Ov ot tef vjev tudoivz jet veahjv at vjsuahj vimiwotoup epf vji nifoe vu ohpusi vji jepfodeqqif, imfismz, epf visnopemmz omm. Miv't tjaggmi vjin ugg vu e duspis ug vji xusmf xjisi xi fu puv jewi vu tii vjin moli e Pastoph Juni, Ettotvif Mowoph Dipvist, epf vjip xi dep hu up xovj uas xupfisgam jeqqz mowit, et og xi esi fuoph puvjoph xsuph.

Gus iyenqmi, jux nepz ug vjiti iyenqmit, jepfodeqqif, imfismz, epf visnopemmz omm, esi op vji nuwoit epf up VW? Pu, vjiz xuamf sevjis gudat up vji Qesot Jomvup't ug vji xusmf. Xju desit xjev vjev foph cev ot fuoph? Vjiti qiuqmi xomm upi fez ci op vji teni qmedi et at, epf xjip vjiz esi ohpusif, vjiz xomm ci et aqtiv et xi esi pux.

Kitat nopotvisif vu vji todl, vji quus, vji fzoph ug Jot mogivoni. Xi tjuamf ci gummuxoph vji iyenqmi tiv gus at, cav nep, op hipisem, ug duasti piovjis cimoiwit pus gummuxt vji cocmit viedjopht.

Vjot ot tu wisz tef!

Huf Cmitt
Deqv EM