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troy

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PALS
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I am sorry if I have asked the stupid question on Lung Cancer/ALS earlier. I just wonder if there are any worse disease than this damn ALS.

I am recently diagnosed and is really devastated. I fear the unforgiving aspect of the disease. As it is, they are progressing on all fronts like a freight train.

But I have an additional psychological hurdle that makes it harder for me. Due to my carelessness and a slight lapse of concentration, I slipped and banged my head real bad. No concussion but I knew instantly something bad happened. My symptoms began just 2 weeks after that incident. Through discussion with my neuro, and through what I have researched, I am very sure that the CNS injury that I had was the trigger of my ALS.

Friends of the forum, I just couldn't forgive myself. My life was perfect just a couple of months ago. But through a careless incident which I am to take blame, my whole life changed in an instant. Why am I being punished so dearly with such a small mistake, such that I have to pay by torture till crippled and death? I mean, there are many more bad bad and ugly blunders that others have commited, but most escaped with just small health problems or even just financial loss. I really would have prefered that ALS has striked me at random without any fault on my own. I just couldn't get over this and it is a double blow to me. How I wished and dream every night that I could just turn the clock back to that instance and avert the fall. By the way, the fall was not any initial sign of weakness, as I was 100% fit. It was caused by a wet floor.

Tell me, how can I overcome this? What curse is cast on me such that I have to die slowly being crippled and finally death and knowing that I have caused all these to myself?

Sorry for the rambling...
 

janf

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tift
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ga
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tifton
Troy Don't Blame Youself I Too Have Als That Could Of Been Caused From One Of My Falls Just Being Stubborn, Putting Up Christmas Decorations Or Riding My Bike In The Pitch Of Night. I Don't Understand Either But You Are Not To Blame . We Will Get Through This Together Ok Jan
 

Al

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Hi Troy. I really have my doubts about whether a fall could cause your ALS so quickly. There are many people here that have suffered some form of trauma but I don't recall anyone having symptoms so quickly. I hate to disagree with a Doctor but I think this guy is wrong. Don't blame yourself. It's not your fault.
AL.
 

quadbliss

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Dec 12, 2006
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PALS
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Benicia
Hi Troy,

First let me say that no one knows what causes ALS. If your doctor told you your fall caused your ALS, you should think about seeing someone who specializes in the disease. Seek out an ALS clinic.

Second, guilt is a paralyzing emotion. It is just as harmful as anger, greed, or jealousy. It is certainly not your fault you got this disease. Bad things often happen to good people. It looks pretty random from where I sit.

Finally, you will have to grieve for a while. Everybody goes through this stage after diagnosis. When you finally grow to accept your circumstances, know that it doesn't have to be a miserable downward spiral. Many people live full, satisfying lives with ALS. I personally, have found a way to grow from this experience. I still enjoy life. This is not how everyone responds to ALS, but I want you to know it is possible if you look for the positive. You have a choice.

Mike
http://quadbliss.com/
 

Peg B

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Hi Troy,

I fell many times after my finger started to curl in 2002. I thought I jamed it playing vollyball. Later I was taking Tae kwon Do at age of 51 and tore two maniscus in my knee - sparing with a young woman. (I won :-D and made in to a 1/2 blue belt) A few months later I fell on black ice off a porch and then my leg went numb a month later. This is all part of the same package and who knows - in 2003 I went to two neurologists who said my curling finger was a pinched nerve and not ALS or MS as I suggested . By 2006 I could not move my finger at all and got the first DX of ALS, which is not even a final DX. I may have MMN. I caused none of this and neither did you. Again I would venture to say humans like to think we have control over our lives but we only do to an extent. Taking blame for this makes it sound like you have more control than you really do. As others have said, see another doctor and count the blessings you have. You are not at fault. Sincerely, Peg
 

brooksea

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troy,

Please don't beat yourself up with this idea that a fall caused your ALS. If we really knew that trauma to the CNS was the cause, then researchers would have something to reverse engineer and the cure would have been found by now. IMHO

As Al pointed out, symptoms coming on that fast just doesn't sound right. Are you seeing an ALS specialist?
 

hope

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Oct 1, 2005
Messages
230
Troy,

I am sorry that you have ALS. It is a devastating illness and it hurts. I believe no question is stupid, at the time this is how you were feeling and you asked the question. You were probably going through many emotions at the time and this site here is a place where one can express how they feel. We may not all agree on what someone else says but we have to respect that we are all different and it is okay.

I do not think it is your fault that you got this disease. No one knows what causes this illness. Your fall may not have had anything to do with this. I know I have asked myself many times over and over what causes this. There are no answers, but some day hopefully they will know what does and find a cure which we all want so desperately. It is truly heartbreaking to be in this. I have watched what this disease can do and there are no words to describe the pain my loved one is in. We hold each other close, we hold on to the hope of a cure. Yes cancer is a very devastating illness as well, all diseases that change one's life can be very painful to live with. The one thing we do know about cancer is there is a hope and there is a possibility for some to be cured but with the als we do not see the rainbows that we need to see. I hope I have helped you a little bit today, we all asked questions, we are human.

hope.
 

