Erika
Distinguished member
- Joined
- Sep 21, 2016
- Messages
- 175
- Reason
- CALS
- Diagnosis
- 06/2016
- Country
- US
- State
- Arizona
- City
- Mesa
It's been 7 weeks since my mom passed away . My parents apartment has been emptied and keys have been returned. People and agencies have been notified, and death certificates picked up. Time slowly starts to go back to the pre symptom, pre Dr visits, pre ALS days. And I miss her.
I know she's in a better place and so happy that she's not in that broken body anymore. But I miss her. I'm miss spending my days with her and telling her about my day or about my kids. I miss the weekend sleepovers. I miss that twinkle in her eyes when she'd* see me walking in. I miss her hugs, I miss sitting by her; her presence.**
The magnitude of her loss is setting in. I knew it would, I just didn't realize I* would have this many should've, could've, would've 's.
*Like many of you mentioned, sad and bad moments come to my mind. They're like pictures flashing suddenly in my mind. Pictures are of her struggling to cough, and of her not being able to cry, because she couldn't take a deep enough breath. Of the last time she spoke to me and I to her, not knowing it would be the last time. She looked so tired from not sleeping more than minutes at a time for days. She looked so sad and scared because she was having trouble getting enough air. I told her her meds would soon kick in and kissed her forehead. Minutes later she closed her eyes to only open them again hours before she passed. I* guess i just need to keep reminding my self that we did all that we could to give her quality of life and to keep her as* comfortable as we knew and could. Some days are just hard to though.
Thank you CALS who've lost a life* partner and have posted your feelings here. My dad isn't much of a talker. Everything is always "OK" when we ask, and maybe it is, but through you I continue to learn and can have an idea of what he might be going through now or down the road. You are all sooo strong and I hope happy moments will sneak into your days and soon bring smiles and peace to your hearts. Hugs.
- Erika
I know she's in a better place and so happy that she's not in that broken body anymore. But I miss her. I'm miss spending my days with her and telling her about my day or about my kids. I miss the weekend sleepovers. I miss that twinkle in her eyes when she'd* see me walking in. I miss her hugs, I miss sitting by her; her presence.**
The magnitude of her loss is setting in. I knew it would, I just didn't realize I* would have this many should've, could've, would've 's.
*Like many of you mentioned, sad and bad moments come to my mind. They're like pictures flashing suddenly in my mind. Pictures are of her struggling to cough, and of her not being able to cry, because she couldn't take a deep enough breath. Of the last time she spoke to me and I to her, not knowing it would be the last time. She looked so tired from not sleeping more than minutes at a time for days. She looked so sad and scared because she was having trouble getting enough air. I told her her meds would soon kick in and kissed her forehead. Minutes later she closed her eyes to only open them again hours before she passed. I* guess i just need to keep reminding my self that we did all that we could to give her quality of life and to keep her as* comfortable as we knew and could. Some days are just hard to though.
Thank you CALS who've lost a life* partner and have posted your feelings here. My dad isn't much of a talker. Everything is always "OK" when we ask, and maybe it is, but through you I continue to learn and can have an idea of what he might be going through now or down the road. You are all sooo strong and I hope happy moments will sneak into your days and soon bring smiles and peace to your hearts. Hugs.
- Erika