Sad story

[nebrhahe53]

my older daughter was in town to visit her mother. Whenever she comes to town she gives me an hour then leaves.
Well she gave me two one hour windows, by text, and I texted back saying that since this would probably be our last visit, I'd like a little more time just to reminisce and see her.
I have never been mean to this girl, paid for her college when I didn't have to, taken her out when she was in town etc.
Her mother, my ex wife, tried to prevent me from even seeing her when she was a baby.
Well she sent me a nasty gram back saying how she's gone above and beyond ( if I'm lucky she calls me once a year), how she came down to see me when I was diagnosed etc and I didn't even pay for her plane ticket. I guess I can be excused thinking she came tò see ne when she spent a whole hour with me.
She wasn't going o tell me all this to make my last days more peaceful, but since I brought it up.
Boy do I feel like a fool.

 

[bigmark1954]

That sucks......make sure she doesn't get any of the gold when you pass!

 

[affected]

Oh Neil, I'm literally crying to read this.

The cruelty of some people in their selfishness never ceases to stun me.

I truly hope you can move past her nastiness, as hard as that will be.

I had some truly terrible things with Chris's children, one of them in particular. It was ALL about them - never about Chris.

The day his daughter finally messaged me on his birthday to say that actually she as working all morning (2 hours drive away) so wouldn't be taking him out for the morning after all broke my heart. I tried to express my disappointment without being nasty to her, and mentioned that he was nearly at the end of being able to transfer into a car.

She replied that if I was going to be so negative she wouldn't even come down for his birthday dinner that night. gobsmacked!

I replied that she could make the decision based on whether she wanted to see her father or not, rather than because she was angry with me. She never replied, but she did turn up for dinner and we managed to coolly avoid each other.

I had to work hard to let go my anger at her (and maybe there's still a bit buried). But to take no responsibility for her selfishness was the key for me.

Again I'm just so sorry, there is simply no need to be spiteful to anyone, let alone someone who is asking for something so reasonable as time together.

I would sure like to box her ears as any decent mum would!

 

[affected]

Good point Mark!

Maybe you can leave her a note having the last word. Not nastiness, just a reminder that she missed out on you.

 

[Nuts]

I'm so sorry, Neil. It sounds like she sees you as a wallet, rather than loving you as her father. If she's lucky, one day she'll grow up and realize how cruel she is. I say lucky because that will mean she's become a better person. Unfortunately, she's going to have to live knowing how she treated you. It's just so sad.

Becky

 

[Atsugi]

Neil, I can't imagine how you must feel. This really breaks my heart, too.

I can't understand it. Sorry.

 

[gooseberry]

Neil I am so sorry. I feel bad that you would like to see her more and she isn't willing. You have so much compassion and empathy for others. I guess she didn't get any. Hopefully she learns quickly because life will be very hard and unfulfilling without compassion.

 

[patrick123]

You are not the fool. She is
Patrick

 

[swalker]

Neil,

I am truly sorry to hear this. It fills my heart with sorrow.

I agree with Patrick that she is the fool, not you.

Don't give up on her ability to grow out of her foolishness. I have seen some amazingly foolish people eventually see the light and turn out to be wonderful human beings.

In the meantime, I offer you my prayers, sympathy, and love during this Christmas season.

Steve

 

[nebrhahe53]

I did take her out of my will the next day, not out of spite, but because I choose not to reward someone that selfish and cruel. Oh and I didn't mention that she is in debt because she chose to go to a $100,000 per year law school when she was offered a job with the FBI out of college, that included free law school if she stayed with then for so many years.
It's very difficult to see your children as they really are, especially when you had no role in it.
I hope someday she faces it, but I doubt it. Instead I think she will happily live in her own fantasy world forever, just like her mother, who was also ruled by her mother.
The last thing I said to her was that I could see now what an idiot I was to try to have a relationship with her and this was the last she would hear from me.
My wife sent her a text saying how we should all come together for me, but of course no response. She has done nothing over the years but try to break us up.

 

[Atsugi]

"It's very difficult to see your children as they really are, especially when you had no role in it." --Neil

That's very true, Neil. Sorry you had to go through that. But you're right, she's independent and making her own decisions. I think you did the right thing. --Mike

 

[affected]

Ditto wot Mike says!

 

[Mike in Maine]

So sorry to read your post. Sorry for you and what your daughter is missing and going to miss. If I was you I'd text her that you love her and that your love is unconditional and that someday she will come to realize what a great loss it was for both her and you to not spend time together. That you forgive her and wish her only the best in life.

mike

 

[frankb]

Sorry to see this happen to you, Neil. Most agree with you about not rewarding bad behavior. I admire your decision and your courage in making the decision.

 

[chally]

Yea, NO Booty! Move on!