MaxEidswick
Legendary member
- Joined
- Sep 1, 2013
- Messages
- 5,598
- Reason
- PALS
- Diagnosis
- 08/2013
- Country
- US
- State
- Texas
- City
- Pinehurst
I promised a eulogy. But found that sharing Elaine’s life is what we all have been doing. Going back, reading all her posts and thread contributions was a renewed education in how I would like to be. Not just thought of, but really ‘be’.
Here, instead of a eulogy, I share some of Elaine’s words:
Elaine -- I trust God that I am exactly where I am meant to be.
-----
I was diagnosed in early April, 2012 … Amazing things have occurred and I tell you honestly that since my diagnoses, everyday - I meet an angel disguised as a person.
-----
Sure am happy to have signed up on this forum - it took awhile to get the guts to do it!
-----
I am truly blown away by your support, non-judgmental acceptance and understanding. It's incredible and downright almost unbelievable to have such assistance from total strangers.
-----
I am frightened - but I don't feel frozen in fear- as I was initially.
-----
Firstly - I am finding gifts - love mostly. What else matters right?
-----
Until the last few weeks. I had presumed the "anger" stage would have me lashing out at those closest to me - instead I've lashed out at strangers. That's not right. That's not who I am nor is it who I aspire to be.
-----
I'll just have to pray harder - peace will come - I just have to be patient.
-----
You (past & present members, CALS & PALS) have become my confidantes, sparring partners, cheerleaders, educators, "huggers", advisers, jokers, defenders and angels. In short, all of the characteristics which constitute a family.
-----
Turns out, these past 365 days have been extraordinary in so many unexpected ways. We've been supported and uplifted. Strangers became friends, and friends became family. We eventually stopped crying. Most of the time, anyway. We generally cry tears of joy these days. When a loving note arrives in the mail, or a pot of soup is left at our door. Kindness and open hearts bring tears to the surface. Sweet tears, not stinging tears.
So, tomorrow marks one year. Diagnosed, April 5th, 2012 @ 3:30pm … Here's to the next 365 days.
-----
Happy Canadian Thanksgiving - We have much to be thankful for as we graze on turkey (and pumpkin pie) together with our family and friends.
-----
My aim is not to live and die with anger and resentment in my heart. My focus is to live as honestly and peacefully as I can and which precludes vendettas, retaliations and ambushes. Life is way too short to be rearranging the chairs on the Titanic.
-----
A message from the PALS we love and miss -
I still hear the songs, I still
see the lights, I still feel
your love on cold wintry
nights.
I still share your hopes and
all of your cares, I'll even
remind you to please say
your prayers.
I just want to tell you, you
still make me proud. You
stand head and shoulders
above all the crowd.
Keep trying each moment,
to stay in His grace, I came
here before you to help set
your place.
You don't have to be perfect
all of the time. He forgives
you the slip, if you continue
to climb.
To my family and friends,
please be thankful today.
I'm still close behind you, in
a new special way.
I love you all dearly, now
don't shed a tear, 'cause
I'm spending my Christmas
with Jesus this year.
1989 John Wm. Mooney, Jr.
__________________
Elaine
------
some years ago, in Lake Placid, I tried the 4 man bobsled. 3 olympians in training and me. It was thrilling, fast, bone rattling and exceedingly noisy. Then I did the luge - fell off near the top and laughed all the way down, sliding on my butt! I drew the line when hubby suggested we try the ski jump!
------
The best advice I received was " one day at the time" and so it goes. It's not a cliche.
------
Just so you know - from this PALS' perspective - each time I mourn another loss ( almost daily now) I think to myself - " oh, maybe I won't last as long as I'd hoped".
Every once in awhile, I speak that thought out loud - it's just a momentary feeling... It's hard holding in those emotions and fears ... Then the next minute when I'm enjoying myself - relishing a sunset, a hug, a visit with friends, praying - my life returns. As does hope and inner calm. Thanks to God, my family and heaven sent attendants.
Then I think - maybe I do have a while yet!
-----
You are NOT alone. Just feels like it. We know exactly what you are going through. Teardrop for teardrop!
-----
About dying:
Since my diagnosis, I have met countless angels, disguised as people. Helping me everyday. I am lucky in my unluckiness.
About living:
Those angels were there all the time... I never paid attention. I ran past them.
For me - This ALS thing is not about the going... It's about the leaving. Leaving those I love the most. I pray for faith. Everyday.
-------
I think all of us PALS fear the end... I am confident in a peaceful passing.. Here's how my conversation with the ALS nurse went: ( I quote from my recent post)
" I've just recently had " the talk" with ALS nurse. Here's what the plan is.
The palliative care doctor & nurse visit me at home. They come very early, rather than later in the game so that we get to know one another. We discuss all options. Visits will continue monthly and increase as warranted. At some point, they will determine that minute amounts of morphine should be introduced to subtly resolve the air hunger. I was told that as doses are increased, I will continue to be lucid and can opt to be lucid as long as possible. ( not everyone wants that) . Alternatively, I can wait until near the end for morphine, but in order to effectively address the probable more strident and frightening air hunger, a larger dose will be required and which would likely render me semi conscious. From what I understand, the small amounts, I presume will keep me calm. It will be my choice at anytime to enter our local hospice or remain at home.
-----
I like the independence, but be warned, even with the van floor having been significantly lowered, it's hard to see out the windows from my throne. Thankfully, my limited perspective is suffice for me to provide colourful back seat driving instructions. When the driver becomes irritated, the defroster fan is usually cranked up and I get drowned out!
-----
Thanks for your prayers and unwavering support. It means more than you could possibly know! I have missed everyone!