MtPockets

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Joined
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PALS
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Ms
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Troy, even the most gifted scientists in the world do not know what causes ALS. You are wrong to make this assumption and blame yourself. ALL of us who have a diagnosed of ALS go through mixed emotions for a period of time, this is normal for the process. ALL of us look for reasons,
WHY?
WHY ME?
What did I do to deserve this?

Understand, you are not along. We are here to help you along the way. And to answer any questions you may have to help support and encourage you in any way possible.

God Bless
Capt AL
 

hboyajian

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Troy, It may be that the initial symptoms of ALS, not noticeable to you, began before you fell, and that your instability was really the beginning of the disease, which resulted in the fall, rather than the other way around. In any event, neither ALS nor the accident were your fault. Feelings of distress are totally understandable, but try to take a deep breath, let them flow through you, and be kind to yourself. Holly
 

paula-jane

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Lost a loved one
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CA
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Ontario
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Oakville
Troy...
I'm so sorry to hear that you have to go through this.. ALS is the worst disease I have seen. I try to help my mum (Diagnosed 03/07) see that no matter how bad we think we have it.. that somewhere out there.. someone else has it worse. It would appear to some on this forum that their signs of mnd seemed to be obvious after a trauma... who knows what triggers some forms of ALS.. who knows why.. or how. All we can do is live and love one day at a time. It will take some time to come to terms with your diagnosis. There will be periods of grief and you may never get the answers to your questions. There will be bad days and believe it or not.. there will also be really great days. Try to stop beating yourself up over your slip on the floor.. that part is over and done with. We can't change our path.. but, we can try to make the most out of everyday. I have an incredible issue with guilt.. I would feel guilty for everything, even if I had nothing to do with the situation.. I have learned over my mum's 9 month struggle with ALS that guilt is pretty useless.. ALS is crippling enough.. there isn't room for both.. so guilt has to take the back seat. When I do struggle with my guilt and my mum's illness.. friends and family are quick to remind me that: There will never, ever be enough I can do for my mum and therefore I will always feel badly because I can't change what is happening to her. The people on this forum are wonderful and you will get support anytime you need it. The people on this forum are touched by an MND one way or another and their experience is second to none.
 

pmbenb83

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03/2008
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Stafford
Troy ~ When I read your first post, I sincerely hoped and prayed that you did not have either disease. I'm so sorry that you are having such problems. I agree with the other posts that you really should get another opinion, specifically from an ALS specialist. My husband is having severe issues, which could be ALS, but we aren't giving up hope that it may be Lyme disease or some other disease that mimics ALS.

Also, I just remembered reading an article at one of my husband's appointments about our soldiers who are coming home with traumatic brain injuries from the blasts of IEDs. They look absolutely healthy some without a scratch, but the explosion caused an internal brain injury. Maybe your fall caused something more like this instead of ALS. It sounds too soon for a head trauma to cause ALS. A second or even third opinion is definitely warranted.

Take care and keep in touch to let us know how you are doing.

Pam B in Va
 

janf

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PALS
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tift
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ga
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tifton
Peg b SO STRANGE MY FINGER CURLED FIRST AND I GOT CLUMSEY . i FELL MANY TIMES ALSO HMMMMMMMMMM WHO KNOWS MY DR SAID I HAD SPURS ON MY NECK. JANF
 

Peg B

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PALS
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Flint
Hi Janf,

Wow! I was just on the MMN website and I came back here and saw your note. It's like a validation of some random things making sense. I can't explain it but your note makes me very happy and less confused. It is all such a big puzzle. Thanks, Peg
 

emjoi

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Lost a loved one
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Aus
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Vic
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Melbourne
I know my father at times wondered if he had done something wrong and God was punishing him. Considering he was an extremely kindhearted man, and whatever failures he may have had were minor in the Grand Scheme of things.

But he also had a much better philosophy of "It Is What It Is", which I liked a whole lot better. There was no Reason or Punishment or Blame to be laid. It just was something that happened.

I think that falls and bumps get you into the eyes of the doctors. Problems may have been slowly developing for a while unnoticed, then an accident occurs and for some mysterious reason you aren't healing like you should...
 

Mary Helen Barr

Active member
Joined
Mar 6, 2006
Messages
61
When my father was diagnosed 6.5 years ago, I read so much on the disease. I remember reading that by the time the symptoms start showing up, you've had the disease already for quite a while. A lot of nerve damage has to have already happened by the time you notice symptoms (so I've read). A fall two weeks before onset of noticable symptoms is much too recent. My father fell, too, and hurt his shoulder around a month before he noticed arm/hand weakness. He blamed my mother (and probably still does at some level) for the ALS since he tripped over her suitcase while they were on a trip. The neurologist says that a fall is absolutely not the cause. Don't beat yourself up, because your "carelessness" did not cause your ALS.
 
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