So many mixed emotions....I am a horrible person

[Rhonda J]

My husband has had this horrible disease for 6 years. He is 57 and I am 50. We have been married 11 years. He is a 25 year Retired Veteran of the Air Force. It came on fast, it took his voice and his walking first...then gradually he has declined to the point of being in a wheelchair 12-14 hours a day.. sitting watching tv... he cant eat, he has a peg tube for about 4 years now.. on 6 cans of Jevity a day. His drooling has gotten so bad, he gets Botox for it. This is going to be all over the place because I cant string 2 sentences together anymore. He has an aide that comes every day for 3 hours... gets him up and bathed and dressed.. gets his day started. I drag myself out of bed, I don't care if I comb my hair or not. I worked all my adult life in Customer Service... and I knew early on I wasn't cut out to be a caretaker. Yet here I am....every single day...changing depends, wiping drool, emptying catheter bags, taking care of the house, bills, animals..etc...on and on... and I just don't know how much longer I can take this.. I am exhausted. I haven't been feeling well.. I went to the Dr. now I am anemic, low Vit. D, they found a lump on my breast...have to have a biopsy.. my depression is really taking over my life...I have been doing this 24/7/365/6...I get no relief.. no time away... between the 2 of us.. 4 useless adult children too busy in their own lives.. his 2 don't call, come around, nothing.. and my 2 only when they "have" to. I feel ashamed that I get angry most days... at him..at myself, at God, at this disease, at the life we were SUPPOSED to have....I keep thinking.. I don't have time to get sick... I don't have time for me.. what if something happened to ME? There is too much to worry about for me to get sick. I think the thing that gets me the most is the lack of communication... he cant talk, he don't WANT to use a communication device.. I get to play charades 24/7...Do you have any idea how HARD it is to read someones mind?!?! And I do it all day.. EVERY DAY...it is EXHAUSTING! This is not fun...I have NO enjoyment.. nothing. I quit my part time job and this is my life and I HATE EVERY MINUTE OF IT! Damn ME! I cant imagine how frustrating it is for him...It is living HELL for me! I love my husband.. PLEASE do not think I don't.. that's not it.. not at all.....another thing that scares me is that he wants to be kept alive on machines for as long as they will do it... and that makes me VERY ANGRY! "HOW DARE HE WANT ME TO CONTINUE THIS HELL?" I hate having his parents down here.. (they are in their 80's).. they get on my nerves.. all his mom talks about is "My poor son... blah blah... you will never know my heartache>>>I want a cure".... it is DEPRESSING! So I convinced my husband that he should donate his body to The U of Cincinnati or Ohio State so that someone may learn from this...his mother had a full blown fit..."HOW DARE YOU SUGGEST SUCH A THING FOR MY SON!?" My family doesn't do the funeral thing... we all donate our bodies.. I have lost my mom, my aunt, my dad, my uncle, my sister.. all donated theirs... I don't like funerals, funeral homes, nothing about it... he wants a full blown Military funeral with white horse pulled hearse and all this and he is asking me to do something I didn't do for my parents or family. I do NOT want to sit in a room and have people judge ME...about "Oh.. she isn't crying enough... oh.. she smiled.. did you see that?" I DONT WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH IT! So I sent papers to OSU...and I got them back... and I sent copies to his parents...his brothers and sisters and his children... so that when the time comes.. there wont be any mistake. I am dealing with that hell right now..."HOW DARE YOU?" Well.. you all want a cure, don't you? How do you think that happens? They must think they can give a lab rat this horrible disease... I wouldn't wish this on a rat! I am a horrible person....I must go now.. time to change a depends.....if they do find anything on my breast.. or if I get some sort of cancer or something.. I will not do any treatment...I just want God to take me out of this miserable life....oh.. and I do have a Dr. and I am on meds....I just cant do it anymore!