------ last post 04-23-2014, 09:16 PM
Don't know where you found the strength. Tillie, you loved him well and then set him free. Peacefully and gently.
You are an inspiration to all of us.
You are in my thoughts and prayers
------
• Last Activity: 07-30-2014 03:38 PM
We miss you …
Here, instead of a eulogy, I share some of Elaine’s words:
Elaine -- I trust God that I am exactly where I am meant to be.
-----
I was diagnosed in early April, 2012 … Amazing things have occurred and I tell you honestly that since my diagnoses, everyday - I meet an angel disguised as a person.
-----
Sure am happy to have signed up on this forum - it took awhile to get the guts to do it!
-----
I am truly blown away by your support, non-judgmental acceptance and understanding. It's incredible and downright almost unbelievable to have such assistance from total strangers.
-----
I am frightened - but I don't feel frozen in fear- as I was initially.
-----
Firstly - I am finding gifts - love mostly. What else matters right?
-----
Until the last few weeks. I had presumed the "anger" stage would have me lashing out at those closest to me - instead I've lashed out at strangers. That's not right. That's not who I am nor is it who I aspire to be.
-----
I'll just have to pray harder - peace will come - I just have to be patient.
-----
You (past & present members, CALS & PALS) have become my confidantes, sparring partners, cheerleaders, educators, "huggers", advisers, jokers, defenders and angels. In short, all of the characteristics which constitute a family.
-----
Turns out, these past 365 days have been extraordinary in so many unexpected ways. We've been supported and uplifted. Strangers became friends, and friends became family. We eventually stopped crying. Most of the time, anyway. We generally cry tears of joy these days. When a loving note arrives in the mail, or a pot of soup is left at our door. Kindness and open hearts bring tears to the surface. Sweet tears, not stinging tears.
So, tomorrow marks one year. Diagnosed, April 5th, 2012 @ 3:30pm … Here's to the next 365 days.
-----
Happy Canadian Thanksgiving - We have much to be thankful for as we graze on turkey (and pumpkin pie) together with our family and friends.
-----
My aim is not to live and die with anger and resentment in my heart. My focus is to live as honestly and peacefully as I can and which precludes vendettas, retaliations and ambushes. Life is way too short to be rearranging the chairs on the Titanic.
-----
A message from the PALS we love and miss -
I still hear the songs, I still
see the lights, I still feel
your love on cold wintry
nights.
I still share your hopes and
all of your cares, I'll even
remind you to please say
your prayers.
I just want to tell you, you
still make me proud. You
stand head and shoulders
above all the crowd.
Keep trying each moment,
to stay in His grace, I came
here before you to help set
your place.
You don't have to be perfect
all of the time. He forgives
you the slip, if you continue
to climb.
To my family and friends,
please be thankful today.
I'm still close behind you, in
a new special way.
I love you all dearly, now
don't shed a tear, 'cause
I'm spending my Christmas
with Jesus this year.
1989 John Wm. Mooney, Jr.
__________________
Elaine
------
some years ago, in Lake Placid, I tried the 4 man bobsled. 3 olympians in training and me. It was thrilling, fast, bone rattling and exceedingly noisy. Then I did the luge - fell off near the top and laughed all the way down, sliding on my butt! I drew the line when hubby suggested we try the ski jump!
------
The best advice I received was " one day at the time" and so it goes. It's not a cliche.
------
Just so you know - from this PALS' perspective - each time I mourn another loss ( almost daily now) I think to myself - " oh, maybe I won't last as long as I'd hoped".
Every once in awhile, I speak that thought out loud - it's just a momentary feeling... It's hard holding in those emotions and fears ... Then the next minute when I'm enjoying myself - relishing a sunset, a hug, a visit with friends, praying - my life returns. As does hope and inner calm. Thanks to God, my family and heaven sent attendants.
Then I think - maybe I do have a while yet!
-----
You are NOT alone. Just feels like it. We know exactly what you are going through. Teardrop for teardrop!
-----
About dying:
Since my diagnosis, I have met countless angels, disguised as people. Helping me everyday. I am lucky in my unluckiness.
About living:
Those angels were there all the time... I never paid attention. I ran past them.
For me - This ALS thing is not about the going... It's about the leaving. Leaving those I love the most. I pray for faith. Everyday.
-------
I think all of us PALS fear the end... I am confident in a peaceful passing.. Here's how my conversation with the ALS nurse went: ( I quote from my recent post)
" I've just recently had " the talk" with ALS nurse. Here's what the plan is.
The palliative care doctor & nurse visit me at home. They come very early, rather than later in the game so that we get to know one another. We discuss all options. Visits will continue monthly and increase as warranted. At some point, they will determine that minute amounts of morphine should be introduced to subtly resolve the air hunger. I was told that as doses are increased, I will continue to be lucid and can opt to be lucid as long as possible. ( not everyone wants that) . Alternatively, I can wait until near the end for morphine, but in order to effectively address the probable more strident and frightening air hunger, a larger dose will be required and which would likely render me semi conscious. From what I understand, the small amounts, I presume will keep me calm. It will be my choice at anytime to enter our local hospice or remain at home.
-----
I like the independence, but be warned, even with the van floor having been significantly lowered, it's hard to see out the windows from my throne. Thankfully, my limited perspective is suffice for me to provide colourful back seat driving instructions. When the driver becomes irritated, the defroster fan is usually cranked up and I get drowned out!
-----
Thanks for your prayers and unwavering support. It means more than you could possibly know! I have missed everyone!
------ last post 04-23-2014, 09:16 PM
Don't know where you found the strength. Tillie, you loved him well and then set him free. Peacefully and gently.
You are an inspiration to all of us.
You are in my thoughts and prayers
------
• Last Activity: 07-30-2014 03:38 PM
We miss you …
