Atsugi,
This is a hard one to answer. I have written so many different reasons. I just don't quite know how to put it in words.
Your lost your best friend, the love of your life, the mother of your children. I can't imagine your heartache. Mine is hurting just knowing the pain you are in. I'm not going to tell you to go to counseling or a support group for help. And I don't really care if others don't agree. I don't think that is the answer you want, anyway. I believe there is something in that beautiful heart of yours that has been put away. And you, and only you, with Chrissy' love and guidance will unlock it and the answers will be known to you.
As for your 2 kids, you are mom and dad. At times there may be struggles, raising teens today is the pits, but I truly believe they will never be that far away. Who's going to be the one with the shotgun behind the front door when they first start dating? Who's going to help them decide college/work choices? Who's going to be there when they want you to meet*****? Who's going to be their at the wedding (with empty pockets)? And where are you going to be when they call to tell you you're going to be a grandpa? Its not all sunshine, believe me. My children range from 32 down to 12. We all have ups and downs, sometimes more downs than ups. But I believe they will always need you in their lives.
I will be praying for you and your children. I have said this 100 times over, you CALS have it the hardest.
Sending prayers,
Toto
PS I wasn't too pleased with this one either. Please remember, you never get over your first love, your heart must make room for whomever crosses your new paths. (Your time.)