Questions from our 17 year old son

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my3sunz42

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Loved one DX
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We've recently hit another milestone where breathing is becoming more & more of an issue. It's brought a new set of reality to all of our lives and I thought I'd share some recent questions from our son ...

- How old are you when you get to heaven? I mean babies die and older people die. Are you at the age you were when you die?

- What will it be like when it's Dad's time to die?

- What will it be like when Dad's gone?

My heart breaks daily for both his Dad and our sons ... it will sure never get any easier than it is today. God bless & be grateful.
 
>We've recently hit another milestone where breathing is becoming more & more of an issue. It's brought a new set of reality to all of our lives and I thought I'd share some recent questions from our son ...

Ah ... to [try] to remember 17 ... 1969, I was a junior in high school, Aquarius was the current theme song, and my relationship with my parents was non-existent.

I think it is wonderful that your son is engaged with you both.

- How old are you when you get to heaven? I mean babies die and older people die. Are you at the age you were when you die?

This, of course, presumes a belief in heaven. Or afterlife. For me, this is a tough one. I would like to believe, but then that would pre-suppose there is a hell, which is where I would end up and that sounds bad.

Sadly, I think dead is dead. My last wishes are, post cremation, that the crematorium folks flush my ashes down the toilet. I actually formalized that with the social parasites (lawyers) last week.

so it goes ...


- What will it be like when it's Dad's time to die?

I suppose, if you care, it will be sad, however inevitable. If you don't care, well ... so it goes.


- What will it be like when Dad's gone?

When my father died, there was a flash of [sadness|morning|?], but so it goes ...


>My heart breaks daily for both his Dad and our sons ... it will sure never get any easier than it is today. God bless & be grateful.

I think it is wonderful that you can feel ... that is what makes you (us?) human. Life will go on, especially for your 17 year old :).

Kind regards,

Max
 
it is ok to say, I don't know. know one knows the answers to those questions. If you want to you could tell him about other people's experiences with death. Hospice has some good info online about recognizing the end and the physical changes that happen.
 
those are tough questions to answer to anyone.

my husband and I have been having discussions about end of life and trying to take control of the decisions on what it will be like for him to die, presuming he doesn't just mercifully die in his sleep.

these questions may be a good way to open discussions with your husband on how he wants the end to be if you don't already have that well planned?
 
I'm sorry and don't want to disrespectful but is your son 7 or 17. I didn't know if there was a typo. It is a rather strange that someone at his age would ask when you go to heaven. When you die naturally or did he mean how long his dad has left. To that question only God knows. Any of us could pass away at anytime.
When your husband starts to get bad enough that its near the end. They can give him medicine like morphine to make him comfortable. Also, alot of pals pass away peacefully in their sleep.
How will it be when his dad passes away? It will hurt like hell. But, hopefully your sons will have pleasant memories to sustain him about his dad. Tell your son to make sure he tells his dad that he loves him frequently. Take care, Kim
 
- How old are you when you get to heaven?
The soul becomes perfect without a body, so age isn't a factor. You're a perfect soul, like an angel.

- What will it be like when it's Dad's time to die?
You'll be busy helping out, making sure that both dad and the family are doing as well as possible. Not just chores and cleaning, but also my kids crushed medicine into apple sauce, fed their mother with a syringe, helped move her around the house, and assisted with the breathing machines, so they participated in caregiving. Dad will eventually be unable to move or talk, but then one day he'll simply fall asleep. There's no pain and no fear. It's actually slipping away comfortably into Heaven.

- What will it be like when Dad's gone?
For awhile there will be plenty of sadness, but we'll still go to school and work and play sports, etc. There will still be plenty of smiles and happy times. Dad doesn't want us to be sad all the time; he wants us to move on, be happy, finish school, have fun and be successful.

- It will sure never get any easier than it is today.
It actually does get better. It's hard to imagine now, but trust me, you fit back into life and have fun and friends and love, maybe even better than before. The experience, although sad, helps you grow into a better person, able to enjoy life even more than before, because you grow up faster than most kids.
 
>- What will it be like when it's Dad's time to die?

Also I forgot to mention, if you haven't seen the ABCs of ALS (YouTube videos), the third part addresses the endgame very nicely.

Max
 
Atsugi, excellent!
 
>It actually does get better.

Well said, Mike ...
 
Atsugi - your reply was very helpful & very similar to what I shared with our son (who is 17). Unfortunately I haven't had discussions with his dad (our PALs) about his end of life plan ... while we remain very close, we divorced 14 years ago & both have remarried. We have since grown into a new age 'Brady Bunch' family where our spouses, and add'l children think of each other as siblings. So, with that in mind, I'm finding it hard to approach those discussions and was thinking of starting with his wife - making the offer to help with their 2 small children.

Thank you all for your time & thoughtful responses ... it is so good to know we are not alone.

God bless!
 
If you want to get him a good book that is an excellent read, C.S. Lewis's "The Great Divorce" speculated on age in heaven better than anything I have ever read.
 
>
This, of course, presumes a belief in heaven. Or afterlife. For me, this is a tough one. I would like to believe, but then that would pre-suppose there is a hell, which is where I would end up and that sounds bad.

Sadly, I think dead is dead.
Max

no Max, IF there is a heaven and hell I am afraid you have opted out of admittance to hell with that kind heart you have........ Now, you may spend some time in Purgatory sorting out what ever "issues" you have which make you feel you deserve eternity in fire and brimstone.


flushed? really? you take recycling to a new level!
 
>no Max, IF there is a heaven and hell I am afraid you have opted out of admittance to hell with that kind heart you have........ Now, you may spend some time in Purgatory sorting out what ever "issues" you have which make you feel you deserve eternity in fire and brimstone.

:) ... well, nice thinking but Christianity doesn't allow for grey areas (nor does Islam). but we'll find out soon enough!


>flushed? really? you take recycling to a new level!

you bet :). I ultimately had to say "dispose of he ashes, no services" because the crematoriums don't actually powderize the remains and 'chunks' can plug up the plumbing. Gad, the stuff we have to pay lawyers to do for us!

N8!
 
>My heart breaks daily for both his Dad and our sons ... it will sure never get any easier than it is today

sorry, my3sunz42, this thread is about " Questions from our 17 year old son" and I did not mean for it to get derailed.

I am sure you have now seen and heard enough to understand that we are a caring, supportive group. We (I) truly feel your need for answers for your son (and yourself, your family, and PALS). Ultimately they have to come from you, your soul, your spiritual conscious, We can only share our 'stuff''.

For myself, I never mean to be disrespectful of others, but know my wacky sense of reality may strike others as a bit so (or worse).

WRT your 17 year old lad, I would advise him to enjoy being. Being 17. Being 18. Being 19. Just being. Tell him from me, that I didn't. I wanted to grow up. I did my 4 year engineering degree in two years, not 4 or 5. Worked, didn't have fun or friends. Just to get on with life :).

What a waste. Anyway, I ramble when the point I was trying to make is to enjoy each time in your (his) life as though it won't happen again. Because it won't.

IMO :),


Max
 
Max - thank you for your kind words & absolutely no worries about your postings/discussions. I will share your thoughts with our son - especially the reminder on living. Fortunately, his Dad feels the same way and I'm pretty certain our sons all know how important it is to live each day to the fullest.

Carpe diem!
 
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