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Hi guys,

Thanks for your responses. I'm taking your advice and waiting to have the modified barium swallow performed on the 4/26.

One of the thoughts I had that convinced me to go this route (besides you both being right that this test produces a lot of valuable info) is that it would probably be THE test to change the medical mindset of the professionals from, "this guy could have anxiety, GERD, etc etc" to "Houston, we have problem". At which point I'm hoping at least the ball would get rolling with more aggressively pinpointing exactly what's going on and sending me in for a whole battery of tests.

Mike, full respect to you and your wife. I'm sure she was an amazing doctor. I read a post regarding what you'd both gone through and honestly I'm no where near in a position to comment on it (beyond giving my condolences) since it goes so far beyond my life experience and the types of meanings and feelings that the end stages of life bring with them. So thank you again for being here to deal with smucks like me.

My own experience with GPs, or whatever you'd prefer to call them, has not been a positive one. I live in NYC and until I got sick (like "something might be really wrong with me" sick) I'd just zocdoc a GP with decent reviews. They give me some PPIs or antibiotics or viagra :p. Done. I feel like, for a lot of them, it's about production. It's about getting you in and getting you out. And getting paid by the insurance companies. It's a business just like any other. Maximize revenue and reduce liability. I can't really blame them individually it's just how they're forced to behaved within our health care matrix.

But for real issues I might as well cut out the middle man and the copay. It may sound arrogant but I really doubt that a GP would have gotten me to the point I'm at now with scheduling the MBS any more quickly than I did. Whether I do have ALS or something else entirely, the diagnosis isn't a straight forward one. I have a best friend who had testicular cancer. One of his testicles grew to the size of orange. Having a symptom like that will definitely narrow down the possibilities.. Now with me, it's been test after test after test coming back negative. And I feel like when you've exhausted all of the possibilities, that's when you find yourself arriving at the door step of neurology. It's almost like the final frontier of medical science, and the one filled with the most mystery.

I clear my throat constantly during eating and drinking, and now sometimes I'll also have a minor cough a few times through out the meal. (already did the esophagram and the endoscopy, that's why the gastro is sending me for the MBS. I think he's concerned even if he won't say it to me..) What's even more troubling is that thin liquids, such as water or ice tea, seem to bother me more than if I'm wolfing down a steak or a sandwich. That's..not a good sign..

There's no questions left for me to ask anyone here (although trust me I have a million of them). I'd be spinning myself in circles. It just eats me up inside that I need to wait until 4/26 for this test and then perhaps experience even more delays after that. All I want to know is if I rolled snake eyes and if so how long will I have full functionality so I can go out in epic style... My questions now have begun to focus more on my financial planning.

There's so many people here with families and loved ones. I can totally understand why they'd extend this ride out for as far as they could. Even if the quality of life starts to drop off all of the moments are precious. And the decision isn't really just the individual's decision, it's a joint decision. But if I'm seriously sick it'd be totally different situation. I'll be reaping what I sowed. 15 years of chasing money and women. A girlfriend of one year who I have come to TRULY love, but who never in a million years would I ask her to care for me through a slow decline.

I don't expect responses. Typing this is a form of therapy for me. I've been holding this all inside and I telling no one. I needed to let it out somewhere.
 
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