Should a person sell their house?

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Lorraine Parry

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Jul 23, 2008
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Loved one DX
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06/2008
Country
ca
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bc
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nanaimo
My sister's husband is newly diagonased with ALS. She immediately said that if he is going to be disabled she should sell her house as all the bedrooms are upstairs. She does not have much money to do a reno. I can't help thinking that this may be a bad move because her house is not paid for but life insured and if he passes away it will be paid for.

I love my brother in law and I would find it awkward to bring this up. In fact I feel so badly for him I do not know wha t to say.

Please give me some insights.
 

duplinwino

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I'm very sorry about your brother-in-law Lorraine. My husband and I went back and forth on this for the longest time, at least a year, as all of our bedrooms and full baths are upstairs. BUT, we love this neighborhood, we have a nine year old daughter and we love her school, our neighbors are wonderful and I love this house. The housing market here also skyrocketed since we bought this place six years ago and we probably couldn't even afford to move, though there were no ranches/suitable houses available in this area.

There are a lot of things to think about. Can they redo their bathroom to accommodate him? Widen doors and put in a lift to get him upstairs? Have an engineer come in and see what they can do with their house to make it accessible? (We had this arranged thru Independent Living). We ultimately decided to add a bedroom and bath downstairs, but it would never be possible without the help of friends and community, raising money and pitching in - which your sister will probably find, there will be an outpouring of help and support around her. She just has to ask for it.

Just some thoughts. Good luck to them.
 

Markbreton

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Ontario
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Smiths Falls
We did something similar. Stair lifts were installed, extra bathroom and bedroom etc. It's not perfect but managable. We also felt that this was our "HOME". All our children relate to it, our dogs and so on. However, each situation is uniquely different and there are a lot of factors that need to be considered. Weigh out all your options carefully and do nothing on impulse.
Good luck and take care!
Mark
 

Lorraine Parry

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Jul 23, 2008
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Loved one DX
Diagnosis
06/2008
Country
ca
State
bc
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nanaimo
Thank you so much for your answer. I think that financial is a big factor with them They are looking at going into a house with assisted living. my brother in law has expressed a wish to live nearer to his grandchildren. It is so sad!

I hate ALS! Give me some ideas of how we can be helpful. What did you appreciate when you were first diagonased. Did you want to talk about ir? Wht did you want people to say or do?
 

Icanmanz

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Uni
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Texas
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Tomball
Am keeping you and your family in my prayers.

Irma
 

givenin

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b.c.
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salmon arm
Hi Lorraine

My husband and I were in the same boat. We tried to find a home that would be adaptable durring his time and something I could manage on my own after and could not find anything we could afford where we live and were not about to move our girls away from their support. We renovated our groundfloorarea for him. Basically widened doorways, opened up the shower to wheel in a chair and put our bed down there. We were able to do so with the bank with guarantee of the life insurance payout after.

Your sister should be able to get info from the ALS cordinator about grants and such for disabiltys reno as well as the society has an amazing amount of equipment to help as well as the Red Cross. Markbreton is right no rash decisions our Occupational Therapist came to our home and evaluated what would work and what would not from chair lifts to the bathroom.

As for what you can do? just be there for them and you might need to buffer them from some well meaning but really out of line do gooders. There are really good sites to be on , this is one of them another is Patients Like Me that are full of support and info.

Hope this helps some.
 

BethU

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Joined
May 11, 2008
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2,644
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05/2008
Country
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City
Los Angeles
Hi, Lorraine ...

Give me some ideas of how we can be helpful. What did you appreciate when you were first diagonased. Did you want to talk about ir? Wht did you want people to say or do?

When I was first diagnosed, I really wanted to be alone to process it. I felt so vulnerable; people wanted to come over and "distract" me, and I knew I would burst into sobs as soon as I saw any relatives. I wanted to at least let the shock wear off before I had to deal with people in person and make small talk.

It took me about two weeks to get out of that stage. E-mail communications were great ... they really helped. Once I was under control, I loved seeing people ...

BethU
 

patricia1

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Sep 18, 2006
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newjersey
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lopatcong NJ
I sold my home last march and it was a hard decision to make, but now that I am worse I am so happy I did. I would have been a prisioner in my own home with all those stairs. we couldn t find a ranch to buy but found one to rent.

Pa t
 

sharonca

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12/2007
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Mentone
You didn't say the age of your sister and brother-in-law. I have found that assisted living for help with the pALS and some security for the caregiver is a good solution for some. Has your sister looked into an accelerated payment on life insurance? That is what saved the day for me. My house is one story but I needed to add ramps, widen doors, and renovate a bathroom. All done and I have quite a bit of money to spare. Now I am looking at wheelchair accessible vans.

There is also the reverse mortgage if they have that in Canada. I am not quite old enough for that (62) but plan to use that as a way to pay for caregivers when vented.

As far as what you can do for them - I would ask? Do you want company, do you want to talk, do you want me to do research for you? Tell them you have been researching the subject and if they want the info you will be happy to talk with them. Depending on what the onset is your sister might need help with the caregiving aspects if your brother-in-law is too large for her to manage. I have a friend who just looks for clues from me (without me knowing it) and just jumps in and helps. Like getting my walker or chair without asking for me - no big deal. Or seeing that a water bottle is empty and getting another one. She is amazing because she helps without making it a big deal. My friends take turns coming everyday M-F and making sure I'm OK. I'm blessed.

Also just telling them how much you love them and that you WILL be there for them is a great anxiety lifter.

Sharonca
 

sisgldnhr

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Messages
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Reason
CALS
Diagnosis
03/2008
Country
US
State
OHio
City
NW
sell house?

I've wondered the same thing. My husband dearly loves this house, we've been in it since 1979 and he has done so much work on it. Stripped all the woodwork and put a fresh coat of poly over it. It took him a couple years to do it! It is a 4 story (counting attic, basement) sixteen room monster. This house has only had 2 other families live in it. It was built as a wedding present to one of our communities founding fathers daughter.
Since Don's DX... I have made our downstairs office/computer room into a bedroom. He still sleeps upstairs and showers upstairs. I have thought of adding a shower to our half bath thats on the main floor.
We owe on a home equity loan that we took out several years ago but there is life insurance on the balance due.

Don wants to stay here, he would never consider selling. And in this market, who would buy it?
I have no idea how we'll pay for any renovations that need to be done but I guess we'll cross that bridge when we get to it. Hopefully by the time he needs it, the VA will have approved his disability and there will be funds available then.

I have thought long and hard about what I will do with this house when I'm the only one in it. Considered closing off the top 2 floors and just living on the main floor. I've also thought about moving my business here. It would save me about $1400.00 a month in overhead. Thats a substantial savings every month!

I pray for guidance nightly.........Sis
 
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