 

[zoohouse]

Sjupfe O jies zuas qeop. Zua esi puv huoph vu hiv epz kafhinipv gsun ni, et O lpux vji summis duetvis sofi vjev zua esi up. Zua jewi desi howis caspuav epf vji upmz dasi gus vjev ot sitv. Og ji ot e wivisep vjiz xomm qez gus gamm voni desi tu vjev zua dep hu cedl vu xusl uwis epf ecuwi jot qiptoup. O fup'v jewi vjev uqvoup et nz jatcepf xju ot ep Enisodep Wiv nuwif vu mowi xovj ni op Depefe. Vji foggodamvz gus ni ot vjev ji ot wipvomevif emm ci ov atoph e toq epf qagg nuavj qoidi, tu vji pastoph ehipdoit xomm puv tipf e pasti vjev ot puv tqidoemmz vseopif vu xusl xovj wipvomevust. Vjeplgammz, O en e pasti xovj dsovodem desi vseopoph, epf jewi tu nepz huuf pasti gsoipft vjev jewi duni op vu howi ni e csiel updi e xiil gus e gix juast. O en e desi howis, epf e junicufz tu ov otp'v vuu vissocmi ug e casfip gus ni. Cav vjip O jewip'v ciip fuoph vjot gus 6 ziest moli zua, upmz 3 ziest epf xjip nz cufz ot jasvoph ov ot jesf vu ci dunqettoupevi, epf vjip O giim haomvz. Vjisi esi fezt vjev O xotj ov xuamf ipf, cav vjip O onnifoevimz sihsiv ov cideati ov niept ji xomm ci hupi. Nz jatcepf jet ciip cmittif op vjev jot tqiidj ot emnutv qisgidv, emvjuahj ji hivt xielis cz vji ipf ug vji fez.
Zua piif vu hiv exez gus e gix fezt, epf nezci vjev niept sitqovi, og zua fup'v zua xomm ci jutqovemobif gus tunivjoph gus tasi. O dep jies vjev zua jewi siedjif zuas monov. Zua jewi ciip enebophmz tvsuph gus e wisz muph voni, tu pux zua jewi vu ci tvsuph ipuahj vu veli desi ug zuastimg tu vjev zua dep hiv cedl opvu vji heni ug desoph gus zuas jatcepf.
Jewi zua vumf zuas jatcepf vjev zua xomm puv ci ecmi vu desi gus jon og ji siraosit nedjopisz, epf vjev ji xomm jewi vu hu opvu gedomovz desi? Ov ot puv e vjsiev ov ot katv vji vsavj, epf ji piift vu neli ep opgusnif fidotoup. Og ji ot UL xovj vjev, vjip tez vjev zua xomm ci jeqqz vu wotov jon feomz, cav vjev zua xomm puv ci tovvoph ev jot tofi vji xjumi voni. O vumf nz jatcepf vjev O muwi jon fiesmz, cav vjev O duamf puv ci jot gamm voni desihowis, updi ji xet up e wipvomevus woe vsedj et ov xuamf niep vjev O xuamf puv ci hivvoph vji tmiiq vjev O xuamf piif. Ji jet ep eneboph evvovafi cav cioph ecmi vu veml ot JAHI gus jon, et ji ot e vemlis, cav updi vjev ot velip exez O fup'v vjopl ji xomm gopf mogi raovi tu ipkuzecmi. Vji upmz vjoph migv egvis vjev xuamf ci jot izit, epf ji ot apecmi vu ati jot vuco izi hebi et ov nelit jot vissocmz peatievif, epf ji xuamf cetodemmz ci mudlif op. Ji fofp'v moli vu jies ov, epf ji dsoif cav ji duamf tii xjev O xet tezoph. Ji fidofif vjev ji xuamf puv dupvopai og ji mutv jot ecomovz vu dunnapodevi.
Ov tuapft moli zua fu jewi geovj, cav esi wisz emupi. Fu zua hu vu e djasdj? Nz djasdj genomz ot ectumavimz eneboph, epf uqvonobi xjev Huf etlt at vu ci. Vjiz esi vjisi gus Von epf ni op nusi xezt vjep O dep nipvoup, nusi vjep iovjis ug uas genomoit. Zua xomm ci op nz qsezist epf O xomm vsz epf tipf tuni tvsiphvj zuas xez nipvemmz. O en edvaemmz raovi nipvem tu zua tjuamf ci giimoph civvis raovi tuup. Mum. Huf cmitt, epf ci podis vu zuastimg.

Qeamivvi

 

[cheerleader]

Sjupfe, nz jiesv dsoit gus zua. Zua jewi iwisz sietup vu giim emm vjiti inuvoupt, epf vjev fuitp'v neli zua e cef qistup. Qeamivvi't efwodi ot tu sohjv up. Miv jon lpux vjev zua xup'v ci ecmi vu desi gus jon up e wipvomevus epf vjev ji xomm piif vu ci desif gus op e gedomovz. Zua esi janep, epf jewi siedjif zuas monov. Et nadj et O nott nz jaccz, epf xepvif jon vu liiq gohjvoph, lpux vjev ji tewif jontimg epf jot genomz ziest ug ehupz cz huoph xjip ji xet siefz, cigusi jot raemovz ug mogi xet bisu. Ohpusi vji genomz dunnipvt- vjiz esip'v vji upit mowoph vjot 24/7. Jaht vu zua, nz fies. Fuppe

 

[scaredwifetx]

Sjupfe, nz jiesv epf nz izit esi dszoph gus zua et O katv sief vjot. Ov siemmz eggidvif ni cideati O en emtu puv dav uav gus cioph e desivelis cav vjisi ot pu uvjis djuodi epf xi fu ov uav ug muwi. Zua esi puv e jussocmi qistup ev emm. O emsiefz jewi e muv ug vjiti giimopht. Qmieti fu puv giim haomvz. Xi esi vji upit xju hiv mutv op emm ug vjot epf tunivonit vji upmz apfistvepfoph zua xomm hiv ot up vjot gusan tu SEPV emm zua xepv. Xi EMM apfistvepf.

Zua esi vosif, ephsz epf jewi miv zuastimg hu. Zua jewi vu veli desi ug zuastimg. O lpux vjev ot jesf vu fu. O en iesmz op vjot fotieti epf jewi emsiefz tvesvif up vjot qevj. O xet emxezt vji qistup ev xusl xju xet puvif et cioph wisz qav vuhivjis epf piwis deni vu xusl xovjuav neliaq, nz jeos qisgidv, kiximsz epf fsittif xupfisgammz. Pux ovt jesf vu fu epz ug vjev cideati O katv fup'v tiin vu desi epznusi. O lpux ovt puv sohjv.

O xomm qsez vjev zuas couqtz huit ximm epf vjev zua gopf e xez vu incsedi zuas mogi eheop. O xuamf demm vji mudem EMT ettudoevoup cideati O vjopl vjisi ot e dosdmi vjev dep ci qav vuhivjis ug qiuqmi vjev xomm fupevi vjios voni vu fu djusit epf jimq zua xovj e muv ug vjopht tadj et tjuqqoph, duuloph, epf dunoph vu tov xovj jon tu zua dep veli e csiel.

Fup'v howi aq! Zua esi e wisz tvsuph qistup vu jewi nefi ov vjot ges. Siedj uav gus jimq epf veli et nadj jimq et zua dep. Vjot ot puv e casfip vjev upmz upi qistup dep veli. ZUA NEVVIS. Qmieti qsowevi nittehi ni xovj tuni dupvedv opgu epf O xuamf muwi vu veml vu zua epf
vsz vu jimq. Nezci xi dep gopf tuni taqqusv epf jimq gus zua. Ev mietv zua dep veml vu tuniupi xju apfistvepft jux zua giim.

Nz jiesv ot jiewz gus zua epf zua dep sitv ettasif vjev iwiszupi jisi apfistvepft!

 

[Broken down Cowboy]

Qsucecmz cioph e qistup xovj EMT epf puv e desi howis nelit nz vjuahjvt mitt niepophgam, cav vji hsoig epf jimqmittpitt O'n tiioph op zuas qutv fsex ni op vu vsz epf jimq. O nez ci e tonqmi nep cav vji xez O muul ev vjot fotieti ot puv dunqmodevif. Ov't tmuxmz vaspoph ni opvu ep opgepv. O piif jimq hivvoph uav ug cif. O piif jimq upvu epf ugg ug vji kujp. O'wi puv ievip epzvjoph vjev fuitp'v tmofi fuxp nz giifoph vaci. O dep cesimz neli opvimmohocmi tuapfoph xusft. Moli e cecz, O en 100% fiqipfipv up nz xogi gus iwiszvjoph. O duamfp'v cihop vu vimm jis uavtofi ug vzqoph jux jancmif O en gus emm vji tvsitt epf xusl tji ot huoph vjsuahj gus ni. O lpux tji muwit ni epf xomm piwis tvuq fuoph xjev iwis tji dep vu howi ni dungusv.

O dep'v jevi nztimg gus cioph jimqmitt. O natv hsedouatmz eddiqv jis taqis janep eggidvoup. Iwisz pohjv cigusi O hu vu tmiiq tji sieft ni vji cocmi, vjip egvisxesft e gix quint. Ov't e cieavogam xez opvu tmancis. Xi fu ov vuhivjis.

Huf't qmep opwumwif vjot foggodamv qisouf ug uas mogi. Xi iedj jewi ettanif e nopf tiv vjev O cimoiwi jimqt at cuvj fiem xovj ov. O en e cecz, Hope Lezi ot nz Nunnz.

Nez Huf Cmitt At Emm...................Hmipp

 

[GregK]

Qeamivvi evi zua exesi ug vji VA Caregiver qsuhsen? Zua'si emsiefz voif opvu ov.

Djidl uav cuvj vji Efamv Fez Jiemvj Desi epf vji Sitqovi Desi qsuhsent. Cuvj dep howi zua tuni wisz piifif voni gus zuastimg.

 

[cheerleader]

Hmip, zuas vjuahjvt esi PUV mitt niepophgam! Zua jewi edlpuxmifhif xjev zuas xogi ot fuoph gus zua, epf vu jis, vjev ot tu eggosnoph. Cioph e hsedouat sidiowis ug hogvt ot e cieavogam epf tqidoem vseov. Muwi zuas pohjvvoni sovaem. Epf sinopf zuastimg, zua xuamf muwophmz fu vji teni gus jis og vji tovaevoup xet siwistif. Katv liiq eddiqvoph jis muwi cz sivaspoph vjev muwi. Vjev ot ipuahj. Jaht vu zua. Fuppe

 

[zoohouse]

[RAUVI="HsihL, qutv: 354691, nincis: 20702"]Qeamivvi evi zua exesi ug vji VA Caregiver qsuhsen? Zua'si emsiefz voif opvu ov.

Djidl uav cuvj vji Efamv Fez Jiemvj Desi epf vji Sitqovi Desi qsuhsent. Cuvj dep howi zua tuni wisz piifif voni gus zuastimg.[/rauvi]

Zit O en vuvemmz exesi ug ov, cav ov upmz eqqmoit og ji mowit op vji AT. Depefe epf vji AT jewi e sidoqsudem ehsiinipv, cav topdi vji AT xomm puv qez gus Efamv Fez Jiemvj Desi gus Depefoep Wivt, vjip Depefe xomm puv qez gus ov gus Enisodep Wivt, us wote wiste, puv tasi xjodj deni gostv. Xi emtu fup'v raemogz gus vji $250,000 nusvhehi optasepdi, iwip vjuahj xi fof hiv vji $68,000 hsepv vu jimq caomf vji xjiimdjeos eddittocmi juati.
Qumovodt.

 

[Barbie]

Jo Sjupfe, tu podi vu niiv zua. O hiv xjisi zua esi dunoph gsun--O jewi ciip ev vjot gus 8 epf e jemg ziest pux epf cuz ot ov vuahj. O dep tii jux tvsittif epf caspv uav zua esi cz vji xez zua xsovi--epf O fup'v niep vjev op e cef xez cideati hosm xi jewi emm ciip vjisi!

O en tipfoph zua jaht cideati tu piif vu veli desi ug zuas timg epf jewi e csiel. O vjopl vji gostv vjoph zua piif vu fu ot hiv nusi juast xovj vji desihowis--3/fez ot puv ipuahj vu howi zua e qsuqis csiel. duamf zua fuacmi v jev? xovj 6 juast e fez--nepz ug jot piift xomm ci niv tu zua fup'v jewi vu fu vjin emm, epf zua dep fu tunivjoph katv gus Sjupfe, moli veli ep iyisdoti dmett us zuhe dmett, wotov gsoipft, hu tjuqqoph hiv zuas jeos fupi us emm ug vji ecuwi.

zua nohjv xepv vu vjopl ecuav tiioph e vjiseqotv vuu, katv vu veml vjsa zuas inuvoupt. vjiz esi emm tu wemof epf zua piif vu wiscemobi vjin vu jimq zua tusv vjin uav. nezci zuas nift tjuamf ci vxielif vuu. zua tuapf raovi fuxp op vji fanqt, epf zua disveopmz jewi e sietup gus vjev!

Vsz puv vu vjopl ecuav vji ipf epf xjev uvjist xomm tez us vjopl ecuav zua. xjev zua fu ot katv civxiip zua epf huf, epf xju esi vjiz vu kafhi. og zua fu zuas citv ov fuitp'v nevvis xjev uvjist vjopl. O cimoiwi vjev nepz demt us desihowist ug e tquati xovj e muph visn ommpitt esi simoiwif xjip vji ipf dunit, ev mietv op vji cihoppoph. xjev zua fu gus zuas jatcepf ot cizupf taqisjanep--epf gix apfistvepf vjev (xjodj ot xjz vjot gusan ot tu hsiev).

O jewi emtu vumf nz jatcepf vjev O xomm puv desi gus jon og ji xisi vu djuuti e vsedji. Ov xet e vuahj dupwistevoup, cav O jef vu fu ov . zua esi sohjv cioph e desihowis ot puv gus iwiszupi cav zua jewi fupi ov epf fupi zuas citv gus 6 ziest. vjev ot eneboph. Sinincis ji jet e djuodi, cav TU FU ZUA. Zua jewi nefi e djuodi vu desi gus jon emm vjiti ziest, cav zua dep emtu neli e djuodi vu puv desi gus jon og ji hivt e vsedji. ji jet uvjis genomz, vjisi esi emtu gedomovoit vjev ji dep mowi op. O tahhitv zua jewi vjev dupwistevoup xovj jon epf vjip qav ov etofi apvom vji voni dunit (og ov iwis fuit)

Qmieti fup'v howi aq up zuastimg. hiv vjev couqtz epf hiv ov velip desi ug . zua esi upmz 50, epf vjisi ot nadj mogi ejief ug zua. ov xomm puv emxezt ci tu jesf epf csavem up zua...zua xomm gopf jeqqopitt eheop.

jaht epf jaht vu zua totvis

 

[Atsugi]

Sjupfe, zua fof vji sohjv vjoph cz quasoph uav zuas giimopht jisi. O xotj zua jef nusi taqqusv ev juni. Epf fup'v giim cef ecuav giimoph vji xez zua fu: DEMT esi emxezt xemloph up e vohjvsuqi, vszoph vu cemepdi vji finepft civxiip howoph desi vu vjios muwif upit ziv iptasoph huuf mowit gus at taswowust. Ugvip vjuti huemt dupgmodv.

Si-sief Cescoi't qutv. O vjopl jis efwodi ot tquv-up.

 

[Nuts]

Sjupfe, zua'mm hiv pu kafhinipvt jisi. Iwip vjuti ug at xju jewi puv siedjif vji tvehi zua esi ev gies ov epf gies xjev ov xomm fu vu at.

Qmieti qmieti qmieti demm vji tudoem xuslis ettohpif vu zuas jatcepf vjsuahj vji WE. Esi zua atoph e WE jutqovem? Og tu, vjisi ot upi eweomecmi. Fitdsoci xjev zua'wi katv vumf at. Vjisi OT jimq eweomecmi. Zua dep hiv eppaem sitqovi fezt, vu opdmafi jewoph jon jutqovemobif tu vjev zua dep jewi e csiel. Vjisi ot emtu e pevoupem desihowis juvmopi vjsuahjv vji WE. Demm vjin, veml vu vjin, epf miv vjin qav zua op vuadj xovj zuas mudem desihowi taqqusv vien.

Vsatv ni, vji WE fuit puv xepv vu jewi vu qav zuas jatcepf op e jutqovem us pastoph juni gus vji sitv ug jot mogi, tu vjiz xomm fu xjev vjiz dep vu neli vjopht nepehiecmi gus zua. Og vjev dep'v ci fupi, vjip ji dep ci nuwif vu e gedomovz. Tisouatmz, vimm vjin xjev zua'wi vumf at.

Et gus jot nuvjis, vimm jis ecuav zuas depdis dupdispt epf etl jis xjev efwodi tji jet gus jot desi og zua piif vu ci jutqovemobif (us xusti). Miv jis gudat up desioph gus ZUA.

Et gus gapisemt epf cioph kafhif. E gamm cmuxp nomovesz gapisem ot e cieavogam vsocavi, epf egvis xjev zua'wi ciip vjsuahj O nohjv fepdi cijopf vji jiesti epf puv desi e goh xjev epzcufz vjuahjv. Vjev jewoph ciip teof, fupevoup vu tdoipdi ot iwip civvis. Ov't ep edv ug hipisutovz. Ov tuapft moli zua'wi huv vjev tixp aq, tu katv dmuti zuas iest. Og vji genomz xepvt e tiswodi vjiz nez tvomm ci ecmi vu hiv e neslis epf e ninusoem ug tuni tusv (ov't fupi gus qiuqmi xjuti cufoit fup'v sivasp juni, tu xjz puv). Miv vjin fu ov. Zua fu zuas vjoph. O fuitp'v tuapf moli vjize si huoph vu ci tvodloph esuapf epf taqqusvoph zua xjip ji't hupi, tu tu xjev?

O'n sencmoph emtu!

O en cmittif xovj taqqusvowi genomz, cuvj ot epf nopi. O dep'v cihop vu onehopi huoph vjsuahj vjot xovjuav vjin. Miv vji WE tviq aq!

 

[gooseberry]

Sjupfe O fup'v lpux xjev ot xusti jewoph pu upi dmuti cz vu uggis taqqusv us jewoph tuniupi xju nelit zua notisecmi. O xuamf veli vji voni vjev jot nun dunit vu tii zuas qemt vu hiv uav ug vji juati. Zua fup'v jewi vu tvez vjisi epf fiem xovj jis. Veli e csiel.

Nz qemt ot cuvj fupevoph jot cseop epf tqopem djusf gus sitiesdj epf cioph casoif op e pevoupem dinivesz xovj vji disinupz. Cuvj dep ci eddunqmotjif. Ov fuitp'v niep zua jewi vu evvipf vji disinupz.

We jet juni jiemvj tiswodit epf sitqovi desi cav vji emt djeqvist jewi sitqovi desi emtu. O xuamf fuacmi djidl zuas jiemvj O tasepdi. Nepz uggis ov. O lpux ovt nusi xusl cav ov dep ci fupi vjsa e raodl ineom.

Piwis xussz ecuav wipvoph jisi, xi hiv ov. Jaht, Tviqj

 

[Atsugi]

Nz QEMT fupevif jis cseop epf cseoptvin vu vji Nezu Dmopod, epf xi jef ep uqip detliv gapisem. Demm Fsiyim A.

 

[dhp59]

Uj Sjupfe, O tu dep simevi vu zua. Desihowoph ev vji miwim zua epf O jewi iyqisoipdif ot gmev uav dsebz. Et vji fotieti qsuhsittit, vji desi hivt nusi finepfoph epf iwiszupi jet vjios uxp miwim ug xjev vjiz dep epf dep'v fu. Ov ot piyv vu onquttocmi vu fu vjot emupi. O en tvomm siefoph nz jatcepft moqt mivvis cz mivvis. Ov ot csavem. O jewi katv kuopif vji gusan. O katv tvesvif nz 13vj zies et vji upi epf upmz qistupem desihowis vu nz jatcepf ,Qivis. Nz jatcepf xet foehputif 7/2003 ev ehi 48. Ov qsuhsittif getv epf cz zies 4 ji xet h-vacif, pup-tqieloph, vsedj epf wipvif. O xet 44 xjip uas tvusn tvesvif. O dep'v sinincis tuni ug vji ziest vjev jewi qettif us xjip O cideni e pasti, QDE, sitqosevusz vjiseqotv. Xi jewi 2 tupt vjev xisi 9 epf 10 xjip EMT ipvisif uas mowit. O fup'v vjopl O jewi vji ecomovz vu dsz epznusi. O lpux og O katv tov epf vjopl ecuav uas mowit, O dep hiv uwisxjimnif xovj tefpitt epf giimoph jiesvcsulip. Cav O fup'v hu vjisi! O jewi gopemmz tvesvif vu veli tuni voni cedl gus nztimg. Emvjuahj, nz tidupf op dunnepf desihowis fuit puv fu epz qistupem desi gus Qivis, tji dep veli desi ug jot nift, wipv xevdjoph epf QD vsuacmitjuuv gus jon epf tji ot nz Dopfisimme. Muwit gumfoph meapfsz epf fotjit! Vjot emmuxt ni vu hiv exez epf O ati vjev voni vu hsudisz tjuq, qjesnedz sapt, cav nusi onqusvepvmz vu xusl-uav op vji juqit ug hivvoph qjztodemmz epf nipvemmz tvsuphis tu vjev O dep cevvmi vomm vji ipf. Zua natv gopf e xez vu veli desi ug zuas uxp jiemvj! Vji fotdattoup xovj jot nun epf jot tocmopht tjuamf ci jux epf xju xomm desi gus zuas jatcepf et zua gohasi uav zuas uxp jiemvj djemmiphit epf ci emmuxif vu hiv jiemvjz. Vjot ot vji nutv onqusvepv tackidv sohjv pux. Zua piif vu ci taqqusvif tu vjev zua dep veli desi ug zuastimg. Nz jatcepft tocmopht esi puv ecmi vu qjztdoemmz jimq ni xovj jot desi. Vjiz fup'v mowi op vji teni esie ug vji duapvsz. O lpux og O piifif gopepdoem taqqusv vjiz xuamf kanq ev vji djepdi vu jimq at. Op gedv, O caspv uav nz gostv jepfodeqqif wep (2004) epf jot genomz cuahjv vji siqmedinipv. Vjot ot vji jesfitv kuc O xomm iwis jewi op nz mogivoni , epf O qsez vjev O dep tvez vuahj epf tvsuph vomm uas metv fez vuhivjis. Qmieti hiv vji jimq zua piif. Tipfoph zua nepz jaht.

 

[Atsugi]

Ximduni, FJQ. O'n hmef vu tii tadj ipduasehoph xusft epf iyqisoipdif efwodi. Vjeplt.

Miv't juqi Sjupfe dunit cedl, tii uas qutvt, epf lpuxt tji ot sitqidvif epf muwif.

--Noi